She's an alcholic, very much in denial, very critical of everyone else's life, incl. mine. She's very negative, not fun to be around at all & I have avoided her for months due to these reasons. She claims to be making amends with people now so am assuming it's my turn. how do I handle this with an open mind but also be guarded for the same old behavior as she hasn't gotten any professional help for drinking so don't know that there will truly be any change.
2007-03-12 09:54:33 · 5 answers · asked by COblonde 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Assume the best, expect the worst - make sure you drive yourself and leave if you find you cannot handle it.
2007-03-12 10:02:31 · answer #1 · answered by lyllyan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably having anxiety because you can't reconcile the conflict that you have about the boundaries you want to place on your sister because of her drinking, & trying to be a polite & gracious guest at her dinner table.
I know if it were me in your position, I would not want to go because I couldn't trust MYSELF to react correctly to an alcoholic family member being drink AGAIN.
Maybe you haven't told your sister that you don't want to be near her when she is drunk in so many words. Maybe you felt that she would get the message when she noticed that you weren't around so much any more.
Perhaps the best thing to do would be to tell her straight out before you go there for dinner that you don't want to be there if she is going to drink.
That will set the stage properly for you if it turns out that she does start drinking while you are there, then you can simply head for the door & leave early.
You say that she hasn't received any treatment for her addiction. My wife went into a 21 day treatment programme for her drinking (she's doing great BTW) & she hasn't told a soul on her side of the family. I think it's possible that your sister could have done the same without your knowledge.
Her going around "making amends" could be part of a 12 step programme that she's following. It may be worthwhile going there to see if she's making genuine changes.
If not, then just keep your coat close by her door. ;-)
2007-03-12 17:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will have to go to the dinner, and listen to what your sister has to say. You don't have to forgive her for anything, but if she apologizes for things just tell her you appreciate it. Avoid topics that upset her, try to have a good evening. Do not be judgemental at all, and try to picture yourself in her shoes. she probably isn't happy and needs her sister to be strong and needs her sister to talk to and laugh with.
2007-03-12 17:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go into the dinner with an open mind. If she starts her old crap up again then call her on it and stand up for yourself.
2007-03-12 19:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you gotta do is listen to her, hear what she has to say... hopefully she will surprise you.. if not... dont say anything negative even if she does.... because it will only feed the fire... good luck....
2007-03-12 17:01:37 · answer #5 · answered by gina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋