My boyfriend has two wonderful children which neither of them are mine. I love him and simply adore them. I'm just worried if/when we get married that things will spiral out of control with them. If anyone has had this problem or something close to it, help would be greatly appreciated!
2007-03-12 02:52:21 · 10 answers · asked by Country Chick87 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am the child (now 24) of a step mom. My step mom started off doing really well with my brother and I when we were younger. When we turned about 6 she started to distance herself from us. I think that as long as you spend quality time with them-sometimes just you and them, continually show interest in them, and buy them things every now and then they'll you'll be fine. My step mom didn't do any of these things and I've been affected by it. I was to clean the whole house, was never played with and never bought any new clothes - just had hand me downs and all of this made me feel unloved. Plus do female things with them if one is a girl. Paint toenails, bring her bra shopping eventually- don't leave that up to your boyfriend! Expect them to say at least once "you're not my mom you can't tell me what to do" Remember they are kids and WILL hurt your feelings b/c they don't think as much about you and your situation. Remember that they most likely will rebel and be wild at times(step mom or no step mom). Just continually show them you love them and you will be fine. It sounds as though you're on the right track already. Good luck!
2007-03-12 03:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had a step-Father and the best thing that he did was try to find common interests with me...He Seemed genuinely interested in my life and my well being! Whenever he came home from work and saw me he would ask me what I had Learned at school that day! I always thought that was really nice! Some days when I learned something really interesting I would be SO excited Just for him to come home so I could tell him what I had learnt! No One else ever asked me that question! And he never failed to ask it!
After a few years I FELT he was my father...
The best thing you can do is to Care about them and show them how much you Love them!
Be Natural! From the sounds of it you have a HUGE heart and that is all you need!! Love and respect in a family are the most important things!
2007-03-12 07:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by January00 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking from a childs perspective (as I have a step father) - the best thing he did for me was not try and take my fathers place. There is nothing worse then a step parent zooming in on that and unless you are left in charge or all three adults agree to it, rather leave the discipline to their parents. I'm not saying let them walk all over you but on the major issues rather take a back seat as they will start disliking you. If you feel you must say something rather do it when they kids are not around
2007-03-12 03:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by CLEVER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If/When you two get married there will be some tension at first the kids will think that you are trying to replace their mother all you can do is reassure them that you are not and show them lots and lots of love and if the 2 of you have a baby don't treat the new baby better because it belongs to the 2 of you.
2007-03-12 02:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a stepdaughter to a man that has raised me since I was a toddler. What I have learned from this is that you treat the children like they are your's. Do not feel pressured to do anything you wouldn't do with your children, but make sure that you let them know that you love them and would help and do anything for them. Encourage them to do their best. How they turn out, or how they react is entirely up to how you help raise them (minus the rebellious years)
2007-03-12 03:00:54 · answer #5 · answered by Meredith 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Usuall step children hate their parents because they replace their mother/fathers but a good way to keep up with them is by having good relations, with their parents!! Also try creating fun activities with thema nd try to be a role-model!! They will love you!! ; )
2007-03-12 03:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont know if you are good parent no one does. But you can better focus on being a good person. My kids teach me how to be a parent without them I wouldnt know how to be a parent at all.Try beleiving in them and being a good person to yourself and the kids will ultimately see this in you and want that for what it is ...love...and understanding...Good Luck!
2007-03-12 03:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start by being a good person,,,the rest will follow,,it may not always be great, no family is, but do your best to make them feel comfortable around you and you'll do fine.
2007-03-12 02:56:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This must be one of the biggest worries to us step-parents.
First rule - Always be yourself.
If they still live with there mum and they come to stay with you let them know u you may do things differently to there mum so let them fit into your life.
2007-03-12 03:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by ashymojo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have an experience myself. But, I think you will be just fine. Asking this question shows that you care which means you'll try your best. Good luck!
2007-03-12 03:01:22 · answer #10 · answered by Princess of Egypt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋