this is a question asked once too many...?

Question

how do i build my self esteem and confidence?
i have been single for 3 years,im still young,im in my mid 20s,its just not happening for me,not for a lack of trying! im smart,kind,generous,friendly,outspoken and down to earth,but and this is the big "but",im not attractive at all! im trying to work around that by having a positive outlook on life in general,its not always easy,any ideas?

Answer 1

Someone SENT me this when I was at my lowest and it helped me


One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw
a kid from my class was walking home from school. His
name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his
books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a
nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football
game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I
shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward
him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his
arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses
went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten
feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible
sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and
as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw
a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said,
"Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where
he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him
why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid
before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some
of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I
asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my
friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the
more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my
friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said,
"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles
with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and
handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best
friends. When we were seniors, we began to think
about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be
friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He
was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business
on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the
time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for
graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and
speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He
was one of those guys that really found himself during high
school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days. I could see that he was
nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back
and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me
with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and
began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years. Your parents,
your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly
your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a
friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I
am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill
himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had
cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do
it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from
doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same
grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With
one small gesture you can change a person's life. For
better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another
in some way. Look for God in others.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Answer 2

You sound like you have good self esteem and confidence. So maybe your seeking someone of certain qualities and looks. I myself don't look at how a person looks, I had what women called handsome and he was a very cruel person. And I believe many women aren't stuck on a mans looks, as long as he is clean. If your being to picky on what you want in a lady then it may take some time to find her. If you can except a lady that has your qualities and moral values and even a not so perfect figure you may find your love sooner. Think about what you want but look at the inner beauty too.

Answer 3

People always ask me what I see in my boyfriend, because apparently they don't see the looks. I'm always being told that I'm out of his league or I'm too good for him, and that's not true at all. All of the shallow people say that, but I'm not shallow, so I don't listen to what they have to say. He had been single for quite a while before we started dating, maybe not 3 years, but a while. My boyfriend is not "hot" or anything (well, to me he is, but not to most other people.) He is just your average/less than average looking guy. But, the thing that makes him better than any other guy is his personality. I love being with him. He makes me feel beautiful and special. He is really smart, and not to mention he's hilarious. My boyfriend is always making me laugh. I think that without his personality, I might have overlooked him, but it was his caring and kindess that made me fall for him. I wouldn't change a thing about him if I could.
My advice to you is just to wait, I know it sounds hard when it seems like "everyone" has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Wait for the girl/guy that is going to see all of those great things about you and fall in love with who you are, not what you look like. Chances are if they're in love with your personality, they will end up thinking your physical flaws are cute and attractive. Trust me, there is someone out there for you that will appreciate all those good attributes.
Try going out more often and meeting new people. Instead of doing what you normally do this Saturday night, go somewhere completely different. Try joining a new gym, heading over to the library, checking out a different bar, ect.. whatever interests you.
I wish you luck and I hope you find that special person you're looking for!!! =)

Answer 4

How good you look doesnt always have a major effect on girls. Your age is where the most changes happen, where girls start looking for guys with a great personality more than looks. Of course, hygiene still helps, but you're off to a great start so far with your positive outlook and, "down to earth" attitude. I'm sure you'll have a great time dating pretty soon. Just because your single doesnt mean girls dont like you!

Answer 5

OK - you have listed four of the top ten things women look for in a propespective partner as being attributes you have so that is a wonderful start

But you are probalby right your lack of confidence is preventing girls/women from seeing your qualities. You know, there is the whole 'beauty is in the eye' stuff and 'god thinks you are gorgeous' stuff but I'm going to tell you a secret that i think no-one else has realised. Some of the people you think are gorgeous aren't gorgeous they just style it well. Look at someone like Brad Pitt, he's a pretty boy (not my style but a lot of women like him) - do you think they would still like him without his highlights, if he wore horrible glasses, if he dressed like a geek? No way.

So here is my suggestion. If you are overweight/underweight then get down that gym. Then go to the hairdressers (here is a tip - go up to a guy whose hair you like and ask who does it - go there) spend a bit of money on yourself and put yourself in their hands - get a really good haircut some colour whatever they suggest. If you wear specs consider contacts or most opticians have someone who will advise you on frames to suit your face. Likewise in the shops, they nearly all have shopping consultants who will help you pick out a really cool look. Yeah it'll cost a bit but you will feel like a million dollars and feeling that confident you'll get the babe of your dreams then you can dazzle her with your intelligence, generosity and kind nature. Go on, what are you waiting for?

Answer 6

Work out, get fit. That will help with attractiveness and self esteem. And stop being nice, they don't like that. Well, they do if they are looking for a shoulder to cry on or just a friend. But if you're all sweetness you aren't gettin' any unless you find that one in a million girl.

That girl is worth looking for. But it's a lonely road to take. I recommend making a few rest stops here and there.

Answer 7

Okay, by saying that you are not attractive at all is your big problem.....men don't necessarily all the time go for looks....They go for confidence. Fake it at first and keep it up....Guys love it when you have good posture and take care of yourself...Go get your hair and nails done...Get some new sexy clothes.
I am a chunky women and I have found out that a lot of men like me because I am chunky.....Once you pretend to have confidence, it will grow on you and you become confident after you see how the men react to it. Good luck and never, ever tell a man that you don't like yourself...that is a bad turn off.........

Answer 8

it seems to me that you are not lacking very much except the confidence, you recognise your good qualities and all of those qualities make you very attractive, beauty comes from within my friend and anyone who does not recognise yours is not worth your time anyway, a break up is always painfull and am guessing that you are still bruised from it, move on, you sound really nice and esteem comes with confidence so look at the positives in your life, friends, family and build on that, the rest will follow, good luck, you will be fine

Answer 9

Well, the question is...Do u want a girl who is only attracted to ur appearance or the person u are on the inside? If a girl cant get past the looks then she is too shallow and ur better off without her. Be yourself and be confident, its not all about looks!

Answer 10

Firstly drop the "I ain't a pretty boy" that'll knock the sh*t outta your confidence. If your not happy about your look then change it but don't change it for other people, if its a weight problem diet, hit the gym, but again do it for yourself, not for other people. Oh and as for looking for love - STOP!!! love will always hit you when you least expect it just get out there and try to enjoy being young and single

Answer 11

Charlie, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and in my opinion beauty comes from within. Hold on in there, you will find someone who loves you for being you and not what you look like on the outside, when you least expect it. If you just take a look at alot of the celebs out there, yes they may be beautiful or handsome, but they are awlful people inside and i personally wouldn't like to spend a day with any of them, let alone a lifetime. Its what is on the inside that counts.