Do you believe that your first love molds what you look for in a mate?

Question

I find myself comparing guys to my first love (to whom I no longer speak). It's like holding these guys to impossible standards. Is this just a fact of life or am I holding on too much to something that is long gone?

Please only serious answers. Immature and blatantly disrepectful comments are not appreciated nor wanted here, though I do appreciate constructive criticism.

Specifically, I mean the things he would do or say that made me attracted to him. His sense of humor, his take charge and commanding nature (not mean or harshly physical, just not afraid to go after what he wanted), plus the little things like how he looked at me very intensely, brushed my hair without being asked, or how he could make me smile when I had a horrible day....things like that. When I meet and spend time with a guy, I expect him to do all those things that my ex did or I find myself not attracted to him.

Answer 1

well, when i met my last bf, i compared him to my first who i believed i was in love with (but i realized it was an infatuation) but my bf got upset and asked me why i keep comparing him to another guy


i think that its normal because you keep remembering how your first love is and those memories keep you from loving someone for who they are and not compare them to people


but dont worry its perfectly normal, over time itll fade away

Answer 2

I think that we make the mistake of creating a pattern where we keep picking the same person. Before now I've been engaged three other times, and all three times I broke off the engagement. I had to sit down and think about why that is...I realize that fiance number 3 wasn't right for me for the exact same reason as number 2 and 1. Then I had to look at myself. What all three of them had in common was me. I realized that I was choosing the wrong people and that it wasn't THEM it was me. Soul searching is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves but unfortunately it's the one thing that we rarely do. Facing the truth is hard, but so necessary. So, instead of comparing these guys to the first one - who you call a "love" thought it didn't workout and in fact you no longer even speak to - try searching yourself to see if you are even emotionally stable for a relationship. If you are, then think about the kind of guy who'll truly add to your life....it is not someone's responsibility to make you happy, that's your job. A partner should be someone who accentuates what's already there. Good luck.

Answer 3

NO definetly not! That is just a pre run for the real men to follow!