My 22-yr-old diabetic sister has had some problems in her past with drugs, mainly because of her bad choice in friends. She moved out of state w/a friend last yr for about 6 mos & no one knew where she was/how she was doing - she even ended up in the hospital for a week & no one found out till days later. 5 mos ago, she moved into my house with me - I have a 3 bdrm house & live alone, so it just made sense b/c my mom lives out of state & my dad just got remarried & the new wife doesn't want a houseguest. Anyway, since my sister's been back, she got a minimum wage job & is much healthier than she was in Oct., but she doesn't respect my house, doesn't clean up after herself & gets mad when I point out her messes, she eats everything, and there's no indication that she plans on moving out any time soon. I don't want her back 'on the street', but I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this. Should I let it slide & be happy she's healthy, or should I send her packing?
2007-03-12 10:50:18 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Getting healthy physically is only this first step. She needs to learn responsibility and maturity now. She needs to know that food costs money, and that things don't clean themselves. If you can set up some household rules, like having her pay rent/utilities/food, etc., set up chores, then that may be an option in which she can stay. But if she doesn't agree, or if you just want her out, just make it plain and give her an ultimatum. I know you're concerned about her safety and health, but babying her isn't going to help. Good luck!
2007-03-12 10:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by prplluva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your sister's lack of respect for your house is not something to be overlooked. Give her a week to start pulling her weight and if she doesn't then you really have no choice but to ask her to leave. Explain your reasons for asking her to go and be firm about it.
If she's serious about staying healthy then she'll do it, even when she's not living at your house, even though she's had some problems in the past, that doesn't mean you have to be her keeper. If she's going to be a responisble adult then she needs to do things like pay rent, clean up and help around the house. If she's not willing to do that then you need to explain that she can't stay wth you. If you feel really awful about it, arrange somewhere else for her to stay, help her find an apartment/house she can afford to live in and encourage her to live elsewhere. You don't have to cut off your contact with her, you can still support her recovery but she just can't live with you.
2007-03-12 11:01:13 · answer #2 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with her and tell her that you love her very much and that you are really proud of the way she has turned her life around. Then tell her that you want your house to look nice for when people come round and that you cant do that on your own. Tell her that you are going to draw up a cleaning rota between you for the majority of the work but if for example she makes something to eat she must put the stuff away and wipe up BEFORE she sits down to eat. Tell her that you don't want to fall out with her but if she cant straighten up this side of her life then she will need to find her own space where she can make all the mess she wants. DONT turn it into a slanging match whatever you do. If you think it will turn out that way try writing it down, and sit qui.etly while she reads it
2007-03-12 11:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by bren_elvis 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR house and if she can not respect YOUR rules then maybe she should move out. Have a sit down with her and tell her that you are really proud of her that she is doing better, but there are things she needs to work on and that if she can not abide by your rules, or isn't making any kind of effort to help around the house, then tell her that you will help her to get a place of her own and a better job and have her move out! I would never do this to my sister and she shouldn't do it to you!
2007-03-12 11:12:54 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you want to help her. I would make a list of house rules. I would make it in enough detail that she won't have any questions.
Discuss the rules with her. Tell her if she doesn't want to comply with the rules you will give her a move out date 30 days from the time she violates the rules. With some people you have to treat them like children because the things that are important to you are not important to her.
2007-03-12 10:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She seems to be stabalizing. If her staying is an option, it may not be a bad idea for a while. But, you could try to set some ground rules like cleaning ect, and I would definitely charge some kind of rent and make her buy her own groceries to encourage her to move out eventually. She is lucky to have such an amazing brother.
2007-03-12 10:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by DizziDazi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before you send her packing, talk to her. Let her know that you are annoyed by her disregard for cleanliness and by her lack of appreciation for your generosity. Remind her that it's YOUR house and if she wants to continue living there, she needs to clean up her act. If she refuses, then you may have to kick her out. She needs to learn responsibility.
2007-03-12 10:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by Prue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your house so you should be able to lay down the law. Is she paying rent and is she saving money? You just have to let her know if she doesn't start respecting your place then she's going to have to find somewhere else.
2007-03-12 10:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen, your best bet is to be honest with her. Tell her what is bothering you. Tell her what needs to change in order for this to work. She is your sister whether she lives with you or not. Remind her of that. Sisters can't stay mad at each other for that long
2007-03-12 10:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by Susanne M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't just send her packing. Have a sit-down with her and tell her what you just wrote and let her know that if it continues she will need to find another place to live.
2007-03-12 10:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋