23 years later a young man showed up at my door after being told my his ill mother that my son is his father. He says he just wants to meet him[the young man is a splitting image of my son]. Was I wrong for telling my now married son of this developement? What should be my position in this matter-my son had the nerve to accuse me of meddling and told me to tell the boy he is dead and hung up the phone..?What is the moral thing to do in situations like this. In the last 3 years this is the second child making the same claim[ the first one had a baby which she abandoned at my home[which makes my son the grandfather] and I now have custody of.My son is angry because I did not send the child to foster care.....now this! He still refuses to get a DNA for both kids . It scares me to think of siblings growing up and possibly marrying each other. It appears my relationship with my son is severly damaged because of him fooling around and the past has caught up with him-these kids are innocent.
2007-03-12 16:31:45 · 8 answers · asked by skyy 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Just because your son is in denial, does not mean you have to be. You sound like a very caring, and morally sound person with a tough issue, "choosing family, or potential family". If I were you, there is a chance that your dna may be linked as well to the children. You said that you raised his daughter? There is also a genetic link there, if she is his child, and if you have custody, you may order the dna? Even tho your son does not provide, possibly you may be able to prove the genetic link yourself. This poor boy/young man is searching for "his identity"......he feels lost, betrayed, and like he doesn't fit in due to your son's lack of responsibility and immaturity. If it were me, I would do whatever I could to help my "potential grandchildren" have some peace of mind, a sense of "belonging", and hopefully, one day your son will come around.
2007-03-12 23:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Lots of questions.
Okay - I don't think you are wrong for telling your son, but I think your son really wants to push these problems under the carpet and not deal with them. I wish he would be able to confront such issues properly.
However, now you know your son's position this clarifies some things and makes it a little difficult to do some of the things you want to do.
If you son refuses to give his DNA for a test, it is his right to do so. If you wish to violate his right to privacy, you can obtain his DNA yourself, however I would not advise this couse of action.
If it would satisfy you to know that the two children are not siblings you _could_ contact both of them and tell them your concerns and get them to have a DNA test with each other.
You might be able to have a DNA test using your DNA and find out if they are related to you, but the distance of your relationship begins to make this a little more uncertain in terms of the test. You could ask the DNA testing people about it and see how certain they can be. That might be helpful.
2007-03-12 23:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be able to use your DNA. I'm not sure how accurate it would be w/ a grandparent, but it should show you are related.
SHAME on your son for denying these children. Your son needs to be man enough to claim his children, regardless of the circumstances of their conception. I can't believe he wouldn't want to at least know the truth. How sad for the children.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Good for you for taking care of the children.
2007-03-13 02:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kari 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can have your dna tested agains theirs and it will tell you if yall are related also no you are not wrong your son should be responsible for the choices he made in the past and i applaude you for taking care of the baby even though you didnt have to. if your son wants to be childish let him but stick to what you think is right. if you feel that you want to take care of the baby then you should and if you want to get tested to see if you are the grandparent of the baby and the man then you can have it done and tell your son to grow up
2007-03-12 23:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just get the mouth swab. They don't need to take blood to do this. It will give a strong enough answer and let you know if this is true. With your son's behavior I don't think you'd really need to go to this length.
2007-03-13 10:26:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry Peggy but your son sounds like a selfish little brat. these kids have come to seek their father and he doesn't want to know. you as a grandparent have done the right thing by welcoming these children into your home. all you can do is apologies to your grandchildren for your sons behavior and continue to welcome them into your home. good luck to you
2007-03-13 16:47:51 · answer #6 · answered by sue brew 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same test Just need stuff from you and the grandma.
2007-03-12 23:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by Groovio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can be DNA tested yourself. g/l.
2007-03-12 23:39:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋