My sister is confusing me and it's scary...?

Question

My sister seems remorceless. She never apologizes and then she fools me and my mom into talking to her, then she thinks everything is better, when it isn't. She throws things, hits people and swears A LOT. She even put horrible things about me and my mom about how she hates us on her AIM profile.

I love her and her therepist said she should go to an anger/ emotional help hospital dorm thingy. I know I should love her and I do, a lot, I want her to get help, but it's hard to handle that she might be leaving for maybe even over a year! Plus she thretens us saying that she will never come back if we send her there and she will hate us until we die.

It's horrible to hear her say that when both me and my mom love her dearly. She is also messy and never picks up after herself. She seems selfish but it also seems she can't control her acting up most of the time.

It's confusing. But I guess what I'm asking is, will she ever get better and what should I do to try and help her.

I'm 13 and shes 14. Also, sometimes she talks about wanting to kill me and my mom. I get scared a lot and normally don't know what to do.

She has done many things like pushing down the stairs and black eyes. When she was only about 6 or 7 she kicked a hole through the wall.

Oh and she doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke, because thats why we hate our dad, he abused both me, my mom and my sister. He gone though by the way (thank god).

By the way people, I have found soooooooo many good answers so far. I would love to favor all you yours but I want to get more answer so I can have as many options possible. But mostly all of the aswers so far are winners!

Answer 1

Your sister is clearly in need of the kind of help she has been offered.
Many people who are struggling the way she is have huge amounts of anger.There could be any number of causes for that and only therapy will be able to get to the bottom of it.
Try to believe that she is unwell at the moment and her threats and actions are symptons of that-not her genuine feelings.Without the love you and your Mom clearly have for her she could have been in an even worse state.
Even if she resents you for a while I dont think it will last .When she comes through this she will see that you did everything possible to help and support her.
I would imagaine that she is deeply troubled to be beaving this way toward you but has no control over it.
stick with the help thats been offered-its for the best in the long term.Try to remember this is not the real her.Support your Mom,and show unconditional love to both of them.

Answer 2

The actions are terrible for you and your family--she is in need of help--all you can do is remember the girl has a problem--the harsh words are just words--no need to over react to them all the time. She is exhibiting a control factor--she knows how to get attention---she acquired this behavior and it works everytime. That is not your fault and there is nothing YOU can do about it. There is a chance that she has an allergy to food additives--high fructose corn syrup, MSG, artificial sweetners, white flour, sugar---all can cause this behavior---she can't help it and she needs the hospital to control her intake everyday--that will tell. She might have an imbalance that needs medication--that needs to be controlled in a hospital too--once they straighten out the problem, she will come home---and you will see a better sister. Just be nice, be supportive, don't react and don't feel that anything is your fault. Let the professionals work their magic--they will not tolerate the manipulating behavior, the anger, and the other bad tempered actions---they are not going to allow her to act the way she does now..she will be taught the control your family is not able to give because they are not informed.... if she runs away, it is another manipulation tactic--she is very good at all that stuff. Good luck

Answer 3

Mental disorders or chemical imbalance could be a cause. If not then trauma in her life that she may think you or your mom could have prevented. People have to hit bottom before they will turn it around. Adding fuel to her by responding coldly back is not a good idea. Proverbs 19:19 comes to mind. My brother is angry at the world right now due to a divorce from 5 years ago and no end in sight to his anger at everyone like it happened yesterday. It can be toxic to the rest of the family. Sometimes all you can do is let go, pray continuously and let them hit bottom. Ask God to put someone in her life that can get through to her. Good luck and keep on Loving her.

Answer 4

Sounds like she needs the anger/emotional help hospital. And remember she is going there to get the help she needs. Right now, she thinks she will hate you and your mom for sending her and says she wont come back. However, in the long run, if the therapy is the help she needs (which sounds like it may be), she is going to get better while she is there and probably appreciate that you guys didn't "throw in the towel" on her. Her life will change for the better when her issues have been dealt with. Good luck to you all!

Answer 5

She definitely needs professional help. Even if she threatens to never come back and will hate you forever, so be it. I highly doubt that will be true. I'm sure she can't be happy the way she is. Once she gets professional help and gets to a more level "plane", I'm sure she will be most thankful.
I know getting her psychiatric help will be difficult for you and your mother but, once your sister gets straightened out, all of you will be much happier. I mean, the way things are now, everyone is upset and things couldn't get much worse. Getting your sister help has only got to improve the situation.

Answer 6

It is obvious you love your sister dearly, it also sounds like something is bothering her deeply. Are both of your parents there? or did someone die that she was really close too? She should get some counseling, but it may make her feel better if both you and your mom go with her, to show that you support her, and both of you want her to get the help she needs.

Answer 7

All you can do is love her and tell her she has your support whether she wants it or not. The rest she needs to do for herself. She needs to get the help. It's going to be hard to be without your sister, and I know you will miss her, but ultimately it's for the best. Trust me, I've been in this kind of family situation many times.Things do get better, but ultimately whatever happens you are strong and you can survive it.

Answer 8

If her therapist says that will make her better, then it will. It sounds like she really needs the help, and anything will be an improvement.

I know it's scary, but it's a chance for her to get better. Right now she sounds out of control.

Answer 9

I am gong to assume she is a teenager and you are not, or are barely one. Remember how she is acting and don't follow her lead.
It does sound like she needs help and she will not hate you until you die. If she does, then she doesn't love you now, but she really does. Your momma's gotta get that girl under control! If momma can't do it she needs to find someone who will help her. I hope your sis is not into drugs.

Answer 10

Stay strong and TRUE:
I have a goddaughter that has the same sort of problems (delusional) - 21yrs -
Never give up on her,
Know that it's not you and your mother that have the problem,
Don't think you can placate her by agreeing that she's right when she's not!!
Love her!!