......lemme see...Do you find it easier to forgive your kids if they straight up confess about something, or would you rather find out later on your own?
i.e. : your 16yr has five tattoos that you're completly unaware of.
Being totally HONEST, what you you consider for consequences?
Or, would you even punish her for coming clean about it on her own??
Help please
2007-03-12 14:03:59 · 12 answers · asked by This Gurl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think if they straight up told me I would not be as mad, and I would take it a lot better than if I found out on my own. A 16 year old that has 5 tatoos, there is nothing you can do about them, they are already there. I don't think I would punish my child for getting a tatoo, it is there body, they will learn later that they shouldn't have gotten them. I would be disappointed in them though.
2007-03-12 14:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, I think that there would be consequences for this. In my little world, I wouldn't care if my child wanted body piercings or different colored hair/styles/cuts because all of those things can be changed.....tats however, cannot and no matter what you do, you can't change that. What the issue is here is trust. Your child did not feel as though he or she could come to you and speak openly and honestly about this and so decided on thier own to get the tattoos. Maybe they DID come to you after the fact and tell you about it, but it's now too late to undo the damage...and its not really about the tattoos. It's about the fact that they didn't ask permission in the first place.
Back to the consequences....
If it were my child, I would let them stew about it. I would let them know that there WILL be consequences for thier actions, however, you're going to need some time to think about what punishment they will be getting. In the meantime, they aren't going out. Not with friends or family, no computer (but for the nessessities) until you can come up with a good enough punishment for them.
And for me the punishment would probably mean working and handing over at least 3/4 of thier earnings until you feel that there is enough money saved to have them removed. This may mean that they'll be working for next to nothing for the next year or 2, but so be it. When they have enough money saved (in a seperate account where you're putting thier money), then it will be time for you to discuss what you should do. Do they really want them removed? Are they old enough now to make that decision? And if not, then the money can stay in an account until they are ready to have them removed and if, at the age of 18, they decide NOT to have them removed, the money can either be kept in savings until they are 21 or remove the tattoos. Now, this is a LONG, LONG lesson that they are learning. It may seem that it's harsh and it may seem a little over the top, but they have now learned that they can make these decisions and have something to back them up. They can get tattoos, but they can also go through an expensive, painful process to have them removed. Or they can live with thier mistake (if that's what they've learned now, that it WAS a mistake, they may not even feel that way...they may like them and want to keep them) and when they turn 21, they can use the money on something like schooling or a house, wedding or something significant that they will remember forever, like the tattoo, for the rest of thier lives.
This is just my take, but I think it would suck for them, initially, but they would thank me for it in the long run.
Good luck in whatever you do.
2007-03-12 14:30:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be concerned with the tattoo artist that did the work on the child. As far as the consequences she will have to live with the tattoos. What's cool to her now may become something she absolutely hates when she gets older, and that tattoos carry alot of weight in the way people judge a person. It could even cost her that one job she'd love to have. (I'm not bashing tattoos either..simply speaking from experience..I have several myself.) All that said, it's good that she finally decided to be honest and that should be taken into consideration and given credit or next time she won't be. But she really needs to know that at her age, even though she is close to adulthood, that she is not yet an adult and there are definite boundaries and that sneaking off and getting not only one but five tattoos is going way over the line.
2007-03-12 14:22:14 · answer #3 · answered by He calls me cranky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, did all these tattoos happen at the same time? If not how did it get that far before you found out about it?
I would rather my kids be totally honest with me, but that doesn't always happen. Kids are influenced a lot by who they hang around with. Talk to them about truth and honesty and encourage them to come to you and talk. Not just try to go about doing things always behind your back.
2007-03-12 14:16:30 · answer #4 · answered by quoarrieesmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby and i are very straight forward with our kids. if they confess to the crime then the punishment will be less harsh, if any atall, but if they lie about something they have done and we find out about it later, they will be grounded for a really long time. the point is not to stress that you are the main disciplinarian in this relationship, but you are there and will be there for when they nedd you themost. its hard being a parent and theres n such thing as a perfect one. yo have to take what is dealt to you. just let the kids know that if they lie they will lose what trust you have for them, but if they tell the truth, they will gain trust. try it and see.
2007-03-12 15:10:36 · answer #5 · answered by mommyof6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be a lot easier for me if my teen came forward with it and just plain tell me about it. I would still be upset, but the honesty would go a long way. Being honest about it tells me a lot about what I can expect later on as well when it comes to these issues.
2007-03-12 14:13:18 · answer #6 · answered by jimmyd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am a parent of a 6 year old daughter and I am allways telling her that it's allways best to tell the truth straight up and be honest because u will not be in as much trouble as if u lied about it. Tell your parent's and accept the consequences.They may just tell u that they are very dissapointed in u.
2007-03-12 14:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would want them to come to me, shows respect and that they are gowing up and accepting responsibility.
16 yrs old....... Wow, I thought you had to be 18 to get inked without the parents approval. Cant help on the punishment not knowing the circumstances and history better.
Good Luck.
2007-03-16 03:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids were always told the punishment would be more severe if we had been lied to. SOmehow, we parents, always find out. The deed is done, now deal with it. Be reasonable, but firm.
2007-03-13 08:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would freak out if I found them on him. I would still be mad if he told me, but I think I could forgive a lot easier that way than finding them.
2007-03-12 14:08:17 · answer #10 · answered by jfoxie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋