My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we are expecting our first child. When I say we don't plan on getting married, people always reply "oh your poor baby" and things like that. Why, I don't get it? Is my child any less loved for her parents not being married? Is she going to suffer some how? Do not say she will feel different because many kids come from unwed families. We plan on being together forever and if we are does it matter that we are not married. I believe a home is built on love and we have that. We act "married" we just don't have the piece of paper. Please don't say we are living in sin either, because I will bet 90% of the poeple who say that had sex before marriage.
BTW we are not married because I would rather elope and he doesn't like that idea, but I won't spend a ton of money on a wedding. Also, neither of us like the idea that if we are married we have to pay more in taxes. I guess we are kind of figh
2007-03-12 09:46:04 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Getting married is a part of the "American Dream", by electing not to marry you put pressure on those that are married to defend marriage and the "Dream". If you don't follow the dream of all good girls to get married what other sacrilege are you willing to commit. Defying the "Dream" is unpatriotic but so are peace rallies. Do what works, if it stops working consider your options and do what you thinks will work best, FOR YOU. Good Luck
2007-03-12 09:58:22 · answer #1 · answered by TisforTantra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I can understand your feelings. I am a single mom and I can really remember how many people just blatantly would make comments to me when I was pregnant about not being married. It was as though my future child and I were somehow dysfunctional without a father/husband.
Well, my son is now 22 months old, extremely bright, and so incredibly happy. People constantly comment now on what an amazing boy he is, and how happy and smiley he always is.
I grew up in a 2 parent home that was the definition of dysfunction. I swore that if I ever had my own child, he would have so much better than what I had. I left his father for very good and healthy reasons early in my pregnancy, and have never regretted it. My child has also not suffered because of it.
I wish that people could just keep thier critical comments to themselves. Oh, and to those who think about your living situtation being a sin, well, they need to meet my actual ex-husband who was a Pastor. He was abusive, a liar, and not the person he claimed to be on the pulpit. Sometimes things are not always what they seem to be. It does not make me love God any less, nor will it for my son. I will also never judge people either. God was all about love and acceptance and I just wish some of the bible thumpers out there would actually read thier bibles and stop judging others.
Good luck to you. i wish all of you so much happiness.
2007-03-12 16:56:08 · answer #2 · answered by Singthing 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You know, I think you are right. Most marriages dont last these days anyways. Plus, if you have been together for 7 years then its postitive you will stay together. Your child wont suffer in any way. Like you mentioned also, your baby will be loved no matter what, whats marriage have to do with it? marriage is a peice of paper that your child most likely wouldnt see anyways. Your child wont know the difference. I think its a good idea that you dont want to get married, why pay out money that really doesnt have to? People that say negative things to you about this, I would tell them what you think and say exackley what you said in your question! Good luck!
2007-03-12 16:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by FutureMrsBeck 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm in pretty much the same position, but we've ony been together about 4 years.
Everyone thinks we need to "give the baby a name"...which is ridiculous, because the baby can have whatever last name I put on its birth certificate, mine or his, and how is that any of their business?
My boyfriend's little brother (who is 16) won't tell his girlfriend's super-strict mom because he thinks she will make them break up in case he "makes the same mistakes as his brother", so lil bro keeps encouraging us to get married to save HIS relationship.
Then there's the whole living in sin thing...no one criticised us when we moved in together, so what's the difference now? We still feel the same about each other, if not love each other more. It's just this hypocritical thing where (overly religious) people act as if the baby itself is a problem, when they're really just looking down on you for having sex in the first place.
Then there are the people who insist that my child will be a bastard which will devastate and shame him or her for life, and in order to prevent that we should get married just for the child's birth and then divorce afterwards if we want(there's one guy on yahoo who's really big on one-minute marriages, don't be surprised if he answers), just so he'she won't be born to unwed parents. Like my kid won't be able to do math and see that mommy and daddy got married 5 months before he/she was born and not 9 months.
Personally, I try not to let it get to me because I'm happy. Also, one of my best friends growing up had parents who weren't actually married, had just lived together for 10 years before her birth and tried very hard to have her (she was one of the first test tube babies), and she was happy and well-adjusted...and more accpeting of different people and ideas due to her upbringing. I say if you're happy, the child will be happy, and there's nothing better you could do for your child.
2007-03-12 16:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by grayhare 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not a big deal.
Those people are idiots.
Ignore them.
If you are happy the way you have it, then why fix something that ain't broke.
Like you said, weddings are just costly and divorce costs even more, lol.
It's just a bit of paper.
I personally think you don't need to be married to have a family these days.
At least you'll save some money by not getting married and can put it towards a college fund for the kids.
Good Luck.
And tell those shallow people to sod off.
2007-03-12 17:01:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I get this all the time also... i have been with my fiance for 5 years and have two boys together, a 21 month old and a 9 month old... everyone says we live in sin and when they found out we wanted to have another baby everyone was really upset... but we are getting married this sept... its going to be a medium sized wedding... like 100 guests.. but still expensive...
But not everyone who has had a child out of wedlock has stayed with the other person... I guess people just get worried... which is stupid since marriage can be over just as quick...
Best of luck to you! and CONGRATS!
2007-03-12 16:52:36 · answer #6 · answered by michaellandonsmommy 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well I believe to each there own :) I know many happy couples who have been together for years who are not married. I dont believe it really effects the children a lot. Paper is paper your love for one anouther is what is going to keep you guys together. Being married is kind of like a security blanket for a lot of people. A WAY OF FEELING A PLACE OF BELONGING! My fiance and I will be getting married but only because i wanted it and he is just in it to make me happy, he knows hes not going anywhere but it just makes me feel better knowing we are binded by law so ill make sure he aint going anywhere(lol)! Just remeber to follow your heart and stop thinking about what everybody else around you is saying! You will be fine its your life live it how you want to!
2007-03-12 16:58:59 · answer #7 · answered by Beautiful Disaster 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage doesn't determine the amount of love you give a child! Infact, because you both don't want to get married, don't. You get married because you both feel pressured to do so, then after the fact regret it and divorce. This strain on your relationship with effect your child. Marriage is a piece of paper, that is it. If things are fine the way they are, then so be it. Don't listen to other people. They need to tend to their own lives!
2007-03-12 16:52:03 · answer #8 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey this is how I view it a piece of paper will not make you love him anymore then you do or make your child be loved anymore then it will be. I see no reason why you should get married if you dont want to. Who cares what other people think. There isnt a kid in the world that has more love because his parents are married tell them get over theirselves its your life.
2007-03-12 16:55:53 · answer #9 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not a marriage kind of girl either, its a piece of paper to me, and every married couple I have ever met has ended in divorce. People who say that are ignorant know it alls who feel the only right way is their way or should I say gods way. I hear it all the time, my aunt once asked me when I was going to make my family a REAL family, the emphasis was hers. She asked this in front of my children. I told her politely that my family was just as real as hers was and that her judgment and ridicule was unwarranted and just plain childish. That if she ever had anything to say about MY family ever again she was welcome to do so in an email or a letter but that I would not be discussing it with her face to face again. I turned walked away and let her be the judgmental idiotic fool she wanted to be.
2007-03-12 16:53:16 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋