Daughter hurt by her own father!?

Question

My daughters father is very screwed up.

I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE KNOWS WHAT TYPE OF DAMAGE COULD HE HAVE DONE to her emotionaly?

My daughter was touched by her dad one time. It was very bad for her. She woke up and found him rubbing her private areas. It has not ever happened again, and we are not with him. He has supervised visitation thru his sister. Her theripist says him being around her causes her more damage emotionaly. She gets mad at the idea of not being with him. Her theripist says she may have what is called trauma bond. She is now 13, and has seen him hit me and knows that she is not the only one he did this too. I want visitations stopped. The courts don't agree. I hope this gets resolved soon because I have a young daughter and son he is around also.
Please any advise that can help!!!!!!

Answer 1

I am so sorry this violation happened to you and your daughter. The damage could go a few different ways.

1. Your daughter's sexuality has been aroused and she will be curious about her sexuality at a young age.

2. Your daughter will stay away from relationships and fear men. She may never feel like she can trust a man, ever.

3. With the right counseling and support she might find peace that this wasn't her fault and that sexuality is a wonderful expression of love through a loving and healthy relationship.

Getting to number 3 will be difficult. She will have a mix of these feelings. At age 13 she will be spending the next two years separating from childhood and figuring out what it is that she believes in and who she is. Accept this as part of her growth. Guide her. Don't let your fears get in the way.

Continue to see the therapist as needed. Seek therapy for yourself and be careful not to let your daughter think anything is wrong with her. She didn't cause this to happen. She is still beautiful and is a treasure. She has a wonderful life ahead of her.

Seek help from a domestic violence center. Find out if adult and family services can help you. You may have to continue with visitation if the abuse isn't recorded somewhere. If you can, have the courts renegotiate the visitation agreement. If he is abusive and continues to be a threat then use the legal system as much as you can.

Your children will always crave their father's attention so this will be nearly impossible to prevent them from wanting to see him. The more you prevent them from seeing him then most likely the'll draw closer to him. Keep honest and open communication with the children. Ask questions, don't lead them to responses. Show them and give them a safe place to live. They will eventually grow wiser as they grow up and will eventually understand the abuse he has given. So, it is important to not totally close the door with the relationship with the father because he will be very important to their healing.

Be the best mom you can be. Be as transparent as you can be. Love them all that you can. Be as real and honest and as open as their young minds can understand, yet don't give them too much information which would force them to question your motives. This will be difficult to do but consistency on your part will eventually work. Trust in God as you can understand him and take care of yourself.

Answer 2

do u guys read what people write b4 u answer. she said the court has given him supervised visitation. not her choice. i know just how well the system does not work. they keep letting the victims get hurt over and over. now i know why a parent may take off with their child to protect them. what sort of society do we live in where a father can do that to his daughter and still have a relationship with her. how do u know for sure it stopped? your daughter may feel guilty for telling that this happened (if she did) and dad could be telling her she destroyed the family for telling and if she tells again she will never see him. i know people can change but it sounds like you are scared out of your witts for this child and your other children. sometimes mothers feelings about such things are there for a reason

Answer 3

I can't imagine how awful that is for you, and even more for her. It is common to feel a bond with your abuser, and her being a young adult gives her more rights to make her own decisions in life. Is he seeking help? How supervised are his visits -really? If it is his sister supervising, how can you be sure she is actually doing that. Her loyalty is to him before anyone else - even the kids. I would follow them, or get someone else to - and determine if the supervision is being conducted appropriately. If not - then you have grounds for having the judge reconsider.
Good luck to you, and I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Answer 4

If the situation is the way you describe it, he sounds like a real creep. I don't understand how the courts are allowing visitation under these circumstances.

Your daughter is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to see him or not. She is obviously getting something out of the visits with her dad. If you try to stop the visits, you may have bigger problem because she will feel you are the bad one, trying to break up the family.

Answer 5

I am in the same situation as you are only this happened when my daughter was 4 and I came home from work and my daughter had told me " mommy, daddy put his finger in here" and pointed to her private parts...I almost died..he started screaming in front of her and I made him leave, I took her to the er and she confirmed it with the dr. the dr then called the police and she also confirmed with the police and so the police said get dcfs in here well they did nothing. Not enough evidence and by the time my daughter had her appt with dcfs at the office, she got scared to admit anything to them, she came out of that room screaming " mommy please don't leave me" I hated him since then, he got off scott free in the courts eyes....BUT THEN THERE IS A GOD!!! And he sees all things and hears all things so he will get his payoff don't worry any other mothers out there, get them therapy right away and if she remember like my dauhter does he can still be prosecuted....GET HER OR HIM THERAPY NOW!!!.

Answer 6

I am confused as to how the courts could allow visitation to continue considering the abuse issue. At least supervised visits should be in place. "Something is not right in your state of Denmark". It sounds as though you have not been directed to the right resources or support networks. The therapist should be able to offer some suggestions.

Answer 7

This sounds like PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder.)
I completely understand why you do not want the father visiting. Have you had a therapist speak under oath that it is not in the child's best interest to see her father?

I do not understand why this creep isn't in jail?

Answer 8

That could seriously damage a little girl mentally and i'm surprised you are even letting that jerk see her, she's gonna be damaged for the rest of her life, keep focused and do everything you can contact local authorites, anything

Answer 9

r u still married to him? this guy should have no visitation rights. does not matter what ur daughter wants. get the ppsychologist to testify against him that his seeing her is detrimental to ur daughter and if i were u i would not want the rest of my kids around him either.

Answer 10

You need to call DHS Or DSS child services and turn his perverted a** in to them if anyone can get things done it would be them.he needs to be put on the sexual pedifile list.