What to do about this upset? (Don't be judgemental)?

Question

I got really sick last week first the FLU. I was so sick I could barely get out of bed. I stated getting sick on Monday... and took myself to the ER. By Wednesday I could barely speak, let alone get out of the bed and take myself. So, my bf (2yrs) took me to the ER for my second visit and stayed with me through the night. He had no idea that I was even sick until that night. I haven't seen him since then. Friday he told me that he had to go home to see family, I was very understanding as usual. But I asked him just to call me before he left so I would know that he was on the road and that he was safe, but I didn't get a call until the following afternoon saying that he made it. (a 5hr drive). By Friday, I had made my third visit to the doctor ( found out I had Bronchtis too). I let the voicemail pick up on Saturday when he called, because I didn't have the energy to, and plus I was a little upset. I haven't spoke to him since Friday and he's texted a few times since then, and I respond . Says he misses me I say the same... asking if I'm ok, I say sure. But I just don't feel up to actually speaking to him right now, afraid it may cause an arguement.

Between Wednesday and now I still haven't seen him and I'm just hurt that he didn't even come by to check on me. Three of my good friends came by to check on me and bring me soup/snacks. We're considering marriage and I'm kind of resistant becuase I don't think I can handle this kind of neglect in the future. And he's known to have done this in the past. (Go out of town for days without calling, but send a text message 3 days later and it has caused arguements). I just really want him to know that I'm not gonna take this kind of BS and when I feel up to talking to him I will, but I'm wondering if this is games. I'm just now starting to get my strength back and I'm wondering if I should even bring it up. My good friend tells me that some people never change and sometimes you just have to compromise and communicate. And after 2yrs it should be easier, but he's somewhat stubburn and I'm quite passive.

Answer 1

i understand how you feel i was so sick two thanksgivings ago i couldn't stand for long but still managed to cook a complete dinner for my family and while they ate i slept i was to ill at the time to care but after i started feeling better i got so mad at the thoughtlessness they showed me when i needed them i held it in for awhile but then one day just blew my top it was a ugly scene but after the smoke cleared i felt better they felt awful i know it was sort of childish but i was so hurt and i think that's how you are feeling i would talk to him before you blow your top too

Answer 2

You stated that you are Passive and I think that Most guys admire and respect a STRONG woman not to say that you are not a strong woman but your passivity may be mistaken for someone he can walk over. This lack of communication and you not saying anything will make things worse, build up anger in you which is not good esp if you guys wish to get married some day. It is OK to question our spouses without seeming insecure it lets them know that we are watching, thing is some people get too comfortable and get too confident that their spouse is too faithful when they have just made it so easily possible for them to cheat on you. The texting and not calling can symbolize that he is cheating and then again who really knows. Be watchful and open up your mouth it is not what you say it is how you say it, don't seem like a nag seem as if you are protecting yourself and your feelings. Remember that actions speaks louder than words!!

Answer 3

I think that the only person you think about is yourself. Big deal he didn't call, he probably figured you needed rest. He called you the next day like OMG chill out!!!! Then he text-ed you a few times asking how you were. OMFG maybe he's out with his family and busy but still had time to text you. I think you are being a ***** and if I were him I would be moving on. You need to realize that people don't change and either you should accept him or you should move on too. Cause it only gets worse.

Answer 4

It was the flu and bronchitis, not cancer. He took you to the hospital, stayed with you all night, called from his family's house, called on Saturday. What do you want?? Furthermore, you've already stated that when you do talk to him, there will probably be a fight. I'd stay away from you too! What to do? Get over yourself, or your neediness will drive the guy away.

Answer 5

Glad you're starting to feel better! That was a bad one.

Being passive will lead you into much pain in your relationships. You can be soft-spoken, compassionate and understanding without being passive. Gently express your feelings when you're hurt or your pain will intensify--and it doesn't get better as you get older. Speak your mind and be free. It's not easy at first, but it's much harder in the long run not to, I promise.

Answer 6

He certainly doesn't sound very respectful to you.What kind of person is he to not even care about your health and well being? I would dot my i's and cross my t's before I let this relationship go any further.You deserve to be treated with more respect than he seems to give you.Sounds to me as though he is very self centred and needs to grow up.It's hard not to be judgemental with what you've told us.
You have every right to be upset and should be able to speak your mind without causing any arguments.Ask him why he treats you this way?? You deserve a truthful answer.

Answer 7

I would stay away too! The infections you had were very contagious!

If you are well now, call him and tell him you'd like to see him.

Answer 8

didn't you say it was a 5 hour drive for him to get home?