I need your opinion....?

Question

My uncle molested me when I was 7 ok and my aunt knew about it but chose to not help me and basically protect him. He just molested me once like touching fondling and making me touch him. I feel like I am making a big deal about it and I think I am over reacting like it could have been worse. I have been feeling pretty bad about it lately and this is the only way I can really get it out. I know it could have been worse do you think it's not that big of a deal? I don't know because everyone is making me feel like it's not and I feel like crap.

by the way he is dead now

Answer 1

I hope you don't talk to either of them anymore. You were molested and you do need to talk about it to someone. You aren't over reacting by the way. Those that say 'it's no big deal' either were never molested or were really molested bad, like raped etc, and are not sympathetic types.

Here is a support group list for you:
http://dmoz.org/Society/Support_Groups/Sexual_Abuse/

Good luck! You should never feel like what was done is 'no big deal' because it is a big deal. Your uncle and aunt are SICK. Molesting a kid is one of the most disgusting and gross things that adults can do.

Answer 2

I do not know your age and it would help me answer you better if I did but I will do my best . First of all do not let anyone make you feel that you are wrong or that you should not make a big deal about it, it is a big deal. Someone violated something that was very private to you without your permission. It is such a big deal that it is a criminal offense and if he got away with it with you, then he has probably got away with it with someone else. If your family does not think that it is a big deal, then they need to walk in your shoes. People do not realize that it is still criminal sexual conduct although there was no vaginal penetration. I am so very glad that you are talking about it because if you do not, it can affect you in various ways later in if it already hasn't. You were a child and no matter how you look at it, this monster of a human being took away your innocence at a very youg age and forced you to look at the world differently. This person should have been reported to the authorities a long time ago. Your Aunt chose not to and you were just a child. You need to confront this Uncle and tell him how he made you feel by doing what he did because this will help you to resolve some of it.Move forward and gather strength form positive people in your life and move forward. By telling him how he made you feel , it is kind of like taking the control back into your life that he took from you by making you feel like dirt. Do not let this make you feel that you are not deserving of a good life and a good man who will love and respect you. Most of all be good to yourself and love yourself. Hold your head up high and walk tall for I can't tell you enough that it was not your fault in any form or fashion. I hope that you are of age to talk to a minister or a counselor and do not keep this bottled up in you for I went through something quite similiar when I was younger so I can totally relate. As far as knowing that it could have been worse, it was worse enough. It gave you the same feeling of being violated . I am so glad that you wrote requesting help in understanding your feelings in the matter because everthing that you felt was how you were supposed to feel and do not let your Aunt or anyone try to make you feel that you made too big of a deal. If you had not told anyone then he would have gone farther. God bless you and keep you from all harm. You are a special person who has a very good idea of who you are.

Answer 3

Shame on your Aunt,if anyone should be feeling like crap it should be her. One time was one time too many for a child to be molested.It is a big deal, a big deal that no one who cares and loves you has reached out to help you. It could not have been worse, a terrible thing hapened to you. Molestation is just that ,there is no degree of being worse. For one who is everyone that is making you feel like it isn't a big deal?They need some serious help. There are support groups that you can go and talk,be heard and helped. Give it a try. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Good Luck

Answer 4

It is a big deal, he introduced you to sex at such a young age, and sex is for adults. There is a reason why God made us the way that he did and that he made adults able to handle such tough issues and children not such tough issues.

OK so you are feeling bad about it. Obviously you are not afraid, just the thought of the molesting though makes you feel dirty and icky I know I have been there. Like you did something wrong to cause it, and then on top of that, he is a dead man so you are not suppose to feel this way about a dead man? Not so, he still did it and it still hurt.

So what can you do to move on. If he was still alive he could go to prision for child molestation still, but he is not he is dead. You deal with it by going to a group counseling type session.

Let me tell you about a group called living waters. They are a church based ministry and they can help. You can google on the internet. It is called Living waters Ministies. I don't know how old you are, so you may not be able to get the exact help you need. But they can put you in touch with someone who can help.

If you cannot find one in your area, please go to a school counselor, and talk to them, or if you are college age or older look up a counselor in the phone book.

I am sorry that I cannot help you more. You are not alone in your feelings though and you are loved. I am sorry that you were molested. I am so very sorry.

Answer 5

It was a huge deal, a huge violation. Your uncle was also without a doubt hurting other children this way. I'm sorry the evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil people in your family - evil=siding with sexually predatory adults against children - have been so unsupportive, so blaming of a child.

You should write your uncle a letter, spelling out all your rage and hurt. Then, maybe burn the letter, or put it in a little paper boat and watch it float/sink out to sea. Or, attach it to a balloon and let it fly away. You can then write a letter to each other person in the family who let you down so terribly. Lastly, if you think there are still perps in your family, you need to blow this open and protect other kids.

No one can tell you how it affected you. Yikes.

A huge problem that often occurs for kids is that the fondling felt pleasant and so they feel guilty, tho they never ever would have initiated this and are in no way on earth to blame.

If writing the letters, having ceremonies of moving forward, and being clear on any current victimizations doesn't help you feel stronger and more resolved, then consider counseling. Be careful, tho. There are a lot of pop psychology quacks out there and you need a really quality person for issues like this.

Answer 6

If it bothers you, then it is a big deal. It probably still haunts you because you had no protection or guidance from the adults in your life. You can't let it control your life though. Perhaps you can speak to a counselor or support group who can help you work out your feelings, and maybe even confront your uncle and aunt. I hope that he has not been around other children. Does anyone else know about this?

Answer 7

It WAS a big deal and I am very sorry to hear that your family is not making it a big deal. I think this is a subject that is uncomfortable for people to do with. You were violated and you didn't ask for it and your uncle was and still is completely in the wrong. Even if it was only one time, it was one too many times. Please do not feel the need to minimize the situation. I would go speak to a professional to help you through this. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

it is a big deal!!!!!!!!!!!! and i hope you know that it is not your fualt by any means. he was a sick man. and i hate that you had to go through that. i wish there was more that i could do for you but thank god he is dead and cant do this to anymore kids. you should make a big deal about it and there may be something that can be done to you aunt for knowing and not doing anything. but you do need to talk to someone about this other than on yahoo. someone that can really help you i am here to listen if you need a friend. i will be praying for you.

Answer 9

yoo friend, it is a big deal. am sorry u being in the wrong family. get out from there. find ur self another place where u can be independent and better person. forget the past and move on. dont let the anything blocking ur future. u are not a crab. u deserved better life. go! i wish the best for u. take care.

Answer 10

it is a HUGE deal. the bastard is dead, but you are still suffering. the effects of sexual abuse do not go away on their own, and can lead to more serious problems later in life- alcoholism, drug addiction, relationship troubles, depression, sexual dysfunction etc. i know i would be growing a huge resentment for my family if they knew and did nothing- and that can't lead to anything good. please treat yourself lovingly- the way you deserve- and go to a therapist specializing in sexual abuse.
you don't have to commit to years of therapy or anything- just go talk to someone a few times. they might give you some insights to how much and how deeply this has already affected you.
take care!