My daughter is nearly 3, and I have taken to calling or e-mailing everyone before her birthday to offer "suggestions".
Her new brother will turn 1 the week after she does, so I have been talking with the relatives and I've got one buying a wagon, and the other an additional portable DVD player for the car, our daughter has one but our son is turning forward facing soon......
I guess what i'm asking is, is it offensive that I offer suggestions to these people, or should I just let it be? They are both hard to fit in clothing, so if they get clothes it dosent often work out, and i feel like the money has been wasted.....
2007-03-12 07:16:11 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
this is a good question... we all face it as mothers.. and I know, I used to wonder as well... I did what you have done.. I asked! lol... only I asked the people I was in turn making the suggestions to.... I felt it was an individual thing...
I do make suggestions to others myself... some I have found are offended and I have unruffled feathers and had to explain to them that there is already so much of one thing... but nothing of another..... like when I ask to please limit gifts to one or two and instead of clothes the credit card or gift certs are great.... or savings bonds even better? grandmother (inlaw) got so mad at one point.... which I understood, it is fun to just shop for that perfect gift..... I had to explain how important a gift it was and how great it would be if she could have that awesome task..... I put a positive spin on it is all
I also ask though before I buy for a child, whether relative or not.. I ask what if anything is needed or wanted... I also ask for likes, interests and dislikes.... nothing worse from a child's point of view, than having a present on your birthday that is the one thing you really dislike in the world.... lol...
for the clothing part? I do not know if your children go out with other relatives alone yet... but, I ask for gift cards or the like... and I am up front with the reason....child has very picky taste or is very difficult due to in-between sizes..... I tell the relatives I know how special it is to be there... and ask if they would like the gift to be "a day out with so and so" where they give the little credit card looking thing and then take the child out for lunch and shopping etc.... lol...
the one time I had a relative defy me on this they were first embarrassed to be the only one who had not listened to the suggestion..... my daughter had three "special days" lined up and felt very much a princess... from aunts/uncle....with manicure/hair and shopping with one... lunch and shpping with another... and lunch and a movie/day out and window shopping with another...... and then the clothes they bought did not fit, and my daughter was upset... because this person encouraged her to try it on for everyone to see (ok, it was motherinlaw again) she even asks for my suggestions now though... and also knows it is for the children... not me... it is so it is easier for them...
I see nothing wrong with asking or offering a variety of suggestions... but do suggest you also ask the people involved if they have been or are offended by it..... or if there is a happy medium.... or maybe they just need to know your reasoning..... I am not so good with "forceful" but with six kids... running to exchange just does not happen.... and I do not like to hurt feelings either.. so I usually have asked if it would be okay to offer some suggestions, "oh so-and-so's tastes are changing faster than her clothing size.... you wouldn't believe how fast she's growing... and only going on three... fussy little lady.....is exerting control over her domain and expressing herself with toys and clothes......" that usually leads to talking about gifts that either got ignored, or given away..... and then idea exchanging for how to approach.. "I had thought to suggest to people that maybe this year gifts could be..." and then throw out some ideas I had... involve the other people kind of.... get them to suggest suggestions are good if they do not like it.... that way they understand why....
I think most moms hope for the suggestions so they are buying something wanted/needed...
personally, I do not like asking what should I buy... since it then gets slotted into a price range... and since I have a large family? they always assume I am low price range... it hurts to have semi-strangers slot you like that.... so, I give a the varying degrees of ranges... I try to never slot anyone by "if I know they can not afford a dvd player"
thank you for taking the time to read/listen to this
hope I have been able to assist
good luck
2007-03-12 08:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by elusive_001 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well..............I understand where you're coming from. It's always a shame if people don't know what to get and wind up wasting their money on presents that will never be used. On the other hand, gifts can be very personal things, and should be given from the heart - if someone is telling you what to get it can take the personal element out of the act of giving, and make it a burden rather than a joy. Personally, if someone suggested that I give a one-year-old a portable DVD player, I would feel burdened down and somewhat offended, because I can't even afford to buy a portable DVD player for myself - so it would make it seem that anything that I might be able to get is paltry and unappreciated.
My thought would be, make up a list of things that would make good gifts...then if someone asks you what the kids could use, because they're drawing a blank, you will have suggestions ready. Make sure that your list has inexpensive gifts on it, in addition to the big ticket items so that relatives or friends that aren't well off won't feel overwhelmed or get their feelings hurt.
2007-03-12 14:29:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would find it a bit inappropriate. It sounds like the main reason for the invite is for the gift. The gift should be an after thought.
I see no problem in adding to the invitation... oh Mary is turning 3 but is wearing a size 4T.. big girl!!! But not to specifically say she wants a tricycle with pink flowers.. etc. Let the suggestions go to the ones that ask.
2007-03-12 14:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by Cambria 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do that for my kids. Generally I let my family know that we've picked out a big gift (for Christmas my 3 year old got a new twin sized bed), and let people know that I would just like everyone to go in on it for whatever amount they would have spent on a present. I only do it with family though, I wouldn't feel right about doing the same with friends unless they asked for a gift suggestion.
2007-03-12 14:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recently ran into the same delema. My son's 5th bday is around the corner and we in th mist of planning his party. Since both my husband and i feel like he already has too many toys we put a little message in the invitation that read...
Gifts are not necessary, but if you must a gift card would be much appreciated. This way we can use the gift cards to get new summer clothes and a couple toys or books.
2007-03-13 05:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by stone065 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not tell anyone what to buy unless they ask. If they ask I would give them a few suggestions in different price ranges so the person and get something that will fit their budget. When people ask me I usually know what kind of budget they have because of previous experience with them. Also people that you are close to you would be able to get more in-depth in a conversation. with others i usually say something that's not very expensive and they end-up getting that and something else. I have actually started writing lists of what i would like my children to have or reasonable things that they are asking for. I tell them to remind me when their birthday or Christmas comes, but i also write it down so i can give people ideas when THEY ask.
2007-03-12 14:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by wsperingwasp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that if the guests wanted suggestions then they would call you and ask for some. At that time feel free to give them some ideas off of your family wish list.
You aren't asking for little things either. Even grandparents might have a special gift they were planning on getting for the kids but feel obligated to get what you are asking for.
When you get a gift that doesn't fit be honest. Let them know how much you appreciated it but unfortunately you need to have it exchanged. They would be glad to tell you where they got it and even give you the receipt (if they didn't include a gift receipt).
Hope your kids have a wonderful birthday. SD
2007-03-12 15:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion it reflects poorly on the parents as far as their purpose for throwing the party regardless of their true intent for sending out such a list. Hopefully a parent's only reason for throwing a party is to surround their child with the people who love and care for the child and truely want to participate in celebrating the child's life. Presents have their place in such celebrations but absolutely should not be the focus of the event which is exactly what you are doing by sending out a list....its simply bad taste. Big deal if you have to spend some time exchanging some gifts that aren't practical for your child...I would much rather do that than offend someone who is giving up their time to celebrate my child's birthday.
2007-03-12 15:25:34 · answer #8 · answered by SmittyJ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I have made a "wish list" every Christmas. We usually send it to his family and my mom. Last year my husband sent it to my dad. My dad thought it was presumptuous to send something like that. It wasn't until he had to start helping out with the shopping that he realized what a great help it can be. My sister will ask if we've made our list yet.
With kids I have added a short paragraph about what their current interests and abilities are. That way the gift buyer can still pick out a unique gift.
You might add a note that these are merely suggestions and that any gift is appreciated.
2007-03-12 14:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by eebrs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I hate when people suggest what I can buy for their kids or them. I would ask if I needed ideas. It seems presumptuous to expect people to give your children gifts, it may make people feel obligated and what if they don't have that kind of money and are to embarrassed to say so. Some people may give cool gifts that you haven't thought of, if left to chose on their own. I think it makes you and the kids seem ungrateful and a little spoiled.
2007-03-12 14:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by ohangel911 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋