How do I get my son to be not so clingy to me???

Question

My 12 month old has been continually clinging to my side lately. He won't go near any one else, including his dad, someone else goes to pick him up or play with him he starts howling. Every time I put him down he starts crying and doesn't stop until I pick him up again. I have to put a stop to this as I can't go carrying him around 24/7. I am also due to go back to work next month (part-time) and he will be starting day-care. What are some suggestions to get him to stop doing this????

Answer 1

Many posters are correct in that you should at first do this with someone he is familiar (his father) and in shorter durations (10 min or so) to begin with. Dad will need to have some fun things to try to distract and redirect his attention onto him. Redirection is the key. He should say a few times twice that mommy will be back soon when you leave, but not say it repeatedly. Try to normalize the fact that you aren't there. There is no reason to fear, so no reason to keep saying you will be back.

Dad should have some really fun toys...maybe even a new and exciting toy that you think he'd love. you could have your son's favorite music playing...basically set the environment up for as much success as possible. Dad should do his best not to dwell or really talk about the fact that you are gone but instead continue to try to redirect his attention...he could mention it a few times, but really try hard to play and engage him in dad.

Babies will usually go through a stage like this. As long as it's only a stage. There is a lot of research on attachment and if you do a quick search you can find a lot. Ideally, you'll be able to put him down and have him feel safe, exploring and smiling and interacting with others while always looking to you as a secure base from which to roam.

Answer 2

According to developmental psychology this is perfectly normal. Children between the ages of 8-24 months become extreme clingy and attached to the primary caregiver...some children more so than others. I am sure he will grow out of it but I understand it is frustrating right now. The only thing you can do is to stop carrying him around all the time and force him to be taken care of by other people when you cannot take care of him (like if you want some alone time)...he will scream and cry and it will hurt your feeling to see your child so upset but that is the only thing to do. He will not be able to reason with you because he is still so young.

Answer 3

I think you need to be cruel to be kind. When dropping him off at day-care, distract his attention with some kind of toy or someone talking to him, and then leave. As I said, it may seem cruel, but I assure you that the staff at the day-care centre will be able to handle his crying, and if it gets really serious, they'd call you. After a little while of following the same routine, he'll probably settle in.

Alternatively, you could see about a settling in process. Take him there for a few hours with you observing, then the next time stay a little while and then leave half way, and then maybe the last time, leave him there altogether. Again, eventually he'll get used to the routine.

Answer 4

Going to daycare is the answer. He will then not have a choice but to get use to other people. Then he will finally have other kids to play with. As far as at home, let him cry and he will get over it. Stop picking him up the moment he cries. I know its hard, but that is the only way. He will then see that you are not going to run and pick him up every second. He'll get over it and he cant cry forever! Put your foot down girl!

Answer 5

Try to distract him and show him something that he would love to play with. Also, maybe you should get all the snuggling time in now since you are going back to work part time soon. He will miss you while you are at work, especially because at the day care they won't be able to pick him up as much as you do now.

Answer 6

My son was like that so I can feel for you. The only thing that finally let him go of the apron string, was being resolute and telling him that he needs to be with daddy for an hour, and leave. I know it hurts, but you can do baby steps, leave for 10 min. he will cry, scream with your husband but he will be able to stand 10 minutes of this. Your husband needs to take him and play with him and distract him. If I were you, I would start this now. Do a couple days 10 min. when he sees that you
haven't abandoned him and mommy comes always back, he'll get used to it and then just draw it out a little at a time.
Good Luck. But start now, otherwise you'll be getting calls from day care. A good idea is also to take him now to day care for 10-15 min. and let him get accustomed to it.

Answer 7

Separation anxiety is totally normal, and at 12 months old, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Some kids are very laid back and totally fine with other people (that's my oldest), and some kids get upset if a stranger looks directly at them (that's my youngest).
I would advise not to try and force him out of it - you'll probably just make it worse. You're in a tough position, too - going back to work and all....
Taking my cue from Dr. Spock, I'd say just be very matter-of-fact when dropping him off. Start out by leaving him with a caregiver or grandparent for short periods of time at first; don't let yourself get upset or he'll feed off of that. He will cry, etc., and it'll be hard, but kiss him and tell him you'll be back shortly.
Once they get used to you leaving and returning, and their comprehension increases, they do get better!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

i would start slow maybe leaving him with his dad for 30 minutes while you go out slowly build up the amount of time you leave him also take him to friends or family's houses who have small children son he gets used to being around other children make sure your husband is more involved with him like bath and bed time giving him his dinner good luck

Answer 9

Its just a stage they go through it will pass. A couple days at daycare, and he'll get use to the care takers and be fine

Answer 10

They all go through seperation anxiety at some point of toddlerhood. I wouldn't worry too much, he will get better in daycare with the interaction of other people and children.