3 year old discipline?

Question

Help, I thought being a parent would be easy especially since our daughter never really had any "terrible twos". Now that she is three years old, it seems she has been replaced by a demon child......... She yells at her mother, refuses to listen, throws temper tantrums, and is just plain spoiled. (She has 8 living grand parents)
We have just transitioned her from her baby room to her "big girl" room. She has a new big girl bed to go with this room. My wife is 6 months pregnant. I expected a change when the new born arrives, but the three year old is out of control. I am afraid that we are becoming canidates for Nanny 911........ We stopped using time outs a couple of months ago because they have become ineffective. We have begun counting to 3, and in the rarest cases a spanking. I hate to say it, but an occasional spanking is the only thing keping her in line. What other discipline techiniques are there? Any advice on raising a well mannered child would be greatly appreciated.

Only answers from experiened parents please...

Answer 1

If you aren't using the time outs like on the Nanny show then you are doing it wrong and that's why it isn't working! You can't just tell her to do something and expect her to do it. When you tell her to do something and she doesn't you have to get up and make her do it! Every single time, not just once in awhile. She needs to learn that she HAS to do what you tell her!! If she yells at you or your wife you have to give her a time out, EVERY SINGLE TIME, NOT JUST ONCE IN AWHILE!! Parenting is NEVER EASY! It's hard work to raise a considerate loving human being!! Anyone who is watching this child needs to use the same discipline methods in order to not confuse her. All 8 grandparents and you and your wife need to be on the same page with her! Watch the Nanny shows every week and you should be able to see just what you need to do to get her under control. It may be harder at first, but WELL WORTH THE EFFORT and then you won't have the same problems with the next one! Some parents never get control, so I applaud you for putting out the effort! We sure don't need any more out of control children around!!!

Answer 2

Time outs are really the best if done correctly. You need to be firm and consistant. Pick a place for the time out that is empty of anything at all. When you put her in a time out you must get down to her level and tell her why she is there. A 3 year old needs to sit quietyly for 3 minutes. If she gets up or screams the time begins again. If and when she quiets down you get to her level again and ask her why she was there. If she can't tell you explain to her again. I am a grandmother and you must talk to the grandparents and get everyone on the same page. They are not helping her by spoiling her. I like to take the kids places and buy them things and have them for sleep overs but I know what each set of parents expects and how they dicipline their children and I try to follow their lead. If all else doesn't work, you need to get professional help. If you think she is hard to handle now, wait till the new baby comes and she is jealous. Or when she becomes a teen - you won't be able to handle her at all.

Answer 3

I'm not a parent but I am a very very experienced nanny and I have worked with lots of "terrible" two and threes! First, don't ever ask your daughter to do anything...asking insinuates that there is an option. And there isn't. Instead offer choices; "Do you want to go to bed with (one particular stuffed toy or blanket) or with (a different toy...). This helps the child to feel in control of the situation. Also...be consistent and don't back down. If your daughter keeps acting up remind her that the way she's acting isn't an option...and then give her different options of how to behave. Routines are also very very important. Young children don't have a concept of time so a routine gives them something to grasp!
You would be suprised at how much a 3yr old can actually understand!! Hope this helped...I know how crazy and frustrating a toddler can make you feel! Good luck

Answer 4

3 year olds don't do change well, even necessary ones - such as changing beds and new babies. If the grandparents are geographically close, then get the babysitter for your daughter and go out for a dinner with all of them, and lay out the rules. Reward the grandparents with more time when they follow the rules and limit (or eliminate) their time when they don't. I suggest $ limits per visit, including toys, events, food and clothes. Try to stay with her for the first couple of visits and enforce behavior just as at home.

My daughter was the 1st grandchild for my and my husband's parents, and the 1st great-grandchild for my MIL's parents. Luckily they all lived 4-10 hours away, and we controlled the spoiling by time limitations.

Time-out really works. Use a specific place, or a specific chair. 3 minutes for each offense, because she's 3 years old. Don't interact with her at all during time-out, except to put her back. Don't even make eye contact and no speaking. Just pick her up and plop her back down. It won't be fun for the first few days, BUT IT WILL WORK!

Good luck and remember (I have 2 teenagers now) it only gets more difficult. I know you won't believe me, just as I didn't believe parents of older children when mine were small. Mommies and Daddies really need alone time (from each other too) so plan your week to include solitude. It's a sanity saver!!

Answer 5

Thank goodness you are aware of the problems! You aren't justifying them like most of the parents I meet. (I teach preschool and have a 4 year old of my own).

Since you are familiar with Super Nanny sit down and watch as many episodes as you can. Take notes! Then make a plan and put it into action.

I would enroll her in a preschool program if she isn't already. See how her behavior is at school. If she is well behaved at school and not at home then you realize it is strictly a parenting problem and you need to get in line. If she is bad both places then you have a little more work cut out for you.

Even though she can't read make a big chart with clear simple house rules. Read them a few times a day. She will quickly learn that number 1 is no hitting. Now have a discipline plan. She gets one warning to stop hitting. After that she goes straight to time out. She will sit in time out for 3 minutes till she can sit there quietly and do her time. Once she is up she must tell you why she was in time out and apologize for being disobedient.

Consistency is the key! It is hard work but you can't give in. If you give in you will be raising a brat and no one wants that child. Take control before it is too late.

And if you believe in spanking then wait till after the tempers have calmed down. Wait till after dinner and then sit down as a family and talk about the bad choice. At the end tell her that you feel she deserves a spanking for being disrespectful and then spank her. It will hurt her feelings worse than her bottom.

Never spank when you are angry. I believe that spanking can be a great tool if done effectively.

Good Luck. SD

Answer 6

First off, three is a good age for time outs..why did they become ineffective? maybe you weren't being as stringent with it as you should be. The thing about children at this age is they are ALWAYS testing the boundary, if you flex it (even a little) it could spell disaster for your regimen. So BE FIRM and make her sit in time out, and make it so she stays there an appropriate amount of time (about five - fifteen minutes). If she refuses to stay there then swat her on her Butt one time and put her back there and tell her that her time in timeout just started over. Let her know that when she does what she's supposed to (sit in time out for X minutes) then and only then can she do something else. Also let her know what she did wrong and what she should have done instead. Let her know when she is acting appropriately (this is hard because you will miss the opportunities when they arrive). Just stick to your guns and you will come out OK. Good luck

Answer 7

Try to reward and encourage her positive behavior. Catch her when ever she is doing good and praise her alot. Ignore the bad behavior if possible...(Which is not always the best thing to do except for whining and things like that.) Redirect her to another activity. Give her choices and keep her busy. Maybe she is bored. If you give her alot of activities to do, even helping you clean, and like two choices of what she can do and let her pick one then that may help also. Also try natural consiquences...if she throws toys take what she is not being nice to away...if she is mean to the cat don't let her play with the cat. This works well also. Try a sticker chart that rewards good behaviors. Get some stickers with her favorite character on them and each time you catch her being good give her a sticker. Positive reinforcements work well with most children. I also noticed that the age of three was worse than two.

Answer 8

Normal, normal, normal. She is totally testing yours and your wife's limits - as almost all young children will. Man, this is probably the hardest phase of parenting - it was for me. The occasional spanking is necessary for some families - and I know there are millions of people that disagree with that. If you know it is the only last resort that is effective, don't feel guilty. Don't apologize for it. Anyways, I would suggest trying the reinforcement tactics - positive reinforcement being she is granted small rewards for good behavior, negative reinforcement means something is lost when she behaves badly. Yelling at mommy should be absolutely forbidden, and I believe negative reinforcement is in order for that. Like, "you yelled at mommy, so you cannot watch TV for the rest of the day." Something along those lines. Sometimes you may have to take a favorite toy away until she earns it back. Best of luck to you dude - it is a phase. But now is the time to teach her who's boss!

Answer 9

Well, some tips I can give are:

Take away her toys when she misbehaves and tell her she can have them back when she _______(stops crying, says sorry...)
Ignore her (I know it sounds bad but sometimes they want attention and think that by crying or misbehaving it will get your attention. She needs to learn the correct way of getting your attention- by saying mommy or daddy)
Keep on with the time-outs. Place a small stool, chair, or even a mat away from everything or in the corner so that she is isolated from everything. Tell her why she is there and walk away. If she gets up, put her back. Tell her she can get up once she says sorry for doing whatever she did wrong.


Maybe the transition from baby room to big girl room is a little tough on her. She might not be ready for the big bed, or is scared about something. Talk to her and ask her if she likes her new room.

I hope this helps you a little

Answer 10

Hi there, I'm a mommy. Parenting is the HARDEST job you will ever have, the hours are long and very rarely do you get a raise or promotion!

I have peace in my house at bedtime and at meals. We receive compliments when we are in public because our kids aren't a nightmare. They behave when they eat with us in restaurants and sit in their seats at the movies! The school aged kids are the best behaved intheir class, their teachers told us so!

There is a little book 1,2,3 Magic by Dr. Phelan that is THE only reason our house works like a well oiled machine. I read the book, implemented the rewards and discipline system, and have kept order for years!

My pediatricians family uses it, my brothers and their wives use the same methods. It doesn't involve hitting, yelling or screaming.

When your daughter misbehaves tell her "Don't do that. That's one." If she does it again "That's two", if she persists "That's three, time out" and she sits on the time out chair for 3 minutes. Ignore her, do not speak, do not touch her unless she gets up. Everytime she gets up start the 3 minute timer OVER again. Be consistant. It does work but you have got to be consistant with her. Time out is a way to get her to stop bad behavior and encourage good behavior.

Kids that act nasty don't get rewards like dessert, new toys, new clothes, new DVD's or get to have playdates. Nasty kids get to do very little until the nastiness fades, and in my house that had better be fast.

You have got to get the book, it's a quick read. You need to have her under control before the baby arrives, otherwise it's going to get a lot worse.

My kids don't get away with rotten behavior even if they're tired, sick or hungry. There's NO excuse for behaving like a terror ever and I don't tolerate it. You don't need Nanny 911, you can learn on your own how to deal with her. Buy 1,2, 3 Magic and start enjoying your daughter! Stop letting her dictate how she gets disciplined. Time out works when done properly.