Rewarding a kid for doing what they're already expected to do?

Question

Why do parents reward their kids for doing what's expected of them? Doesn't it send a bad message: it's only worth doing if you get a reward?
Why do so many parents bribe their children rather than teach them and hold them to certain standards? Are we really that lazy?

Answer 1

Now that we live in a technologically advanced society we all have access to information on these topics.

It is statistically accurate that positive reinforcement is MUCH more effective than punishment. Positive reinforcement is a way of focusing on a child's good behaviors and rewarding them. It doesn't focus on negative behaviors, in fact unless it is a big deal negative behaviors are ignored. So, if the child wants attention they have to do something the right way. It may seem silly to someone who doesn't practice it but talk to parents who do. It is a very good way of raising children and it is much more moral than spanking. This is just a fact. You can read all about it if you do some research.

Now bribery isn't good parenting.
That is a whole different topic.

Answer 2

Okay rewarding every single time is bad. But praising is positive parenting. My daughter is two and I don't reward her with a candy when she does something I've asked her to do I just tell her thank you or tell her she's a good girl. Bribing is awful though. It definitely teaches the child to expect it. My mother-in-law would give my daughter gummy bears every time she went potty over there and it only took a couple times before she demanded it after she went every time. I never did it though I just clapped and praised and she clapped too. She's almost three now and I still don't have to bribe her to do things although we have our battles. And yes it's awful that some parents are that lazy, but trust me it isn't that easy when you know your child isn't going to do something. It would be so much easier to tell my daughter we'd go get ice cream if she'd behave...but I learned from the gummy bears at grandma's that it's a bad idea to give in. It's tempting though b/c you still get looked at like a bad parent when your child is throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store although sometimes, those are the truly good parents.

Answer 3

I don't think it's being lazy. I think it may be some parents may only know how to encourage or praise their kids by rewarding with gifts or money. They not know how to teach their kids. I agree you shouldn't reward for what's expected, however praising for accomplishing the task and expressing your thankyou's is important. My husband and I went through this with grades. Should kids get money for earning good grades? We all have different parenting styles...hopefully what kids learn is the value of responsibility, the value of making the right choices in life. It's a real issue. Hang in there. Just know you're doing the right thing.

Answer 4

One should not reward or punish their children because it will only give the message that when we approve, we give and when we don't, we give harsh looks.

Giving a child a reward however when a behavior hasn't occurred- for example your child is watching tv and you come up to them and say "i love you" while giving a hug- tells her simply that you care about them. Not that you only care about them when they are emptying the dishwasher. When they do empty the dishwasher, say "I really appreciate you emptying the dishwasher. That contributes to the house a lot." Praise- "that picture is so pretty" just tells the child that YOU approve of their picture. Therefore, encourage instead of praise.

Answer 5

I think some parents do go a little overboard with it, but I think kids do deserve rewards sometimes for doing things. Like allowances and such. In the real world, you do your job for money, so shouldnt your child get a reward when they do something like take out the trash or something like that.

Answer 6

i think alot of verbal rewards are great!
i know that if i wash my car and someone says that's awesome....you did a great job.....i'd be more apt to keep it that way....if someone really didn't even take notice or i said "i washed my car today" and they said "yeah, you were supposed to, so what" i would probably let it get dirty and stay dirty longer.....
so lots of verbal praise is great....
i also think a reward system is awesome too.....
if you do x, y, and z for all this week you'll get a star each day...after a month when you fill it up you'll get a dollar or a special treat.
but to give your kids candy or toys just because they do certain things i don't think is healthy.

Answer 7

some parents are just way to lazy to teach their children anything, and when their children grow up, they can't handle them or get them to do anything, and the only way around this is to give them things or make promises to get them to work. unfortunately the kids of these parents are going to grow up to be lazy themselves, and not want to work, and will be living at home until they are 30.

Answer 8

i always rewarded my kids when they did something good even if it was expected of them. and no it wasn't because i was really lazy i now have some very responsible kids. who do enjoy thier work and have managed to learn how to work and do it right they arent lazy and they reward their chioldren . it teaches them responsibilities, and how to manage things. so reward your kids for being right, they will try harder in life.

Answer 9

It does send a bad message, which is why my partner and I are raising our daughter with the knowlegde that making mommy and daddy proud and happy is her reward, because she gets thankyou's and is made to feel good through that.

Answer 10

i totally agree with you and my daughter will never have the luxury of random rewards for things she should do anyway parents arent teaching values with this system they are teaching manipulation