Can I ever move on and forget a religion I was in for half my life that destroyed me?

Question

I was a Jehovah's Witness until I was about 11 or 12. My parents finally decided to divorce and my mom had taken me and my brother away from the religion at last. We could me normal kids and see my moms side of the family again. But my dad's side I have never really seen since. Maybe once or twice. Also my mothers own brother who is a JW told her she was dead to him when they divorced and took my dad's side! All because of this religion. Can I ever move on?

Answer 1

The short answer is 'yes, you can move on and forget the past religion.' I think you asked this or a similar question that is just now going into voting. Did you not get an answer there that helped?

Well, you can move on. You are young yet. From your email describing your age at leaving as 11 or 12 and 'half your life' I surmise you're in your early to mid twenties. You have many years ahead.

But the key to moving on from any trauma is how one views themself. If you view yourself as a 'victim,' you will remain a victim. If you perceive yourself as having power in your life, you will move beyond what happened in your family. Some of the issues may be more about the family dysfunction than about the Watchtower. I spent a year in counseling after I left, and I would say for anyone that it is nothing to be ashamed of. If you can, do so, and open up about the things that boil under the surface, that make your stomach ache with fear and angst. Once that all erupts and flows out, you will find that healing is much easier. But if you keep it bottled up, it will continue to gnaw at you and corrode your spirit.

Your comments reveal you still have pain and anger over what happened between your mom and dad and with the two families. That is normal, but if we hang onto those hurts and remain in the thinking that we're a victim, it will make it almost impossible to move forward. To move into the future, it is imperative that we let go of the past. Pain, yes, fear, yes, but but it can be survived. With each step you take, it will get clearer and easier. Spring is here, summer's not far behind.

Come in From the Rain

Come in from the rain
And smile once again --
Raise your head,
And open your eyes.
Look at the bright sun,
All yellow and round --
Never more
Should you have to cry.

Outside the wind blows,
Mistral -- bitter cold
Mem'ries are etched
In your mind.
Relax by the fire,
Lean back, close your eyes;
Spring is here --
Summer's not far behind.
-- © 1997VFAH

Answer 2

Dear Amanda,

Yes, you will not only be able to move on and forgive those 11-12 years of your life.

Do you know that several former Watchtower Witnesses have been praying for you ever since you posted your other question about the same time? They were jws for 20 or 30 or more years of their lives and are now and only now able to thrive because they have come to know Jesus Christ as He really IS.

Have you heard the saying - When life hands you lemons make lemonade? Well, by offering these circumstances to your heavenly Father let Him reveal His glory to you and through you.

My mom was and still is a jw but my dad never even considered it. My parents remained married but I sure used to wish they would divorce. It seemed as though Mom waged WW3 every Sunday.

Your question will only be open a short while longer so I'm going to send it to a few people who left the jws in hopes that they have time to speak to you.

Hallowed be His Name!

Answer 3

I was an Orthodox Jew until I was 9, when my parents broke up and my mom moved out of the community. We had to stop contact with everyone else in that community, even my best friend. I also had never met my mom's side of the family.

You can get over it, but it's really hard. There are other people like you, though. Perhaps there is a support group around or someone who specializes in this?

If not, talk to your mom. It's hard for her too, and I bet you two would have a lot to talk about.

Answer 4

I once was told by a Mennonite Pastor that my husband and I (of 12 years) were living in sin (because we both had been divorced and remarried)...I was so devastated...I had promised the Lord I wouldn't get divorced again...I felt like I was doomed...it put me to bed for like 3 months...I was so depressed...one day when I was going to work...there was this very audible voice...just like if we were talking to each other...it said "Seek the truth and you shall be set free"...the truth my dear is the Lord...if He didn't come for the impossible reasons why did He come?...You can't unscramble eggs so to speak...I know that divorce isn't the ideal way...we have a wise God and he knows all the pain that comes with divorce...for everyone...but sometimes divorce happens...and through him you can find healing...I can't tell you that you can ever make your family see... but I can tell you that if you let Christ...He can heal your pain. He is the truth...that will set you free...Be Blessed.

Answer 5

This is hard to do, but you can. It is up to you to decide the values and morals that guide your life. If you are ready to walk out on a religion that does not satisfy your spiritual beliefs, then you will have to let go of the people who cannot support your decision. Let that be an inward swinging door, though. Let those you love who won't support you know that you will always welcome them (if you so choose). Religious conflicts can devistate relationships, but your life is yours alone to make or break. You wil be far happier if you allow yourself the room to find what does satisfy you in life. It can be done. It isn't easy, but it can be done. My heart goes out to you, but both my husband and I have been through similar religious outcastings in our own families. Eventually, you find you need people who make you a better person (wherever they be and whatever religions that mixes you into) more than you need the family that refuses to love you because of your spiritual choices. Good luck!

Answer 6

Yes, I think you can. How old are you now? I grew up in a very strict Christian home and had no TV, music except for select "Christian" music, friends except for those in my Christian school, and was even sent through a Christian college that constantly watched and regulated my actions and choices. I was told how to dress and act for the first twenty-one years of my life, until I decided I was going to make my own decisions. I decided that because my dad broke me up from a Christian boy I was only WRITING letters to! I was furious with him and told him he would never tell me what to do again.

Seven years later, I have become the person I always wanted to be. I married well, have a wonderful little girl, and am working on giving her a perfect life=one with guidance but not strict orders, and so forth.

I think if you want to forget who you used to HAVE to be, you can. Remember that family is important, but don't let them dictate who you are. My family was upset with me for awhile (I am still the only girl in the family who wears pants-- my three sisters and all my collegemates only wear dresses), but they have warmed back up and we get together on the holidays and send letters throughout the years. I am so much happier being involved in my husband's family. We're very happy. I wish you luck. You kind of have to re-think who God is, too. Don't push Him entirely out of your life, but realize that He is much bigger than the people who taught you your religion made Him out to be. He loves you and doesn't make demands and rules like they have told you. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm really sorry that ur mom got disfellowshipped... But the only way that a person can get disfellowshipped is if a witness was involved in wrongdoing and was unrepentant.....

I know it is easier to blame the religion, instead of any of the two parties involved. I don't know what the problem was, but chances are.... it would have still existed if they were a part of another religion or no religion at all.

Answer 8

Yes you can move on.

I beleive what you need to do is get a better understanding about Christianity by reading the bible yourself. That will help you have a better perspective about the mistakes you father and Uncle are making. So, that you can forgive them and teach them how wrong they are.

Meanwhile, stay by your mother and concentrate and building your life and moving ahead.

Answer 9

thats sounds more like a family problem than a religious one

try and make contact with your dad if you want to and if he brings up his religion tell him you are not ready to talk about it but would like to try to have a relationship with him as for forgetting your past religion you may never but use what you have learned good or bad and apply to your life in a positive way its possibl even though it may not feel like it now

Answer 10

I agree with what an earlier commenter said, You have Family problems. I've found people can move on from most anything. You however seem to have NOT moved on.

Try to find something positive to focus your life on. You will feel better and be helping others.