Should I punish?

Question

My 16 year old friend pulled in the yard with his 4wheeler.I noticed my 16 and 9 year old sons was on the 4wheeler also.When the friend got off of it so did my 9 year old.Then my 16 year old said bye as if teasing his friend about taking off with his 4wheeler.I said no and so did the friend.He took off on it anyways.My 9 year old jumped on it.To make a long story short they was going 60mph and the tierod broke causing my son to lose control and the brakes failed.A brach from a tree caught my 16 year old in the neck pulling him off with my 9 year old,9 year old suffered only a rototary cuff(shoulder)problem.My 16yr old has severe road burn probaly about 30% of his body and needs to see a orthapedic surgeon for his messed up(not broke)ankle.My question is do I punish him for not only taking his life into his hands but also his 9 year old brothers?He has always been responsible.Not sure what clicked in his head yesterday.Everyone is telling me he had enough punishment but...............

I can not stop thinking of how all the docs and nurses at the ER said that these 2 boys should of had worst injuries and they was surprised neither of them died.60mph is a joke.My 16year old was also told he is not allowed to ride a 4wheeler and no doubling let alone trippling.What punishment fits if any?

Also I have to replace that 4wheeler.They run about $1000 used around here.

This is my first question where I can not pick a good answer due to everyone gave good advice.I will let others vote for the best answer because as far as Im concern,all of these answers are the best answer.Thank you everyone.

Answer 1

He's been punished enough!! I'm more than certain he knows what COULD of happened and it makes him sick to think what he COULD have done to his little brother. He will live with that the rest of his life. I'm sure he's scared himself enough to have learned his lesson and that's what punishing a person is supposed to do --- teach him a lesson!

I say no more punishing but surely talk with him about what a stupid move he made and making stupid moves don't cut it when you are involving someone else's life.

Hope your boys recover quickly and you cool down!! They are both safe and you have been blessed. Count your lucky stars and be done!

Answer 2

This decision is totally up to you. I cannot tell you what you should do in this instance but only what i think I would do if faced with the same situation.

Yes your children have been punished through the injuries they received. However, I think that it is also important that you show your older son that: 1) It is wrong to take someone's property even if in jest. 2) Make sure that he realizes the severity of the incident and how much worse things could have turned out. I would certainly look into having the both children take an ATV safety course. I would also not let the 9 year old back on the ATV with the 16 year old until I knew that he was going to act responsibly. Even then I would rather the 9 year old ride with an experienced adult.

Despite what I and others have told you regarding this situation, the ultimate decision is up to you. If you feel that your children cannot appreciate the severity of the incident then I think that a serious discussion regarding that along with whatever punishment you think is fitting is necessary. However if you feel that further punishment is not warranted in this case, then do as you see fit.

It isn't so much about punishing your children as it is trying to prevent such an event from happening again in the future.

Answer 3

Honestly, I think that while the injuries are definitely a punishment, you should still consider some options. If he is generally a reliable, responsible young man, and he just had a teenage brain fart, then you could just give him the "I'm disappointed in you" speech, and let him stew in your disappointment for a week or two (shake your head a lot, let your sadness show in your actions).

I don't think taking away privileges is really going to affect him that much, considering the injuries and pain he is suffering, and it sounds like he is probably very sorry for getting his brother hurt. You could always make him be "best friends" with his brother for a week (must play with him, include him in other activities, do things his bro wants to do, etc). (We make our daughters do that when they're being man to each other. Best Friend therapy!)

PS I wish you the best. After it's all said and done, you are his momma and only YOU can decide whether your son has learned a lesson from this experience. Give it a few days and talk to him. You could even tell him that if he's old enough to be breaking the rules, then he's old enough to decide his own punishment. (It's my experience that kids will often over-punish themselves, but it gives them the responsibility.)

Answer 4

The 16 year old needs to pay you back for replacing the 4-wheeler as soon as he is healed enough to work. The actual consequences (injuries/monetary) are punishment enough, but don't lose the opportunity to talk to him. Don't go overboard heaping guilt on him, but you should tell him how you are feeling in the aftermath of this, and also try to get his perspective on it.

You might also consider putting off drivers ed and any driving related priviledges for awhile.

Some lessons are harder than others. I am glad your sons still have their lives.

Answer 5

My daughter recently abused a privilege. She had consequences to her actions as well as a punishment. Her consequence was no more cell phone texting. Her punishment is she has to pay the bill through cleaning at home. She has scrubbed the kitchen floor on her hands and knees and cleaned the bathroom. She will have a month or so of cleaning before she pays her bill. I would have your son pay for the cost of the four wheeler. That could be his punishment, obviously his pain is his consequence for his behavior.

Answer 6

Yes, they got injured, But after the fact, they are okay. VERY LUCKY!! I think the fact that you said NO should have been enough. It showed total lack of respect, & this is exactly why WE as parents, set boundries. This is why The law says we are responsible for them untill they are 18. Because unless we teach them, They will get hurt! They definatly need to be punished. My boys would have no privelges. This, by no means, means they dont get loved! But having 4 children of my own & a single mother, If we let them get bigger than us thinking they can disrespect us, Then we'v lost all our value. We are MOTHERS! MOST ESPECIALLY, OUR SONS SHOULD RESPECT US!

Answer 7

A 16 year old is old enough to suffer the consequences of their actions. He might have learned something about doing stupid things, but I would require him to get a job and repay everybody for their out of pocket expenses plus interest, say at about 8% per year compounded monthy. There is no time like to present to learn to appreciate life and that stupid actions hurt in more ways than one.

Answer 8

You better punish that boy. Just because he got hurt doesn't mean he is free from what he did. You should be making him pay off that $1000 decision of his to show off. He not only injured himself, but his brother, and destroyed his friend's property. He needs to learn to take FULL responsibility for what he did to everyone. Please tell me this was your son's 16 year old friend and not your's (typo right).

Answer 9

Because pf the 9 year old, he couldn't drive until he moves out AFTER graduating HS and would no longer have a social life! He almost killed a NINE y/o!

Answer 10

What about making him earn some of the money to replace the 4wheeler? I did some stupid stuff when I was younger and my parents made me do things for them around the house, etc to make up for having to pay for something.