christian brothers and sisters...what is love???

Question

i don't expect to get exact answers, however, I'm really needing some help...my best friend (a guy)....well I really like him, i've liked him for five years...i often get scared that i'm desperate or infatuated with him, but i'm told often that he's really simple looking, and my love for him is partly a strong admiration and respect for him, partly a physical attraction, partly a spiritual attraction....the list goes on, I trust him wholey....he's never hurt me, he understands and listens. But he's told me that he's incapable of loving, because he has social anxiety. when i pray at night, i often hear God whisper across my heart that he's here to stay for the long run - and that right now, i'm the one he cares most about...maybe not love yet, but he cares about me....I just don't know....is this real love?? or am I just desperate??

please, serious answers only....

the thing is, it's not that i want to automatically switch our friendship into an actual dating scenario, i want to figure out my emotions - and the reason i'm coming on here and asking is because it seems to me that the internet lacks in resources for teens to figure out emotions...i have people to talk to, and i've talked to them, but I need some sort of reassurance or information from an external non-biased source....some of these answers are really good, they're helping me a lot...thanks to the people who are giving serious and good answers :D

Answer 1

Well, you say you don't know what love is and he says he isn't capable of loving. What does he think love is and what in the world is 'social anxiety' for a Christian?

On top of some really big questions you seem to have a lot going on in your head and heart that maybe he doesn't. That puts you in a very weak situation.

So a little about love. Pay close attention.

What is it that you admire and respect about him? You see respect for any normal man, especially from a woman he cares for, should touch him like flowers and words of caring would touch your heart. Actually it should set him off like a four-alarm fire -- but guys are dumb these days.

What you are spelling out on your part is a rare balance and about the perfect 'symptoms' of human love in my book.

So from my point of view you are in love, just don't let it turn to desperation. So think about it, continue to pray and don't compromise your feelings because you are not your own -- as you should know.

I would like to say more but I would need to know your friend. I must assume he has something going for him to attract a heart like yours. Nevertheless, you hang back a little.

The world knows a little, and the world will tell you this: You let him chase you until you catch him. If he ever starts he most likely won't stop.

Read the story of Ruth. Pay attention to what her mother-in-law says about what Boaz will do after Ruth goes to the threshing floor. What Naomi says pretty much applies to all men. If the spark of your respect and a quiet show of committment doesn't start his fire pretty soon, then I would move on.

Answer 2

You can have friends and that may be all he is to you.

If he has "social anxiety" that is a mental condition!!

In all respect; What a way to waste your life trying to make a mental handicapped person love you. That would be like child abuse!

So keep the friendship if you find the need but run away from him so you don't force him into something he can't handle. I think it will hurt you in the long run and may cause you great pain.

There are millions of other people looking for good partners for life. Start dating and find those that treat you like Venus in the sky. That person(s) is out there you just have to find him. He's looking too! hw

Answer 3

True love is putting another persons needs before your own.... not their wants but their needs. Love is not that fuzzy good feeling one gets when they are with the other person. In a union of two people you will find that you do not necessarily like the other person every minute of every day; but, when there is binding love you work things out by looking at yourself first and not being demanding of the other person. The greatest love is giving ones life for another person...could you do this for your friend if you were put in that position?

Answer 4

I can see you that are full to the brim with "friendship love" for him. That kind of love in invaluable, if you are willing to hold on to it regardless of any future relationship.

Is it romantic love? That is the trickier question. From what you've said, it sounds to me like the seeds of romantic love are there on your end of things. But that kind of love, no matter how steadfast or pure, does not a relationship make.

If you are looking for advice, I would say to focus on the friendship aspect of what you two have. Don't deny your other feelings - there is nothing wrong with them, hey, he's your best friend for a reason - but don't limit yourself on the hope that maybe one day he will return the romantic love. It isn't fair to either of you and it could indeed hurt what sounds like a very good friendship.

Answer 5

Just love him. There's no reason to over analyze the feelings you have for him, just let yourself feel the love you have for him, it doesn't really matter why, does it? There are many different forms of love, different levels of love, different reasons for love. Try to let your relationship play itself out, nothing wrong with loving someone at a different level than they love you. It has nothing to do with desperation, he's good to you, cares for you, be thankful that you have such a wonderful, loving friend. Who knows what the future holds. Smile, be happy, your lucky to have each other in your lives. Try to encourage him to see a therapist about his social anxiety, it's more common than you may know. Psychologists are very versed in this form of anxiety and there's lots of help available these days.

Answer 6

this guy sounds cool. and im not an expert at this, but, it sounds like you already know each other, and your good friends. your liking him extends beyond physical stuff- you respect him and his spirituality. that sounds like love to me. he says he is "incapable of loving". apparently not, seeing that Christ died for him, and would have if he were the only person in the world. you two care about each other. he knows that.

there are three amazing women in our church. they are sisters, and they are all into ministry. the oldest one (who i love and is so much fun to be around) was well past colllege and she had NEVER had a boyfreind. never. but she was faithful to God and kept praying, she was never really concerned about it. but then a few years ago we got a new youth pastor, a funny, cool, and strong Christian man. him and that oldest sister are now MARRIED. for..... a year? two years? whatever. the point is to pray and keep the faith. then dont worry. God will provide a Prince for His Princess.

Answer 7

I like the 1 corinthians 13:4 explanation. That's basically what God's love, from the Greek Agape, is. I guess it's good criteria for other love.

and I'm not sure God said that. Sorry for the skepticism, but people often confuse God with what they WANT to hear secretly. So may think this is what God said, but it may be what you think/wanted Him to say. God's voice is not always easily heard.

Answer 8

I don't think it's wise to try to get answers for this kind of a question online. Don't you have someone you can confide in, whose opinion you can trust and who has your best interest in mind?
You just can't supply enough information and context to what you are asking to hope to get a reliable answer. Take a look at some of the questions and answers on this site. There are no end of people here would would love to screw up your life with bad advice and go merrily on their way.

Answer 9

You sound like a very sweet person.
Why not just, be a friend to him for the time being?
Keep living your life, persue your goals..grow in Christ.
If it's the "real thing" and if God is in it..he will come into agreement with you.

This world can be so lonely, and a friend who loves you is very precious indeed! He is lucky.

Answer 10

It sounds like this can develop into love. Listen to your heart. It doesn't sound like you're desperate at all. Keep in mind that just because he hasn't hurt you doesn't mean he won't. But it sounds like any potential hurting he may do won't be intentional. He sounds like a great guy, I say go for it, but proceed with caution--you may risk losing the friendship.