Dating single moms? Is it even viable?

Question

I am 34 years old guy without kids. I find that every woman (literally) i meet has children.

I have gotten used to it to a degree.

But the problems always seem so similiar.

1) She wants me to help discipline the child. Any guy dating a single mom knows that his authority over the child pretty much stems from her. If the child runs over her, he tends to avoid bothering disciplining the child himself. This is ESPECIALLY true if the child has reached the age of 10+ years or older.

2) The relationship imbalance. The child by necessity always comes first for the mom. I am pretty sure this is as it should be. But now your asking a guy to put you first, when you cannot put him first. This will lead to angst.

3) What if it doesnt work out? Now you will have to break up with the mom AND the child. This is a tough thing to do. I have dated a few women were i really loved and adored the child. But i couldnt bear the mom!

I am at wits end. I should just give up on single moms?

I wanna state for the record that i am NOT one of them clingy 24/7 kinda guys.

Hell, getting me to call is not that easy :P

But, i mean by imbalanced relationship for example.

Everything you wanna do the child has to be factored in all the time.

me: Hey lets go to the show
her: great we can take timmy to see happy feet.

me: lets go out to dinner
her: sure, lets take timmy to red lobster he loves it there

me: lets go on vacation
her: can we get a suite so timmy can come

me: imma go play paintball this weekend.
her: can you take timmy with you?

me: imma just stay home and watch tv.
her: can me and timmy come over? Do you have any dvds he can watch?

me: I gotta get up early
her: WHAT? i got a sitter, we HAVE to go out to the bar tonight!

(note this is a compilation, that i put up for ease of understanding)

Do you see what i mean by imbalance? There has to be a give and take. But in the end, you HAVE to be willing to give so much and the resentment can build quickly.

Perhaps i am selfish. I dont THINK so, I try to be reasonable. But in the end of the day, i am old enough to know what will happen in the end, without having to live thru it again.

Wow Matts'wife. Either your stalking me (which is viable as i am rather good looking) OR matts not getting it done (else why would you be in the singles dating area)

In either event, dont sound so bitter, its unbecoming.

Answer 1

As long as you know that the kids come as part of the package, if this is not right for you or too upsetting, then don't do it. Surely there is someone out there with no kids.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Don't give up on single moms. Each person is different, you can't lump them under one category. However, that is your choice, if you don't want a 'ready made' family then yeah, do give up on single moms. However, I am your age (well, I will be in a month) and can tell you that most of my female friends do not have kids so maybe you are looking in the wrong places? But at the same time, when I was out in the dating world (I am now in a committed relationship) I found pretty much the same thing with guys. A couple even wanted to introduce me to their kids right away (one wanted our first date to include his kids...we never did go out). After wading through everything though, I did finally find a great guy who had never been married, nor did he have any kids. My mom thought that was an amazing accomplishment.

Answer 4

Not every woman your age has children, I don't. Yes a majority of woman your age and mine have children. You have to be a good man and let the mom put children first, but only at first. When the woman realises that you love her children and then them and then you figure out that you love her more than anything, and anything that is a part of her you win too. Its a win win situation. If you don't get along with her then how are you going to get along as a family. If you can understand and love the kids first and then realise how much you love her and the kids because they are a part of her, then you know you are on the right track. Single mothers need love too, but the most important thing in their lives is their children. They cannot change them they are there because they are a part of her. If you learn to love them both, then you will love them always. Take care Heather

Answer 5

I learned a lot about single moms.First, if they dont make their own kids behave and treat them with respect they will turn on YOU when you try to and the kid will HATE you for it.Its best if they have kids, that you see she makes them behave and treat her with respect, and she disciplines them CONSISTANTLY as needed.Next do not meet the kids until after you have dated a yr or 2 and are planning to get married (only if she trusts you to discipline them, their father isnt there to do the job you will be required to doand they need this from a male figure).Then if there is NO father in the picture she needs to let the child know they will be accountable to you also.Then get to know them at least 6 months before you make the wedding date concrete.If the kid is giving everyone grief, wait until theyre grown and out of the house.Ive only known of 2 single moms out of thehundreds of single moms I can say made thier kids behave and respect them.The rest ran over their moms and their mom's new husbands.

Answer 6

i think you should find a new type of girl to date it doesn't matter if shes a mom or not it sounds like your dating girls that are looking for a "daddy" for there kid. i'm a single mother of 2 and i raise my own kids i don't bring guys home that solves 1 as for #2 i normally spilt my time and don't date guys that need 24 hour emotional support so we can go somewhere or do something anytime after 7(cause whats there to do before then) and 3 refer to 1 you don't know my kids so theres no trouble with the break up. so if you are gonna date a single mom make sure shes not just lookin for a daddy for her kids

Answer 7

i think of as quickly as you progression previous 27 years previous the age element is especially lots out the window. You care lots much less approximately what human beings say approximately you and care extra approximately your very own happiness. i in my opinion understand of a 27 years previous women who broke with along with her 28 years previous boyfriend and dated a 40 years previous and could no longer be happier. that's all approximately how a individual handle you. So might you rather stay with somebody of an identical age yet handle you like crap purely given which you're afraid of what some stranger who has no longer something to do mutually with your very own existence think of roughly you?

Answer 8

I ASKED THE SAME ABOUT SINGLE DADS! GOOD LUCK AND YES MY KIDS ARE ALWAYS FIRST. MEN COME AND GO BUT THE CHILDREN ARE YOURS FOREVER. AND AS FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE KIDS...I HAVE ALSO AND IT HURTS WORSE TO LEAVE THEM. THEY DONT UNDERSTAND EITHER. I TRY TO MAINTAIN A CLOSER RELATIONSHIP TO THEM AT LEAST SOME

Answer 9

Who knows why you even want to date a single mom, as your question about parents being "the most boring people" should answer your question for you! Good luck being single.

Answer 10

You should give up on single moms. It is a relationship that requires an unselfish man. A man that puts others ahead of himself. No offense, but it sounds like your not that kind of man.