I have been estarnged from my extended family for about a year. Recently, we started communicating again. Everytime I am in contact with them I end up getting my feelings hurt. i feel like i am an emotional rollercoaster when I ever i have anything to do with them. What should I do, continue to have a relationship with them or cut them off completely for my own mental sake? I really feel like I have had enough and I know they won't change.
2007-03-12 11:42:21 · 12 answers · asked by FormatLife 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to them and tell you how you feel. : )
good luck!!!
2007-03-12 11:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by hannah h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are going to tell you "Family is family: and that you have to try to work things out with them. That's bollocks (or crap, if you will). If you've tried and failed with no end in sight, take another extended break. Maybe they'll be a little better next year.
Try just calling them occasionally and inquiring about their health. Keep things nice and short, and there shouldn't be any opportunity for hurt feelings.
You aren't married to you family, and even though you may love them, sometimes you need to keep your distance from people who hurt you. And nobody can hurt you more than people you love.
2007-03-12 18:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by J.C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront them and tell them your situation (maybe they don't know that they are hurting you) try to resolve some of the problems but if they continue I would avoid them. Don't completely cut them off, perhaps things could get better, till then try to be more of an acquaintance and when they start to rub you the wrong way leave. Hope this helped, good luck!
2007-03-12 18:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jenni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know where you are coming from.
personally i found it easier to cut my family off. i couldn't live with the continual backstabbing, gossiping, complaining, and whining.
i hated the guilt trips they pulled, the put downs and the nasty remarks about my husband and children.
if i dared put my husband and kids first and/or if i didn't jump when they wanted i was ignored for days on end. and then only spoke to if i called first and said i was sorry.
they would only contact me when they had a big fight, and then its a race to see who can get to me first and tell me the other one said this and that.
i tried to stay detached as suggested here, and i tried to keep the lines of communication open as suggested here, but i came to realize they only wanted a whipping post - and that was me. not every family is a good family and only you can decide if yours is worth the upset and misery. i put up with it for years and finally i put a stop to it the only way i could. i said goodbye. since then my life has been so much better, and as a result i am so much calmer and happier. its unfortunate but it is what i had to do.
you will have to make your own decision of course but sooner or later you will come to realize that the only one in your family that will concern themselves with you..............is yourself.
good luck with it all, i know its a horrid situation you are in but i do hope you will find the peace, the happiness, and contentment that i did.
2007-03-12 19:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are causing you pain and are putting you down then don't hesitate to cut them off. If every time you talk to them you get off the phone feeling horrible and stressed then it's not worth it. You can either tell them that you don't want to hear their put downs and that if they can't have a nice conversation with you then don't call at all or you can just stop talking to them. Either way, you have to do something - no one deserves to be put down and stressed like that, especially by their own family.
2007-03-12 18:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a relationship, you must practice detachment. Do not take things personally. Realize that what they say and do is an expression of them, not a reflection of you. You are probably reacting emotionally to everything that goes on. Look at your behavior and make a choice how to respond to them, in a calm way.
2007-03-12 19:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice to have family in your life, but not at the expense of your sanity. I realize that I don't know the situation & don't mean this to be harsh, but first be sure you're not being overly sensitive before cutting them out of your life. If you're constantly getting hurt by your family, then maybe it's best to keep your distance from them.
2007-03-12 18:50:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about communicating via e-mail or sending letters?
This will give you the opportunity to confront them if they write hurtful things, with written proof. Also, this will give you a chance to see if you are misinterpreting what they are saying, or if their words to you are subject to two meanings.
Also, you get to control the subject, so that it is possible to avoid topics that will lead to family chaos.
BEST OF LUCK!
2007-03-12 18:50:53 · answer #8 · answered by cc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well yours is a hard one. I always hear communication is the key so talk to them one last time but try face to face so they know your sirius and you know that their listening to you. Try not to suger coat any feelings but yet becarful their human to (even if you sometimes dought it lol). Good luck
2007-03-12 19:03:08 · answer #9 · answered by SUMMER&GUS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need mental stability and if that means cutting them off, then so BE it!
2007-03-12 18:45:40 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a relation ship but not a close one.
2007-03-12 18:48:09 · answer #11 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋