My brother is getting married 3 weeks after my baby is due.He is getting married in a strange town where we don't know anyone. They said no kids under 18 were allowed. I express my concern about leaving a new baby w/a stranger and I didn't feel I would want to go to the wedding if my baby could not come. During that same conversation the fiance said she wanted us there and me in the wedding.
Skip ahead a month and I haven't gotten a call from them only emails asking me my dress size. So I sent them a friendly email saying my husband and I would like to speak w/them, not only about the baby issue but they have not talked to us in months and she blames me for things I haven't even done, before we commit to being in the wedding & paying $1000.
I just got an email from her saying they do not want the baby there and I should leave it with a sitter because they are paying $600 for a video. Is that the cost of family? I don't want to be in the wedding. But want to watch. Advice pls
2007-03-12 11:04:27 · 37 answers · asked by Ambre B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Oh my sounds like you have a very selfish brother and sister-in-law! Why would they not want their brand new niece/nephew there? For that matter why are they so anti-child?
I would tell them that your new child is family and should be invited to come. Also you are NOT in the least bit comfortable about leaving a newborn with a sitter. I would never leave such a young child with a sitter it could be dangerous!
You should also consider the fact that you are probably not going to be recovered enough to go. What if you tear during the delivery? Many women do. What if you have a C section? What if the incision gets infected?
If you plan on breastfeeding, how are you going to do that and be away from the baby all day. Yes there are breast pumps, but you don't start an infant that is being breast feed on bottles until 6 weeks of age.
Honestly I doubt you are going to feel like going at all and you are not going to want to leave your brand new baby all day.
God bless!
2007-03-12 11:12:14 · answer #1 · answered by The OTHER Boelyn Chic 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, that is bull s@!*%! Tell you're brother that it's messed up that he doesn't want his neice/nephew at his wedding as if he/she is a burden! Something about that is just sooo wrong! I'm sorry but you know what I would do...I would tell them that no, you won't be in there wedding! You just had a baby and they don't want your baby there? Instead of spending $1,000 on a dress your only going to wear once, use it towards your babies college tuition or expenses. They can not have it their way and what is the point of having a wedding if you can't have your family there. You know what I think?...I think that the fiance doesn't want the baby there because she thinks that the baby will take away attention from her big day. She sounds selfish and just plain rude. They have a lot of nerve to ask you to be in their wedding, spend over $1,000, not talk to you unless it has to with the wedding, and expect you to leave your new born at home. That means that you have to pay a babysitter to watch your newborn because your family is going to be at the wedding, i'm sure. So what if they are paying $600 for a video? For the record it's not the cost of family. They are just using you....and come on? They communicate with you through email? What family member does that especially if you're going to be in their wedding. I know it's your brother....but tell him how you feel. Give him an altumatum and tell him if your newborn can't go....you won't go. You shouldn't have to do something you don't want to do. If he doesn't understand then....tell him not to count you in. I find it really rude and inconsiderate on your brother's part and his fiance's. Dont' commit until you have a grown up, face to face, heart to heart, civilized conversation with him. Stick to your guns.....be strong.
*Sorry if I went off....I just don't think it's fair and I find it to be very rude and disturbing considering how things are going and the occassion of all things. I would understand if it was an adult themed kind of thing......other than that.....they are just asking for way tooooo much!*
2007-03-12 11:26:55 · answer #2 · answered by Bella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a 3 week old baby usualyl doesnt do anything but sleep- so they really shouldnt be a disruption. If the child does begin to cry then you can politely excuse yourself and go tend to its needs. I wouldnt suggest taking the child to the receoption asit may be crowded, smoky, people drinking and very loud music. You can excuse yourself after the wedding.
I say write a letter explaining to them that while you really feel that you should be there at their wedding, you simply cannot come due to baby's arrival and the timing. You would love to watch the wedding if they would allow it.
I wouldnt leave my newborn. Family or not. Your brother is that baby's uncle. If you are really feeling guilty about it- find a sitter you can take with to sit with the baby and then leave early from the whole thing. Kind of like making an appearance and then leaving. Your duty is to protect your children- and at such a young age to be away from them isnt a very good idea.
2007-03-12 14:32:36 · answer #3 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are in exactly the same situation right now with his sister. She has planned her wedding to be in another state, at night, and no kids allowed. As the parents of her infant nephew, we are more than a little dismayed. Given the fact that everyone will be traveling to another state for this wedding (even the bride and groom) and that almost all of us have children, we expected that she would arrange for some type of family childcare. However, she merely informed us that some of the hotel employees "babysit on the side." I have never left my son with a babysitter and am not comfortable leaving him with some random bellhop for his first time. Therefore, my husband will attend his sister's ceremony alone while I put our child to bed in the hotel room and then he and I will "switch off" during the reception. It is not a great solution, but the most important thing I have learned as a mother is that my child must come first.
2007-03-12 13:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by Petite Mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, what a mess. First of all, there is no guarentee that your baby will arrive on time. (I know a gal who had to be talked into being induced cuz she was 3 weeks past her due date.) Second, it is EXTREMELY hard to guess what size you'll be that soon after delivery. Third, it's pretty harsh to ask a new mother to leave her newborn. If the wedding was within an hour's drive I might be able to understand it, but it sounds to me like you have some major travelling to do.
The old saying goes "in case of emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before assisting the person next to you." You have to put yourself and your family first. It's unfortunate that it is going to interfere with your brother's wedding, but birth and death (and weddings) are not convienant things. At this point, get your brother himself on the phone (not the fiance, she sounds like she's got a touch of Bridezilla going on) and tell him that you really regret having to miss the wedding, but with all the logistics that are involved and the timing being so close to your due date, you just cannot make it. Participate in as much of the pre-wedding festivities as you can, send them a nice gift and ask to see the video.
2007-03-12 12:21:39 · answer #5 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not leave a newborn baby alone, especially if it was mine.
When is the wedding?
If it is more than a few months away, I would regretfully back out, especially since you should be recovering after giving birth and they are not letting the baby come. Your husband could always remove him and the baby to a different location if the baby starts crying.
If it is coming up soon, I would have a serious discussion with the bride and groom. They need to realize you have a newborn baby to take care of and do not want to hire some unknown babysitter to take care of him/her.
2007-03-12 11:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what an ordeal! I agree that you should send your regrets. You are the only one who can stand up for yourself and your baby, and would you ask someone to do this for you? You need to protect your baby! You might not even have had your baby by the due date either, but you can't go that long without being with your baby (I'm not even a parent, and I know that).
The key is to tactfully decline without making your brother choose between you and his fiancee. You need to be able to take the graceful way out, so you can maintain good relations. Family is important!
My suggestion for you is to have your doctor tell you not to go on the trip. You shouldn't be going. Your health would be compromised, and no wedding is worth that. Maybe if you are lucky (or unlucky I suppose), your baby will be late and save you the trouble. Doctor's notes worked for school, they should work for your family! Good luck!
2007-03-12 11:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by Miss Vida 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, extremely UN gracious and selfish of the bride and groom! I understand the need for some couples to not have children "ruin" their day, while I don't agree with that, but you are his SISTER...surely accommodations could be made for you. Other guests with kids will likely understand the need for a new mom to have her child with her and not left to some baby sitter. In the end, the welfare of your child supersedes all else. I would politely decline to participate in the wedding and attend it. No need for long explanations, save the fact your child needs you, and you would be uncomfortable leaving your little one in anyone's hands other than yours. Yes it is going to cause family strife, but these people will understand once they have their own. On a side note..how ridiculous that they think a tiny baby will ruin their video?? More likely, they think a baby will outshine them...ridiculous too.
2007-03-12 11:30:07 · answer #8 · answered by MelB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your brother and it's obviously important to him that you come. His bride may be acting crazy, but don't all brides? Are there any teenage members of the family that could come and watch your new baby at a local hotel or something during the ceremony? Yes, it's a HUGE inconvenience, but this is your brother and if it's possible, you should make the effort to be there for him.
If you can work out the details with the baby, tell your brother that you are very excited to come to the wedding, but you would be more comfortable simply attending rather than being in the wedding party.
Good luck!
2007-03-12 11:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by acidantheras 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you don't want to be in the wedding, tell them no. First...you shouldn't be on your feet all day, 3 weeks after you give birth. Secondly, I wouldn't want to leave MY 3 week old baby with a sitter either. If they can't understand that, they're only being selfish. I know it's their big day, but YOU have big events going on in your life at the moment, too.
2007-03-12 11:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋