My fiance got a divorce. The kids' mom passed away the day after I moved into the house (Oct. 2006). Before the divorce their mom wasn't too involved in their life but lived in the same house. After the divorce, their mom didn't contact them hardly at all, they didn't even montion her over the holidays. Sometimes I want to hug them, say '"good night love you" (ages 10, 14, 16, 19) but don't know if I should just wait for them. They seem to like me, talk to me about their days... any advice?
2007-03-12 06:09:01 · 13 answers · asked by natsuko1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Another question to go along with this. We have not told the kids how serious our relationship is as far as getting engaged. We have had conversations that come up like going on vacation together next year and those kinds of things. How do we tell them? When do we tell them?
2007-03-12 06:39:56 · update #1
be the best mum you can be if ur dying to hug them wait for an appropriate occasion like a bday or something major for the first hug i wouldnt rush it but i commend u for being that nice pple like u are hard to find
2007-03-12 06:13:46 · answer #1 · answered by ladyluck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are children, what's to think about? They need your love and support now more than anything. In the absence of a real mother (even before she died she wasn't being a mother to those kids) they will need a mother figure - if you are marrying their father, then that's you. Hug the children, for Christ sake and tell them you love them (but only if you do, kids know when grown ups are lying to them). They may never feel comfortable themselves to come to you and besides you are the adult. Also, you may want to talk to your fiance about some counseling for the kids, sounds like they need it. Good luck.
2007-03-12 13:14:14 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've got step kids also.. If you're going to wait for them, you might wait awhile.. By all means tell them you love them and hug them.. Kids are sensitive, and want to be loved and acknowledged. Even if they don't say it back at first, at least they know that you care and want to be part of their lives. They will respect you more if you make the first move. Good luck!!
2007-03-12 13:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by aksnowman31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would discuss this question directly with the children. I would have separate conversations with each because what you discuss with a 10 year old is different from a 19 year old. So you should craft an appropriate discussion with each child. I am sure you will find they have opinions on the subject and they will be more then happy to discuss it.
2007-03-12 13:14:32 · answer #4 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recently got married, and my husband has 3 grown sons, and I admire them greatly and am very fond of them, but I don't hug and say I love you. I know they have a Mom and they love her very much, and from what I gather she loves them. I don't ever want to take her place as their matriach. I prefer to wait, if they say it I will respond as in my heart I do. I try to show I care by making nice family dinners, keeping the house clean and neat, listening to their stories, including them in our activities, and by showing them how much I love their Dad, which real does make them happy. The situation is delicate you have to be patient. I think if they were under 14, I would be more apt to show affection if they wanted it from me. Best wishes.
2007-03-12 13:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try hugging them first if they repel then u shld wait a bit longer... saying I love scare some kids off, but hugs make ppl feel special without being too direct
2007-03-12 13:21:06 · answer #6 · answered by Madish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know if this will help or not. I believe that no one should ever wait a minute to tell someone, anyone, that they love them! If you love the kids, let them know! You would feel awful, if God forbid, something was to happen to you, and you had never said, I Love You!
2007-03-12 13:20:33 · answer #7 · answered by justlookin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they like you. Just be honest with them, spend time with them. I believe you can tell them you love them. Just don't push too hard so that they don't feel as if you're trying to replace their mom or something. I'm sure they know you love them either way.
2007-03-12 13:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im 12 and if any kids are like me i have a step mom too and she just said love you and gave me hugs i did not mind
2007-03-12 13:18:52 · answer #9 · answered by blakey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should definately try to do those things. Because it sounds like those kids need to know and hear that they are cared about from a woman role model in their lives. If you try this and they don't like it at first you could try to be more subtle with it but keep reminding them that you realy do care. Chances are your kids realy want to hear it and need to hear it but do not know how to handle it yet. Trust me, when my stepdad came into my life I was mad and didn't want anything to do with him. He always told me he cared about me and it scared me at first but it felt good to know.
2007-03-12 13:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋