I've always been this way; I can and do have plenty of orgasms having sex with my boyfriend (whoever he happens to be at the time), but I fake about 50-70% of them. I get into this groove, and he's really trying so hard that I really WANT to ***, it just isn't QUITE there yet. I lose patience with myself, and I figure he's losing patience with me, so I fake it. Often, he'll *** shortly after that, which causes me to REALLY *** (and I worry that he can tell the difference between the real thing and the fake!). He assumes I'm multiply orgasmic (which I am, sometimes, but not nearly as much as he thinks).
A lot of my allure for my current boyfriend is my rampant sexuality, so I hate to bust the sexpot image by not popping when he's trying so hard! What if he gets disappointed in me and moves on? I'm so insecure about this relationship with this awe-inspiring man that I feel I have to be perfect. I figure the bedroom has to be at least 50% performance just so I can hang on!
2007-03-12 16:50:28 · 18 answers · asked by nondescript 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What lame answers! If you read this you would understand that: A) I DO have plenty of orgasms, and B) I feel quite guilty about deceiving him in this way.
2007-03-12 16:57:12 · update #1
OK, well, some of your answers aren't lame, after all...in fact, I feel one ***-ing...OH, OH, OOOOHHH!!!
2007-03-12 16:59:35 · update #2
Why don't you try to reverse this question, which is a technique that I've seen a lot of other posters do.
What would you do if you found out that your boyfriend was faking 50-70% of his orgasms? And that he was doing it because he felt that he had a "sexpot" image to maintain? And that he felt insecure about his relationship with you, and that he felt that he had to be perfect?
You tell me if you would rather have an illusion of perfection, or the reality of honesty. How betrayed would you feel knowing that he had been faking what is supposed to be the most intimate experience two people can share? Sure, it's a trade-off, real sex means that orgasms don't happen every time, for men or women. That can be frustrating. But right now, you are lying to him, no matter how you try to justify this. There's a lot more to sex than orgasms - like emotional honesty, tenderness, vulnerability... which you just might discover if you allow yourself to be REAL with him.
Another way to look at this is to just tell him... Look honey, it's not your responsibility to make me come. It's OURs - both... it takes the pressure off of him, so he can relax and you can relax. Women should be empowered to claim their own pleasure in bed, obviously with the assistance of men (or women, whomever they're with)... but it takes two... not one...
2007-03-12 17:22:25 · answer #1 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you're really in love or atleast really in awe with the current guy. It's easy to feel like you need to be perfect, when you think you've met the perfect guy. But I have to say that you really need to respect yourself first and foremost. You are equally as great as he is. I'm sure you already know that you shouldn't have to try to prove how great you are. I know this question is about orgasms, but there seems to be another issue. You should never be afraid to speak up for yourself or what you want. In a really great relationship you wouldn't be afraid to right? Don't live your life in fear that he'll leave over something like that. Get what you want out of life and be comfortable
2007-03-13 00:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by jay-z8900 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not really a girlfriend with "rampant sexuality" if you are faking it. You are mostly only hurting yourself and also anyone who is with your boyfriends after you. Faking anything in a relationship will make you even more insecure.
If he is such a great boyfriend and you are comfortable enough with him, you have to allow him to help you. I know it sounds easier to say than it will be... but if he gets disappointed and moves on he wasn't worth it.
A sexual relationship should be an honest one, it makes it a lot more fun and will make you a lot less insecure.
2007-03-13 00:01:22 · answer #3 · answered by swagov 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just stop faking and maybe he'll see that you're not at your point yet and he may put more thought into getting you off. Besides if you're not making any noise that tells me that I need to do a little bit more to make her satisfied.
I want her to keep it real with me in order for me to be able to judge wether or not I'm doing what it takes to make her feel good. If that doesn't work kind of guide him to do things that will get you off he shouldn't be offended. Not to be vulger but if he's not going down town on you then that's a good start.
That's why I always aim to please at all times.
2007-03-13 00:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by ltwatkins77 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is deep but I feel you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You do NOT have to perform every single time but if you want to he would not care how long it takes if he really loves you. You are putting yourself under too much pressure by worrying about it because you are afraid of losing him as you said. You have to enjoy what he is trying and talk to him, tell him what you want, don't let him think you are losing patience in him because if your relaxed enough it will happen naturally. If he is meant to be with you then he will work thru it with you but COMMUNICATE, never ASSUME :-)
2007-03-13 00:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by eaglewings4101 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont fake it, if you do how will he know when to please you? Faking an O isn't cool. He can most certainly tell when he is experienced enough in sex to tell if you are faking or not. There are things a woman's insides do when she does and he can feel it. If he is inesperienced then he wont realise it. Don't you want to be pleased and in turn please him. You can't get what you want if you don't ask and he wont either. Life is too short to end up with the short end of the stick!! lol take care Heather
2007-03-12 23:57:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you realize that it is possible to have an "O" and you don't have to fake it? If I know is woman is faking it, it's the biggest turn off. If you're not feeling it, let me know and tell me what you want. I can't read your mind. I've learned what and what not to do over the years but I do know the difference and won't allow her to leave without the real thing.
2007-03-12 23:55:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you're so worried about making him happy that you forgot about yourself. try focusing less on him finishing, and more on both of your needs at once. sometimes when a girl gets too intensely into making her man happy that her body actually forgets how to satisfy itself...if all else fails, masturbate in front of him, showing him what you like, and if he does something wrong in bed, don't say anything about it, just show him how to do it properly. a lot of women think that we'll freak about our performance in bed, but most guys just see it as making the experience better by knowing exactly what to do to make you ***.
2007-03-12 23:57:10 · answer #8 · answered by Pyromaniac 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he gets disappointed and moves on, be grateful you aren't wasting your life with someone so shallow!
Don't feel that you should live up to a reputation either.
Be yourself. Your boyfriend will love the real you all the more :)
Honesty is the best policy:)
2007-03-12 23:56:12 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I were in your shoes... I'd get out of that relationship... sounds like that's all he cares about if you feel that pressured to please him. Do you really think that all girls have to perform sex in order to keep a boyfriend??? If he gets disappointed in you and moves on....so...what.... you'd be better off out of a relationship like that anyways. You feel insecure about your relationship??? Then what's the point??? Inspiring man??? You look up to a "man" that makes you feel insecure??? Girl, you are confused... If I were you I'd come to the country and find a real man... Look for one in a cowboy hat.. There everywhere... and they open the doors for you... they pay to take you to dinner... they call you beautiful instead of hot, sexy, or slamin'... And they make you feel like a real woman... not a woman that has to feel pressured to please them in bed...Your man doesn't sound like a man at all... he just sounds like a guy that wants a booty buddy. I appolizise if I offended you but you need to look at the TRUTH...
2007-03-13 00:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by texasbootscootin 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋