Stepson's spoiled?

Question

Due to past consequenses my wife treats my stepson like an 8 yr old and he's 16. I try to teach him facts of life and how he has to earn his way but 90% of the time all I get is grief.He sits in his bedroom, very rarely helps with chores and if I say anything a row starts. Even if I can get him to do something it's done halfway and I have to redo it. He finds every excuse in the book to try to weasel out of it. She gives him nearly anything he wants and I tell her she's losing any respect he might ever have had for her. She had an operation recently and not once did he ask how she was doing or went to visit. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can remedy this problem?

Answer 1

I'm a stepmom so I have some experience here. My stepson who is 17, has been living with us for 7 years. Prior to that he lived with him mom who has never told him no. He has no curfew, can eat, dress and talk however he wants when he stays at moms. He treats his mom with such disrespect, it's apalling.
Since he's been here, I've tried to make him follow the rules. It's almost impossible because his dad seems oblivious to what he does. It got to the point where I was ready to leave. I can't stand to live in MY home, where some 17 y.o. snot is calling all the shots.
We've gone to counseling and I've been told it's dad's responsibility to deal with his behavior issues. Since I'm "just the stepmom", it's not my duty to discipline him.
I've learned to keep mouth shut. If it's something minor, such as keeping his room clean, I just have to keep reminding myself he's going to be moving out in 87 days (but who's counting).
Choose your battles. The only time I will try to correct him is when it has to do with something that is really important to me, such as the way he disrespects his girlfriends. When he tries the mouthy crap with his dad I step in. I know his dad should call him on it but I think there's a lot of guilt from the divorce.
Good luck to you. Just remember to choose your battles.

Answer 2

I understand your problem personally. I am the mom of a son who doesn't get along with his stepfather. He and I are always bickering about what my son does and that he thinks it may be disrespectful and I don't agree. I don't feel my son is perfect but I feel as a person not his parent, but I feel my fiancee makes a mountain out of a mole hill in most instances.

First off your wife needs to grow a bit of a back bone, she needs to realize that her son will respect her more if she gives him some rules and follows through with them. It might not feel so now, but someday he will be a better adult because his mom was a little tough on him. At 16 he should be helping out around the house (my son does at 11 and has been since he was 5). If he isn't willing to do something right without someone having to redo it, he doesn't deserve to get anything he wants. He should have asked about his mom's operation, he might have been afraid to go visit her kids usually don't like seeing their mom who is all mighty and powerful in a position like that, but the fact that he didn't even ask about her or call makes him just a selfish teenager.

The best thing to do is to calmly talk to your wife about it, suggest seeing someone, maybe he is depressed, or has some emotional problems because of things in his past. Maybe she babies him because she feels guilty for things, like his dad not being there or she might feel like she needs to do this because she let him down in some way. It sounds to me like family councling would do you all a heap of good.

Answer 3

properly that's merely unhappy that your spouse is doing this to him and you. Sounds greater like she is the single that desires discipline. i might supply her an ultimatum and tell her it rather is have been given to alter and if it would not then tell her heavily to leave him with somebody else until she gets him decrease than administration. i'm sorry yet any youngster that maintains to be in diapers and ingesting a bottle at 3 could desire to no longer be a efficient youngster. What interior the international is she thinking. once you assert you will no longer or cant's discipline him there's a large difference. She is the concern. good success and make contact with Nanny 911

Answer 4

that's quite a difficult situation.and the fact that you are not his biological father doesn't ease the problem. is he the only child she has? it is common that maternal care is excessive when in this situation. try to have a frank talk with her.bring her to realize that she's spoiling him. try to make him understand the fact that you're part of the family and would appreciate some respect from him. maybe you could get some professional help to handle this tough situation...

Answer 5

I am probably no help here but it sounds like there is an isue with him. Sounds like you need to take away things if he doesnt do what he is suppose to do. For example my daughter is 10. If she doesnt do what I ask she gets her nintendo ds taken away. I only allow her to play it after 8 pm through the week. So this is a punishment that works for us. I hope this has helped somewhat.

Answer 6

You are not his parent. Stop trying to parent him. His mother and father are the only ones to handle this. Talk to your wife again. She is the only one who can make anything happen.

Answer 7

he will neva see her as a mother, so you should try make him see her as ur partner. her job isnt to discipline ur son. u should teach your son respect and manners and also ask y he resents u and ur partner so much.

Answer 8

i know that you probably feel frustrated, but remember he is not your kid, it's your wife's kid. and you probably had to think about it before you married her. but anyways, have you tried talking to her?

Answer 9

Talk (do not argue) with her about it.

Answer 10

whip him with your belt