My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two and a half years now, and except for the first nine months and the summer it's long distance. I love him and he loves me more than the world, but I'm not really *in* love anymore. We talk about getting married and I say yes because sometimes I really do and other times it's just not worth it to "throw him a blow" and tell him I'm unsure. He's a wonderful guy but we differ on politics, religion, finances, where we want to live, etc. and sometimes he's controlling. He gets upset with me for talking to guys and as a result I have no guy friends. Last August I found out he had cheated on me (about four times with the same girl) and I was able to forgive him but it still really hurts to think about it. I'm a sophomore in college so it's getting to the point where I feel like I either need to decide it's for life or give it up and start over. He's my first boyfriend so I really have no experience and kind of want to date other ppl.
2007-03-12 15:14:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you all are overlooking the fact, which I didn't get to mention enough due to the space limit, that I love him more than the world. He's the sweetest guy and is always sending me love notes and calling to tell me he loves me and complimenting me . . . He makes me feel so loved. I also made him sound more controlling than he really is - he's kind of paranoid, because his last two (one serious) girlfriends cheated on him while they were away at college, and while he asks lots of questions and gets worried when I mention a guy, he's getting better, making progress, keeps trying and constantly improving. We have arguments a little more frequently that other people in relationships, I think, but that's just the way I am - I have lots of love/hate relationships with various people. I just don't know if I can be sure that he's the right one to marry without other experiences but I don't want to risk losing him, either. I think I'll see how it is this summer at home and decide then.
2007-03-20 13:54:52 · update #1
He is my best friend - I tell him everything and honestly I feel like I have no other close friends (and NOT due to him - I'm a very introverted person).
2007-03-20 14:25:58 · update #2
Well nothing is ever worth giving up without working it out first you guys should get together and talk about your feelings because communication is very important in a relationship. You guys should also try and agree on somethings go where he wants to live hey a change of scenery might be nice and hey things might get better if you don't like it then you could always move back. Also its your life you should be able to have male friends if he is that insecure and he doesn't trust you then you shouldn't be with him and anyway what does he have to worry about he is the one that cheated not you. Most long distance relationships hardly work out its alot of time and effort but if your willing to put forth the effort then go for it. I also think that maybe if things are still not working then maybe you guys should have a break with each other and see other people some other experiences with other guys just might make it better who knows maybe you will find a guy that will trust you. I think that maybe you should just move on and remain friends with this guy. I'm only trying to help this is your decision I can't make if for you I hope that this helps in some way.
2007-03-20 14:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know this relationship is not going anywhere...and be very careful with a controlling guy...and there are some clear warning signals here.
It is o.k. for him to cheat on you, but you shouldn't talk to other guys? What is that about.?
You don't want to marry this guy....you are just not wanting to confront the problems you have ...and if nothing else, you need to just take a total break from him....tell him you want out....for awhile at least. You need to get totally in charge of your own life, your own decisions, and being totally independent as a person before you consider marriage to anyone. You need to start thinking for yourself.
My guess is just saying that is going to give you a clear picture who this guy really is. Controlling people are possessive people and he thinks of you as his possession...that can become even dangerous...so beware of marrying him. You cannot be your own person and not be allowed to talk to whoever you want. People who try to control others are very insecure and are impossible to live with.
So give it up and start over...and stay far away from this guy...because he might not let go easily.
2007-03-20 02:33:17 · answer #2 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok trust me you want to walk away from the relationship before it really hurts. I was in a long distance relationship for almost 7 years and in the long run if you can't do what makes you happy without him getting mad he is not the one. If he cheated on you once that you know of he will probably do it again.
Trust me save yourself the pain and trouble breaking it off later and move on now.
Loving somebody and being "in love" with them is 2 different things.
2007-03-20 14:51:54 · answer #3 · answered by delphina_16 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first love never dies, you'll always have the fondest memories, but it's pretty obvious from your short story that it's not working very well and you seem unhappy already, maybe you should give it a break or " cool-off " as some may describe it and see where it goes, you're young and you should be able to do thing you want to do while you're young, don't let other people dictate what you do in life, it's not healthy, it's unhappy , you're still in school, focus on your future career. You'll soon be okay...
2007-03-20 19:50:13 · answer #4 · answered by oki doki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go and date other guys!!!!!
There is more than one good guy out there!
Go and find one who is secure in himself, who trusts you and who you can trust. One who thinks like you do otherwise it will be hard to be life long partners.
A long term relationship is about more than romance. Is is best to be married to your best Friend.
2007-03-20 21:15:14 · answer #5 · answered by rickm913 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The moment I read "I'm not really in love anymore" I stop reading every thing else, it's over, move on.
2007-03-20 19:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by RoxanneZG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, learn from the rest of us!
You are young, have fun! Sounds like he is!
Please break it off with him and date other people. Don't limit yourself to a relationship that is obviously not fulfilling for you.
Good luck, and I hope this helps! :)
2007-03-12 22:24:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out and live a little...he did
2007-03-20 20:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋