Is there any signs to show if a guy is going to turn out to be a cheater or abuser?

Question

Hey, im in highschool, and is totally in love with a college guy. We both want to get married. he seems so perfect in every way. but when he gets mad he really gets mad. he yells and cuss a lot. but never laid a finger on me. i asked my friends if there are any signs to tell if he might become a cheater or abuser or even something worst. but she said you cant tell till your married, but i wanna know before i say my "i do's". im just worried if im making a mistake being with him. i seen a lot of situations on tv and real life. and i just dont want to make a mistake in my life. i just wanna be happy. so please help me out. is there any signs? or is just a risk i must take? please and thank you's

he says he would never hurt me physically and emotionally, but what guy havent said that but still did it anyways? if it helps he tells me to stop talking to certain guys, and that i shouldnt be talking to any other guy but him or my gay bestfriend and other girl friends. i got him mad recently, and he looked like he was gonna hit me but instead storm off, and went on a drive. called me and just started yelling at me over the phone in his school parking lot. is that a positive sign?

i know him for a year. been going out for 4 months. he does ask me where i been, with how, when we are chatting he gets upset if im not talking, when he calles he gets upset when i dont pick up. but he gets worried more than upset.. i think.. i been accuse of cheating. but isnt all these things normal?

Answer 1

seeming perfect and then going absolutely crazy when he's mad is a pretty good sign. You suspecting it is a pretty good sign, too.
Your friend obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. You can definitely know before you marry a guy...
Based on my experience, if the guy gets mad over every little thing, then he has the potential to be abusive... if he tries to blame you for every time he gets mad... if he apologizes like crazy after he goes psycho and promises it will never happen again... if tries to tell you who you can be friends with, what you can wear, what you can do/say, then he's well on his way to physical abuse (but being that possessive is bad enough)... there are a lot more signs, but it's hard for me to think of them right now...

Here's an article I just found that you can read: http://www.briomag.com/briomagazine/briobeyond/a0005213.html

Please be careful and get out of the relationship if there is any indication of a possessive psycho boyfriend...

Answer 2

I work with domestic violence offenders each day. Typically most abusers do not start physically abusing their partners right away. The yelling and cursing is just the beginning. You ABSOLUTELY CAN tell before marriage if he will be an abuser. Here are some warning signs: intense jealously, blames you for his faults, verbally or emotional abusive, cannot control his anger, promises to change but doesn't, plays on your guilt, threatens or intimidates you, controls who you see and when you see them. The abuse begins when the partner has committed to the relationship and is therefore less likely to leave. There are many more warning signs, and I encourage you to research it on-line. I only listed a few. Trust me abusive relationships are extremely hard to get out of for a lot of people, especially after marriage.

Answer 3

"i think.. i been accuse of cheating. but isnt all these things normal?"

No, it is not normal to be accused of cheating without good cause. In five years my husband has never even suggested I might be cheating on him, nor have I accused him. He has no reason to think I do and he gives me no reason to think he does.

How to find the abuser? He over does it. Treats you like a breakable princess and sends flowers and candy and throws his coat down for you to walk on. (Politeness is one thing, but what I'm talking about is over the top.) Is everything his way? Where you go to eat? Does he pick out what you will eat? (Sometimes this might be appropriate, like a French restaurant with the menu in French and you don't know a word of French.) Does he get angry when you don't answer the phone when he thinks you should? Does he accuse you of cheating on him? Does he check up on you? Can you put up with his temper without cowering?

F.W. has a lot of good points.

Most people want to be happy, and I wish you the best.

Answer 4

well there are little signs that show if a guy is gonna be an abuser....when a guy gets mad for no reason and he needs anger management then thats one sign...another is that if he is really jelouse...another is that he is really over protective....these are only a few that i kno....but let me just say that once u have let him hit u or yell at u , u have created a pattern and that means that he will hit u or yell at u again.... good luck and i hope u make the right decision....*much luv from Cynthia*

Answer 5

Yes he is trouble,,, I cant say that he is a cheater,, but he will probably be abusive,, whether it is verbal, mental, or physical abuse,, it will be one of those,,, so get out now,,, and physicitrist say that a person will show there true self in 6 months,,, and if it has been atleast 6 months or more then you are seeing the true person that he will be. I have been there ,,, and know ,,, they cant hide their true self that long. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Someone with out of control anger is very likely to become an abuser.

Answer 7

There's your answer right in the beginning part of your question. What you see is what you get. Do not think that this guy will be any different or better if you marry him. You'll just find yourself in a legal bind with him, til death do you part. And I hope it won't be you...