Should I ask her to marry me even though I hurt her?

Question

So, I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but I said something stupid a few weeks ago. She has been married before and she was pushed into that marriage by her family. She had a really hard time getting past that being as she was married for 4 years and he constantly beat her. Well, a few weeks ago, we were talking about weddings. Well, we had a little disagreement about how many groomsmen and bridesmaids we would have (her wanting a smaller wedding, me wanting a larger one), and I made the comment like, "Well, you know how you felt pressured into your first marriage...well I feel pressured now!" Stupid, because I don't feel like that at all, and I don't know why I said it. I just was mad, and sometimes I say things I don't mean when I'm mad. I have told her all of this and she says she forgives me. But, I saw it in her eyes how much it hurt her, and she hasn't mentioned a wedding since. I want to marry her, but now I'm afraid she won't say yes. Should I still ask her?

Answer 1

Well, that was perhaps the worst thing you could have possibly said to make a point, but if she really loves you, she'll forgive you. But since you said it, you should probably wait awhile to be sure, since she already said she forgave you. But REALLY make it clear how much you love her in the intervening time. Wait perhaps a month, maybe a little less, then bring the subject up again (or propose, spontaneity's always nice. ^_^ ). Perhaps work out a compromise, for example: few groomsmen and bridesmaids, but a larger invitation list. I really hope things work out for the best, man. Good luck.

Answer 2

As she is still talking to you I think she understands.give it a little while and surprise her big time.If you want to be with this woman and you love her you both are going to have to put up with each others stupidity on occasion even if you are rocket scientists. I'm sure she will say yes and give yourselves a long time to plan so it is perfect for you both. By the way the fights will get dumber before the wedding. My husband and I had a fight once because I had a dream that he said something about my sister. Never mind what the shade of blue we picked was and hes colour blind.

Answer 3

If she hasn't left you for the remark, then chances are she'll say yes to marrying you. I understand your wanting a large wedding since you've never been married before, but also understand her desire to not go through what she has already went through with her previous marriage. Seriously, it doesn't seem like she's emotionally ready to be married again. I don't know how long ago she's been divorced, but she may need to go to counseling to help let go of some of that. She shouldn't enter into your marriage with that emotional baggage and seriously, you don't seem mature enough to help her through it. You should both also go to couples counseling before even thinking about marriage. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yeah, that was stupid -- OK, but you already know that. If you know a little about her past -- why don't you use it for your future. Let her have the wedding she wants and deserves -- I am not saying stay completely out of the planning or to be a yes man. But what I am saying let her have more control over her big day. Its all about the LOVE in the end -- and you will score points to redeem for later.

Answer 5

Let her cool down a bit.Yes, it did hurt her but the fact that she's discussing wedding details with you means she's in this for the long run. Next time think before you speak. Put a stop to the word-vomit. Guys looove to do that. Seriously though, treat her super-special in the coming days, remind her all over again why you're the guy for her and why she's the girl for you! She'll come around.

Answer 6

Trust me...if you guys can't get past this little bitty problem, you'll never make it in marriage. There will be plently of times when you will both say/do things that hurt the other. Marriage is about making a life time commitment and working through the hard times together.

PS - Woman never ever forget. She will never ever forget what you said..words are powerful. Just learn from this and control your words from now on.

Answer 7

Absolutely! To err is human - you said a stupid thing in the heat of the moment. However, because she has been hurt in the past you really need to reassure her that you said it because......why did you? Was it frustration? Did you feel she was trying to control the situation? Do you need to feel in control? If she loves you and you love her as much as you say, then I think you can get past this - ask her to marry you but make the proposal something very special - something that will touch her and stay with her forever.

Answer 8

When it comes to woman, listen good, Always maintain your cool dude! , never let them see you sweat! Sounds like she's hurt. Suggestion? Be romantic as hell, buy her flowers, send them to her job, house, etc. Call her and tell her your sorry that your such an ham and egg er, because you are. She wanted a small wedding, and you disagreed? Are you nuts? With the prices today? Realize that your going to have to really kiss her you know what before this is all done!!!!!

Answer 9

Make it special. Take her on a trip, a day trip to a garden or park even. Feed the ducks or birds, bend down and say hey whats this "pick up ring".. turn to her and say wow..look at this "will you marry me"...or something romantic and unexpected like that. Don't do it when she's expecting it...like at a nice resturant or home with candle light dinner...do it unexpectidly....WE LOVE THAT STUFF~!!!!!!

Answer 10

ask her. if she loves u she ll say yes. just tell her that ur sorry about what u said and u didnt mean it. that it was astupid thing to say and that u really love her and u want to marry her and spend the rest of ur life with her. seriously even tho u hurt her and what u said really wasnt nice but it seems like u really are sorry so if she forgave u then maybe u should forgive urself 2. just ask her im sure she'll say yes.