How do I get my 5yr daughter to worry less?

Question

I have a 5yr old little girl who is always worried about what other people think. She doesn't want anyone to comment on her clothes or not like her. She is always worried about upsetting her grandparents or the other children in her class. She picked out a new hat in the store and insisted she should wear it home, but when another child she didn't know commented on it she was embarresed and put it in the shopping cart. At school a little girl said her backpack was ugly and she wanted a new one right away. How do I explain to her that it doesn't matter what other people think? How do I get her to understand that she can't please everyone, and that her happiness is all she should work on?

Neither my husband nor myself have perfectionism or self-esteem issues. We are both very much our own person. We are not afraid to be who we are. That being said what are some outside sources that she could possibly be picking up this behaviour from.

Answer 1

first i would ask her teacher if there is a child in the class that talks loudly about others that could be causing a reaction,
after that I would talk to grandparents, family and babysitters to find if someone has send something on accident that might have caused such a back lash. (ask as non-threatening as you can adults are scared of concerned parents)

next I would sit her down and tell her that she decides what is pretty and what is not, its only what she likes that matters to you.
try to reinforce her decisions as good.

Answer 2

She is learning this behavior somewhere. Are you or your husband a perfectionist....you need to find out who's behavior she is modeling and keep talking to her about how cool it is to be an individual. And lead by example.....wear a funny hat, dance in the grocery store, show her that people looking and thinking your odd can be a wonderful thing!

Answer 3

they say kids learn for example. has she always worried, or did something happen to make her feel as if she needs to be concerned w/ other people's reactions? is sit possible that something happened w/in a social setting where she saw someone react insecurely(i.e school, or play group)? i've tried to instill in my 3 kids (2-5yrs. & 1-3yrs.) that they don't need to worry about other's opinions, let your daughter know that she's her own person & it's o.k. to be different. good luck.

Answer 4

I agree with Katyk she is learning by example.. If you are insecure she'll be insecure. I have a friend with the same problem.. I told her that her daughter won't get better until she does.