If you found out your parents where unfaithful...?

Question

My sister told me that our mother told her husband that for the first 7 years of my parents marriage that she wasn't totally faithful to our father. Now she is quite upset at our mother because we have always looked up to our parents relationship and applied their greatness to our own marriages. From what I understand she never had sex with any of these other men but did some heavy petting. If you found out through your significant other that one or both of your parents weren't totally faithful how would it change your preception of your parents?

Now they have been married for 33yrs but the first 7 she had been unfaithful and stopped when she became pregnant with my eldest sister. Would you see the last 26 yrs as a growing experience? They were 19 and 25 when married in '74.

Thak you for some of your preceptions on this. I still respect my parents because they do have a great relationship its my sister who is having the issue. I have the I don't want to ask because what I don't need or want to know won't hurt me. My mom and sister are the ones who are closest and she is hurt because my mom told her husband this stuff and didn't confide in her with the info. Either way we both have great marriages and I still look up to them but I need advice to give her.

Answer 1

She was young and she made some mistakes, but she learned and went on to have a good relationship. The good thing is that your parents worked through it and they didn't bring you girls into it, and you had a good childhood.

It was obviously another mistake your mother made by telling your sister's husband about it in the first place. I'd wonder why she told him (instead of her), but I can only imagine that she felt she needed to tell someone and he was a listening ear, and possibly someone who wouldn't judge her. The other reason could have been because she wanted your sister to know, but didn't know how to tell her. She felt she needed to get it out, because of her own guilt.

It will do your sister absolutely NO GOOD to dwell on this. There is nothing she can do about it, except to make your mother's life - and her own - miserable. I hope you can help them see that this doesn't matter now, and that your mother is human and made a mistake.

Answer 2

There are a lot of mistakes that parents make that they don't discuss with the children because they would see the parents as less than perfect, but as you point out, our mistakes are our learning tools. Some parents have had problems with alcohol or drugs, or unfaithfulness. But if they have worked together to overcome these issues and have become a stronger marital unit because of it you should still use your parents marriage as a role model for your own, maybe even more so now that you know it wasn't always perfect, because most marriages aren't perfect and need work. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 3

You mother admitted her marriage wasn't perfect but she and your father worked at it and stayed together for 33 years. I know that it is upsetting to your but your parents are human too.

Remember it could always be worse, my parents divorced because of my father's adultery and then when my father remarried he would take me and my siblings on summer vacations WITH his various mistresses. He used us kids as an excuse to get away from my step-mother and as a result cause her to be jealous and hostile towards us. He never stopped cheating to this day. It made me very angry and I had a very turbulant relationship with my father, but eventually I had to come to the adult realization that I can't change the things my father did in the past nor can I control his actions now. All I can do is learn from them and not repeat his mistakes. Once I came to the realization the anger I carried towards him went away and our realtionship improved.

Answer 4

This is a rhetorical question. You already know that there's really nothing you can DO about it. Are you just trying to decide how you should feel about it? It's clear, your "significant other" either did or didn't realize this was going to rile you up or upset you. But what our parents did before we were raised just simply doesn't matter. Especially on this scale. My perception wouldn't be changed, yours isn't, you don't really care ,do you?

Answer 5

My parents seperated when I was 11. I found out my mom was sleeping with her married boss when I was 13. That man was her boss since I was 2. She swears she didn't cheat on my dad, but I know she did. His wife finally found out and kicked him out... so he now lives with my mom. Thank god I was able to move out. It has definitely changed my perception of my parents. I have lost respect for my mom and gained respect for my dad.

Your parents stayed together, which means they worked through the problem. Your dad has forgiven your mom and so should you...

Answer 6

That is between your parents and their still together. You should still love and respect them. You don't know what the circumstances were back then. Parents are imperfect too......Just let it go

Answer 7

Angry to begin with but then, I got over it (I was still a child at the time). The past needs to be left where it belongs....in the past.

Answer 8

If I loved my parents, and they have been together for that long, it wouldn't change my perception of them at all. Besides, it wouldn't really be my business.

Answer 9

It wouldn't it's not my issue or my relationship It's my parents and if they don't care why should I

Answer 10

in oyur case that would be for you to think about. Iv'e been through it and i look neither at my mother diffrent.