Family issues. Any advice for me?

Question

Summary: Brought up in household with drug addicted parents. As the eldest child, I spent most of my childhood and teen years taking care of my sisters and everything else. When I left for college, there was a backlash from my sisters. When they did not have a place to go, I moved out of the dorms and took three months off from school to get an apartment. Today, they are both doing pretty well. One has a great job and her own apartment with her two daughters and boyfriend. The other is heading to a top medical school with her boyfriend. I've always been there for them. The only thing I ever wanted from them is to get the same loyalty they show their boyfriends & friends. My sisters go out of their way to do things with them, spend time with them, and help them out.
Anyway, I went through a major depression point. I tried to tell my family what I was going through. They weren't there. They were too busy,etc. My sister tells me today that 'u got everyone kinda scared to talk to u'. wth

I did get the help that I needed and I worked with a professional to get through it. I cannot believe that some people here actually think that asking family to listen was somehow selfish on my part. Just talking things out can be very helpful. They couldn't do that. If you can't talk to family, then who can you talk to?

Thank you for the positive responses! You guys gave me fresh perspectives that I hadn't encountered. The idea of walking away is painful to me but it might be something I need to take time out to consider. Yahoo only gives so many characters to work with and there was more to the situation that I could write. Regardless, I feel much, much better after reading the helpful replies.
:)

Answer 1

i think they may feel a bit awkward, guilty, and possibly afraid of helping you because it may become a "burden" on them. the thing is , you didn't shy away from this burden..you took it, head on, whatever the consequences. yes they may appreciate it now, but they still do not have the same Strength and Loyalty that you did!!! it's like, u helped them get to where they are, and now they want to wash their hands of the past.. not that they don't care about you, but they just don't have the same ability to HELP the way that you did. try not to take it personally, and try to understand in their position, as younger and less mature and less Strong people than you were.. =T. you have to be strong, for yourself, because in the end u cannot really depend on others to bring u up. yes, ur siblings were dang lucky to have YOU there to help bring them up, but they shouldn't have depended on you to do it for them.....

long story short... try to be Open Minded so that they are not Scared to talk to u or help you, and help them understand that u just want some support from ur family. and try not to use the "well i helped u! u are selfish people who didn't appreciate what i did for you!" no one likes feeling Guilted into helping someone... =T. anyways, try hard to bring Yourself up to a better level, and they will see your effort. be happy that they are doing well now, be proud that it was because you helped them to get there, they made it this far!!! and that means that u can help yourself get that far too... good luck~

Answer 2

So sorry you have been through such an ordeal with your upbringing and now as an adult with seemingly ungrateful siblings. Your siblings may not realize all that you have done for them, or they may not want to acknowledge what a debt of gratitude they owe you. It's not unusual, though, for people who come from troubled backgrounds then to cling very hard in their romantic relationships, as if they are struggling to hold on to something, and to pay little attention to their families.

Perhaps you should shift the focus away from your family and siblings and on to your own life and friends. It sounds like you are a very strong person to have survived all of the travails of your home life. You should remind yourself that you have great strength and compassion.

As for the depression, I hope you are getting help for that and not trying to manage it on your own. You may want to see a counselor to talk about the issues that are bothering you. It can be a tremendous help to talk with a third party who is not involved and who will not make any kind of judgment about your feelings.

Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 3

First of all, you did a great job. You should be proud.
Listen, sweetheart. There is something I belive with all my heart. Every good deed we do is returned to us, not necessarily from those it was given to. Your sisters are not paying you back. So, what? You will get good stuff in return. Trust me. Don't ever regret doing what you did. You should always take pride no matter what they are now or what they treat you like. One day you will be paid back in miracoulous ways. Leave the past behind and start a fresh life. Good luck!

Answer 4

you are a wonderful sister you stepped up and filled the mother gap for them and now they are independent and going on with their life and you are feeling left behind welcome to the world of motherhood and i am not saying that as a bad thing trust me i have 4 sons and they have always had me in their corner and always will but they never think that i might be the one in need after all i took care of everything so well when they were growing up i must have it all together lol wrong but i sometimes feel that i am being left behind too but i guess that's what all the work was headed in raising them to go on with their lives and be happy.you should be very proud of the action you took in raising your siblings and might think about finding a counselor for the moments when its all to much.good luck

Answer 5

You were forced into being a caretaker at a young age. Apparently no one appreciated it and just took it for granted.

I am sorry this happened to you. Depression is hard, especially without any help. Your sisters can't handle talking to you because they are used to you being the strong one. It is very selfish of them, but not much can be done that now.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Wow. You did everything to help them out and now that you need their help; they aren't there. Now that you've learned a tough lesson; I wouldn't involve them much in your life as far as advice/help etc...some families are tight and some aren't =( They had their issues that you helped them with and now you have yours. You didn't tell them why you couldn't have helped. I've learned that I have options even without my family; good, bad or indifferent. I've relied on my friends =)

Answer 7

i'm sorry to hear about your troubles...but what i can tell you is that if your sisters refuse to spend time with you, don't let that get you down at all....they are your family i know but you show too much dependency on them...let them free if they wish it to be so and make new friends who can very well turn out to be even closer to you than they would ever be....your sisters obviously is missing out on a brother like you and eventually, they will come to you as you begin to lead a greater life....find your independence and let them know that you can lead a life too! :)

Answer 8

AS A MAN INTO FAMILY PRIDE I THINK IT IS VERY SELFISH OF THEM AND IF YOU CANT GET JUST A LITTLE LOVE BACK!!!!!THEN YOU NEED TO FIRST BRING UPTHE FACT YOU PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD TO MAKE SURE FAMILY WAS FINE,NOW LET THEM MISS YOU AND YOUR GENEROSITY,CAUSE THAT SAYING IS TRUE YOU REALLY NEVER MISS A GOOD THING TIL IT'S GONE!!!!!111

Answer 9

Unfortunantly you have become their parental figure instead of their big sister,it happens. Give them time and it will resolve itself,all kids want space,even young adult from their parent (you).

Answer 10

Sometimes it works better to ask for help rather than to tell people what you need.