Problem with my mother in law. I need some suggestions to overcome this problem.?

Question

I have been married since 10years.At the beginning of my marriage I stayed with my mother in law as joint family, then we had misunderstanding and I went separately. 1year back my father in law died and now my mother in law is with me. My husband doesn’t want his mother to be alone. I have one brother in law he ignored my mother in law completely. Now my problem is I don’t want to face her. I hate my mother in law when I saw her face I remembered the things what she done earlier to me. Sometimes I feel like slapping her. I don’t have any other option. Because she doesn’t have any option she is with me and acting that she loves my family. What can I do now? Give me some solution.

Answer 1

1> Did you ever feel like your mom? She too would have been harsh over you a lot of times.
2> The problem seems to be your own ego. She has nowhere to go. It's her sons duty to protect her. It's his duty to protect you too. And it's your duty to co-operate with your husband. If you coudn't stick on to commitments, why did you get married?
3> Assuming that your MIL is pretending, you can try and pretend too. Soon you will find things going smooth.
4> Our own perspectives are more important while getting acquainted to a person. You need to look at your MIL with a different perspective. Treat her as your mother. Soon you will find her treating you as her own daughter.
5> If you are not brave and wise enough to bind the family, better leave. And don't turn back until you gather the courage. Your husband did sacrifice his parents once for you. It's your turn now, isn't it?

All the best...

:-)

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation, I'm going through something similar with my husband and my mother-in-law. The only thing you can really do, is sit down and talk to your husband. Be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you want your space back, and that you still want to help your mother-in-law, but find out if there is any other way to help her. perhaps she can have her own apartment, or something to that effect. but talking to your husband and being on the same page with things is very important. A Man loves his mother, and will put her first sometimes. You have to try to keep the peace, but still get what you need out of this.

Answer 3

Your mother-in-law (MIL) must be at the age of 50 + or – 5 yrs. She may be even older… look I am not going to blackmail emotionally for convincing you… no… it is something different that you might be knowing, but, need refreshing same…

As a girl enters the process of becoming a complete woman with attaining puberty at the age of 12 to 14… similarly she ceases to retain the womanhood on attaining menopause at the age of your MIL…

There is a major hormonal disturbance at this crucial time that affects her mental stabilization, growing facial hair and other problems (that I would not like to disclose on the net…) by each one of the women, including you, will have to face during this period… the most stressful time in the life of a woman…

Your MIL needs your emotional support, respect and care right now… whatever she might have done earlier was all due to the effect of menopause… and it is your moral duty to take care of her and try to give back what all you received from her by way of getting her son as your husband…

The history repeats itself… it’s your turn tomorrow…

God bless you… I wish you all the very best for today and tomorrow… please be positive…

Answer 4

Just show her love. Love conquer everthing. What she done to you was wrong, however what your doing is wrong too. Two wrongs don't make it right. You have your husband and kids feelings at stake too; for they love your mother-in-law. You're the lady of the house and it's your responsibility to make the house a peaceful one for all. You need to make the situation right. Her mother-in-law has lost her husband just imagine what she's feeling. Therefore, all she has is you, her son and grandkids...have a heart and forget the past forgive; only then will you find true contentment & peace.

Answer 5

when she has started to act at least to love your family,and she has no other option ,as like you that she has to stay with you ,you too have to start acting and gradually understand what makes you hate her.you have an upper hand now as she could not lose to stay with you.so you could use this towards correcting her and make her come in your way,so that even if you do not like her you may end hating her.after all she might be old,you have t give her some chances.after some years you too might be a mother in law and you too may have some problem like this.sincere affection and love will change your world with your mother in law.

Answer 6

For god sake she is not acting that she loves your family she actually does, who else she has other then your family to love.
......Your situation is just like the caterpillar and the butterfly, you will only understand when after few years you will reach her position. Would it be easy for you to leave without your son with your husband no more.
As per our culture a girls mother is not suppose to live with her after marriage but suppose your mother was staying with you instead of your mother-in-law would still feel like slapping your mother! sorry to harsh but think about it.

Answer 7

I have been married for 24 yrs. and my mother in law hated me for the first 22 years and probably still does but we have both talked it thru and forgave each other for the things said and done to the other.All you can do is sit her down and talk with her.Don't have you're husband there for you are putting him in a rather difficult position. For he loves you and his mother. he should not have to choose which he wants in his life. I know send my mother in law money every month out of six children we are the only ones who send her money for her meds.
So sit her down before she moves in and talk with her tell her you forgive her for saying what she has said and even though it might get you're goat ask her for her forgiveness for the things you have said. you would be amazed at the difference it will make. good luck.

Answer 8

From your own words,

"Because she doesn’t have any option she is with me and acting that she loves my family".

"My husband doesn’t want his mother to be alone. "

Her acting will become her way of life for the good in future.
Forget and forgive her past( she lost her husband by illfate or punishment by God?) show affection to her reciprocating her present action of love.

That will do good for all in your family.
After all she is a old woman ,mother of your husband etc.
Be compassionate and accept her as she is and find peace of mind and solace.
Wish you good luck!

Answer 9

This is a time of *life lessons* for you.
Just think of a needy helpless relative to whom you're the only person who can lend a heart and a hand.
Forget about all the past. It was gone. It won't come back.
What is true, is now.
Take care of her.
By the Universal Law of Karma, you reap what you sow.
If you take the first step of opening your true heart and care, she will respond in kind.
Love is the alchemy.

Answer 10

Newton's third law of motion says that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. What so ever you do to your mother-in-law, you would get equal and opposite things in your life.