How important is money to your relationship?

Question

Since my divorce 2 years ago, I handle all responsibiltiies for my house mortgage, car, etc. for me and my kids. I don't think it is my boyfriend's responsibility to take care of my kids, but when he spends 3-4 days a week at my house, I find that I am more conscienious of how much he isn't contributing, while enjoying the perks of chilling at my house, watching big screen with cable, internet, etc. His house has none of this.

Those would be my bills anyway because this is the lifestyle I choose to live, but am I wrong to feel that he should contribute something?? He is willing to "loan" me money if I fall short once in a while, but I find myself "hurt" at the idea that he is laying up at my house with no inclination to actually help (without the loan attached). These feelings are starting to damage what I feel for him. We discussed moving in and splitting bills 50/50, but his daughter is an issue so we aren't doing that. Am I wrong to think he should contribute something?

I have talked with him before about this and he has started at least paying my way when we go on dates. I don't think I should have to ask for money after having discussed this with him. He wanted to move in and I agreed, but his teenage daughter likes us, but doesn't really like spending that much time with me and my kids. I don't want to make us all miserable so I said "no" to us moving in together.

Answer 1

Not only are you right about this but he is seriously
remiss in not coming forward and volunteering to
pay some of your expenses....

Answer 2

No, I don't think that you are wrong for that at all, but at the same time, I do understand him coming over to your place instead of vice versa, because of his daughter. You should address the problem before you become bitter and resentful towards him. Money is the number one reason why couples break up. Communication is key if you want the relationship to survive. Be clear about your expectations and ask him to contribute more regularly, i.e. pay the cable bill, as he is enjoying that luxury at your house, or half of the groceries, as he eats there, too. That way, it will seem more fair to him, because he is actually benefiting from his contribution. Good luck to you guys. :)

Answer 3

In todays world of blended families it almost defies traditional solutions. I would say that if you perceive this to be a long term relationship I would sit him down and tell him that there needs to be some form of expense sharing. From a financial planning standpoint I cant imagine why two people would want to pay double all the expenses that a home can cost (Taxes, electricity, mortgage payments etc) Good luck

Answer 4

Sorry to assert in spite of the undeniable fact that it takes money now days to have a sturdy relationship,in case you do not have money and could no longer bypass places including your gf/bf your relationship received't very last lengthy,yet to be wealthy and not in any respect help others out in real favor is love of money first.

Answer 5

This could be a sticky situation, but if you go about it sincerely and not confrontational; you'll be fine =) You can go about it more than one way; "wow; bills are starting to pile up, I have to find a way to get (cable) as an example paid" and then see if he actually puts his money where his mouth is by helping out. If he doesn't get the hint, come out and ask by saying "I love your company and I'm glad we can spend time together, but with all of us using utilities, can you help out with (and then give your own example)....chances are he will and if he still doesn't; it's time for him to pack up and go. This is reminding him you truly can't support all of you and for him to be fair with what he's using there =). Then some men are just clueless; you know? Stay with your instincts and go with what you know. Let me know how things work out!!

Answer 6

If he's over as a guest, you wouldn't expect him to contribute --

but the amount of time he spends, it seems like he should be doing something....
bringing dinner with him?
purchasing stuff (games or such) to do with you & family?
pitching in with at least his portion of the mess, so that you 2 can spend time together?

If your feelings are starting to damage your relationship, let him know. He can't fix the problem if he can't put a finger on it. (And if you're worried about him not understanding, take the explanation slowly)

Answer 7

Well, I can't tell you what is right or wrong, but...

1) Money matters are a big issue in any relationship. It is what drew my ex to me and split us apart.
2) You are definitely feeling put-out or put-upon, and this is affecting your relationship.

You need to talk to him about this in a very frank matter. You might be so bold as to generate a line item list of expenses he is responsible for.

Be prepared that he may also have his list of expenses you generate. Does he pay for all dates? Does he buy expensive gifts? Also be prepared for equitability arguements. Who makes more.? Who has greater expenses?


I have a great friend who called off his engagement because of money. My ex left me because of money. You are stressed because of money. Money is truly what women are all about, and men know it.


Be careful.

Answer 8

50/50 or at least 60/40

Answer 9

it sounds like he's kinda mooching off you, maybe not intentionally but he is. you need to discuss your feelings with him, he cannot read your mind. if youguys are serious and want to move in together then you need to discuss money. it's sad but true.

Answer 10

Well im only in highschool so other then a few simple things, money isn't all that important yet!