My husband has been very critical of my appearance and well actually everything about me. My personality, my humor, my housecleaning, my driving. You name it. I am not overwieght and I get flirted with and have been asked out by men who didnt know I was married before. So i must not be that repulsive. He told me that a young women at work had a better body than me. It hurt me badly and he said sorry he just wanted me to get into shape but realizes now its my personality he actually had a problem with but there is nothing I can do about it, and he loves me anyway. Well now I am extremely insecure about my looks and I cant go to movies where there is nude women with him without feeling extreme emotional pain. He says I am ridiculous and get hurt over dumb things. I dont think I will ever trust him again, which also makes him very angry. I need to know if its normal for me to be bothered by him looking at other women nude women. I have been told by other women that it is not normal.
2007-03-12 07:08:00 · 19 answers · asked by j s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Many women hate their partners looking at other females, whether in the street or on the TV. But there are also as many women who get a kick out of seeing their man eye up other women, knowing that he is their man, and will be going home with them. It is just the same the other way round, many men are like this too.
As for your husband putting you down, it is a classic case of inferiority complex. He actually knows you are far too good for him, and by keeping you suppressed he ensures you won't wander elsewhere. Many men also do this, it is a destructive pattern which will eventually erode any self worth you have.
My advice to you would be to take interests out side of the home, join some clubs, dancing or art etc. Try and find women only clubs so that your husband has no reason to start up on the jealousy front. Go out there, and get back your sense of worth back with like minded friends.
And if your husband still has problems with anything about you, just remember they are HIS problems not yours, and he should seek some counseling to find out why he feels so insecure.
Keep smiling! You ARE wonderful.
2007-03-12 07:26:38 · answer #1 · answered by wonkyfella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men can be and are very insensitive sometimes when speaking their minds to women. They don't understand what it does to our self-esteem. Whether he's satisfied with your body or not, if you had the best body in the world, he, being a man, WILL look at other women. We look at other men, right? That does not constitute any dissatisfaction with the person we're with, it only means we're human. A person can look with no intention of touching. As long as you're sure of that, you have nothing to worry about. He needs to understand what his comments are doing to you though. You should talk to him and let him know how he makes you feel. Tell him that words are like toothpaste, neither can be taken back once they've been squeezed out!
2007-03-12 07:17:15 · answer #2 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any man with a pulse looks. THAT--you needn't worry about.
The criticism, on the other hand, is a big problem. Criticism is a form of verbal abuse.
"Verbal abuse" is any statement of disapproval which is undeserved and which lower's the victim's self-esteem.
It doesn't matter whether the criticism was directly stated or implied; whether or not yelling was involved; or whether the hurt feelings subside in an hour, a month, or never.
He is obviously not happy, and deep down there are probably other issues.
You need to decide if you want to live that way, because it's deeply ingrained, and it's not going to change.
Best of luck.
2007-03-12 07:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by Dorothy and Toto 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't be insecure about your looks, if you are getting attention from other guys then you have nothing to worry about. Your husband obviously doesn't think before he speaks. Some guys says hurtful words to keep control and others are just rude. If you love him try to spice up the marriage.Go the extra mile to look hot.Guys love a challenge
and they love it when other guys to want their women. When you look good you feel good.Guys are going to look at other women it just pure nature especially if there is nudity. .As long as your happy with yourself and you like what you see in the mirror that's all that matters.
2007-03-12 07:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand where you are coming from and that is a painful situation.. Men have to be careful what they say because words really hurt.
My husband treats me like crap too he loves too watch porn and also when we go out he is always starring at other women, how messed up is that.. That also makes me feel insecure. We don't even have sex unless I intiate it, basically I have too rape him in order to get some loving.. I am so frustrated with this man, I am tempted too cheat.. He might be cheating on me but I do not have proof.. Don't worry about your husband because if he does not appreciate you someone else will... good luck to you...
2007-03-12 07:20:52 · answer #5 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH go get your hair done girlfriend! some short cute blombshell look, and let the next guy who flirts , flirt a bit longer before you tell him youre married, see how far he stays talking to you. Youll feel a bit better and give you some sell esteem back.
When he says some crap next tell him he shouldnt be such a pig and that he should try looking in a mirror. Even if hes in shape just make comments about him balding or having to much hair elsewhere.
Some men can be sensative about stuff like that, and maybe he'll get a hint.
2007-03-12 07:14:24 · answer #6 · answered by crymsyneyez 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, I think what he said to you and the way he treated you is terrible, he is lucky to have you. As far as him looking at other nude women, some wives do not see a problem with it and others do, its just a matter of personal opinion. I can certainly see why you would have a problem with it when he tells you that you are not good enough. In my opionion, you should dump him or give him a taste of his own medicine, remind him he is not as good looking as the men who ask you out and flat out tell him his personality sucks.
2007-03-12 07:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know who you've been talking to, but it is human nature for a man to look at another woman he thinks is attractive. It's when it goes beyond looking that it is not normal. If he's not cheating on you, he's not doing anything that ALL men don't do. Some are just better at being discreet about it.
As for the criticism, let the next guy flirt a little longer, and if your husband pulls that crap again, rub his nose in the attention you get.
Cheers :-)
2007-03-12 07:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by Captain Jack ® 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The other women are right. He's verbally abusing you. So you can ask yourself, "Do I want to live this way for the next 20-30-40 years?" or you can explore your options. If he's willing, try counseling. If he's not, then you should probably move on. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, not someone who constantly criticizes you and says, "But I love you anyway." He's insecure and has a bullying mentality. Don't fall for it.
2007-03-12 07:12:18 · answer #9 · answered by pokecheckme 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
j s,
He may be being mean but all men look, at least hes telling you these things. Would you perfer he keeps it inside and you end up in divorce court?
All men look, smart men dont say anything about it.
If your psyche is so fragile you can’t go to a movie with a naked women in it, then maybe you need professional help.
2007-03-12 07:19:22 · answer #10 · answered by FF Geek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋