Do my parents deserve my forgiveness for abandoning me when I was a baby?

Question

When I was born, my paternal grandmother asked my parents to take care of me, and since at the time my parents had just started their business, they agreed to let her take care of me temporarily. After one year, my parents' financial situation got so much better that they felt it was time to take me back. But my grandmother didn't want to let me go, she was a mean unhappy selfish woman, she hated her husband, she had no friends, and she felt her children didn't love her, so when I was born she saw me as the thing to fill the hole in her life. She threatened my parents that she would kill herself if I was taken away from her, so my parents let her keep me even though they both knew what she was like. I had the most terrible childhood. I wasn't physically abused, but I was mentally and emotionally. My grandmother would tell me that the reason I was with her was because my parents didn't want me. She would tell me to beat my younger brothers or yelled back at my parents,

and since I believed her, I did. As a result, I became the black sheep in my family. I became someone who was just like her, negative, weak and selfish. Last year I became a parent myself, and it made me realize why I am the way I am. I confronted my parents about it, about how they took no responsibility of raising me, how they let my grandmother raised me even though they knew exactly what she was like. I would never let someone who's so emotionally unstable and suicidal to raise my child. They did apologize, but they said I am old enough now not to blame them for the way I am now. I am so angry at my parents. I learnt so many bad traits from my grandmother, traits that I've tried my whole life to change. Can I really change? I do believe childhood shapes the way we are when we become adults. And do my parents deserve my forgiveness?

Answer 1

It's very unfortunate that your parents didn't stand up to your grandmother when you were a baby. I'm sure they are sorry for their inaction, but in a way they are correct in saying that you shouldn't blame them, now that you are an adult. I don't say this to minimize what they did or didn't do when you were little, I say it for you. When it comes to your own parenting, your own being....blaming your upbringing will only slow your process of healing from your childhood. Mental and emotional abuse is still just as much abuse as physical...sometimes it's even worse. When you are able to really forgive your parents, you will be able to let go and feel better yourself. When you forgive someone, It doesn't mean you have to condone whatever they did, it just means you recognize that they made a mistake, and they are sorry for it. You sound very intelligent when it comes to figuring out people and what makes them tick physiologically...so don't let your anger get the best of you. You have the right to be hurt and angry...but don't let it rule your life, or the life of your children. I really hope you can forgive your parents for your sake...and forgive your grandmother too, since it sounds like she was not quite right mentally. You can learn from your experiences and turn a bad situation into something better in the future...for you and your husband and children.

Answer 2

that's no longer a query. you have a accountability in the direction of -your self- to settle for how your mothers and dads are. no longer on your mothers and dads, yet for your self. this form you will properly be optimistic your babies will study out of your procedures and be a forgiving individual. You too could have the skill to deal with plenty extra complicated circumstances and to offer suggestion to those that went during a similar issues you probably did. it style of feels impossible especially circumstances, yet try analyzing 'Loving what's' and 'The artwork' via Byron Katie. I did it.

Answer 3

There are three people other than yourself involved in this equation.

All three of these people are protecting their interests ahead of your own.

Unless you wish to delve into alleged criminal undertones I would concentrate on your duties as a parent without using your past as a base reference point.

Enjoy being a parent and follow your heart and not that of the hearts of others.

What is more important is to forgive yourself so that you have the constitution adequate for parenting.

Answer 4

You odn't have to have a close relationship with your parents, but forgiving them may be the first step toward recovery.
Go to counseling. You want to be a better person, that is the most important thing!

Answer 5

You deserve to not walk around with hate eating at your heart.
You don't have to let these people in on your resolve to let it go, however.
I can barely forgive certain lesser things that resulted in the same basic bad childhood and emotional hell. I can't imagine this.

Answer 6

how old are you now? if your old enough to understand what happened when you were young talk to your parents now, your grand mother is just that, but your mom and dad are your parents,would yourgrandmother really do that to herself or is she sayin that just to keep you.did yor parents abuse you or is that what she says.find out if its true stay with your grand mother

Answer 7

i wouldnt forgive them if they knew wat she was like an that she was threatenin to kill her self that would make me think that she is dangerous an i certainly wouldnt like to have ma baby round her..they are sick for putting you in that much danger they could have got the police or takin her to court an i doubt she would have went through with the suicide attempt.

Answer 8

yes, they do. I only know of one perfect person and He was resurrected. Let it go and focus on setting a better example toy your own kid.

Answer 9

YES, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.....