How can I encourage my partner to live a healthier lifestyle?

Question

My partner of several years has always been a smoker, drinks heavily (not binges, but a bottle of wine to himself most nights), lives off snacks rather than eating proper meals, won't eat most fruit or veg, and rarely exercises.
It's always worried me, particularly as at 35 he already has a history of DVT and is overweight, but I've never bothered him about it because I realise it's his choice and don't want to nag.
Recently he has been told by the doctor that his blood pressure is very high and this worries me.
. I tried to speak to him about it but I got a mix of excuses (he doesn't have time to eat proper meals, and doesn't like the stir fries and other healthy food I cook) denial (his job gives him enough exercise, red wine is good for you) andplain refusal ( he enjoys a smoke).
I know ultimately I can't make him, but I'm worried. What can I do to push him gently towards making changes without being a nagging tyrant?

Answer 1

Oh dear.
One thing in isolation is not too worrying, but the lot put together is a different story.
The 'safe' drinking guide is 21 units a week for a man - or 3 glasses of wine a day. There are 6 glasses in a bottle. But although this sounds double the safe limit, it is far from excessive. I know many people who drink a bottle of wine a day and they are perfectly healthy and normal.
The food is a more difficult matter. By late teenage, our diets are pretty much decided. Any change to his eating must be subtle and gentle. I would concentrate on this rather than try to make him eat fruit and veg.
The smoking needs a doctors help. It is an addiction, but he can get free patches or gum - and support - on the NHS. Don't expect him to give up the first time. I have tried 3 times - 6 months, 7 months, then 5 months. I still went back, but will keep trying. A smoker doesn't need telling his habit is bad and dangerous. My wife and I cut down from 20 to 10 a day by putting the £4 a day we save in a jar, then put the money to a long holiday abroad - try that.
Nagging is no answer, as you say, and he will just ignore it. But women have more subtle ways of putting things into a man's mind. Use your wile!
I can't see you getting any real constructive answer to this tricky problem.
But good luck..........

Answer 2

Look for a TFT therapist , they can give you great advice.

This sounds like a " reversal" and a Thought Field Therapist might be able to help if the client is willing to listen.

Maybe you could keep a food diary of his food and drink intakes per week, then do what Gillian McKeith does and put all that food in a pile on the table and work out how much fat he puts into his body and buy that much lard and put that on a table.

Do the same with salt, then have the amounts he should be eating next to it so he can see the difference. You may not get an instant result but visual effects are a lot more shockinig than listening to a voice going on at you.

He might act like he doesnt care but he wont be able to erase the images, then mix all that fat with his favourite food until it all becomes a disgusting mush, in fact get him to do it so he sees what is going into his stomach.

Its a slightly suggestive technique, and as he does it, put your hand on his arm and say "This food is disgusting"

Do this a few times and this will make a subconcious hypnotic suggestion that he will think of when he goes to eat this food again.

At the end, get him to put it all in a huge bucket and watch the red wine and fat floating around, remind him that this must be what his arteries look like.

also, tell him a glass or two is good for you but not a whole bottle.

This will either frighten the pants of him or make him very hungry ;0) but either way its worth a go!
Good luck!

Answer 3

I would down load an article about unhealthy lifestyles and the what tolls such a regime can have on a persons health.

He already has high blood pressure so chances are he has high cholestrol levels already. Does he really want to be dead by the time her reached his late 40's as that sounds like
that is the way he is heading.

Can you not suggest that you both take up a hobby that would include exercise such as badminton or good old hill walking. This way you would both benefit from a healthy lifestyle as he would soon be wanting to eat good wholesome food after a walk.

Remind him that his recent DVT was a wake up call and that you are not nagging only concerned about his long term health and survival. However, you are right you cannot make him, but you can sow the seeds in his mind by giving him an article to read.

I know what I am talking about as your man sounds like mind was 10yrs ago. He took someone elses advice though not mine and he stopped smoking ( 8 yrs ago),plays badminton twice a week since he discovered that he had suffered a silent hard attack 8years ago. Is on Lipitor (statins) his cholestrol down to an acceptable level. Though he gets tired easily his health has improved greatly since he took the responsibility of his health in his own hands.

He eats well (healthy eating) watches his weight and but
also enjoys a few pints.

Why is it that men think we nag though I have come to this conclusion that men think we are a Mother figure when we show concern rather than the person they love and bascially they do not want to be mothered just loved and pampered...just like us females.

So we have use all our female ways to get the message across don't you think.. Hey all the best in your quest.

Answer 4

You have gotten good advice from others there is more little I can think of.

Maybe he is just "scared" to fail if he changes some of his life habits. Deciding on a specific fitness plan (diet & exercise) where he will drop out and look and feel as a loser could be a reason for his denial as you say. I do not know, but think about this posibility.

Do not try to change everything at the same time. Invite him over to walk with you a while every evening (or when suitable), because you enjoy his company and feel much happier and better if he goes and walks with you and have the time to chat and be together. This might help him do it, since he is making it for you, (and not for him).

Maybe, have some friends invite him to do some exercise. Nothing hard, just walks, or a sport he enjoys, maybe even bowling or something. He might feel he needs to improve his fitness as he goes out with his friends, to be up to par with them. (One friend could be enough).

A serious talk, without the nagging and making him feel bad or that he is being scolled could help. Tell him you love him and are worried about him. Make it a lovable talk and not a nagging one.

Hope some of this ideas can be of help. Lucky he, because he has someone like you that worries about him.

Luck!

Answer 5

I am male and 49 years old. My wife faced the same issues as you. First of all it is not going to be an easy task and settle in for a long journey toward behavior modification. Get and read the book by Dr. Memit Oz (sorry for the spelling) called "You the Owners Manual". This is a common sense approach to health, nothing strange or outrageous about his recommendations. He also appears on Oprah frequently. Set the example yourself, if you have not already done so. It looks as if he is going to have a significant life changing event, what that event is who knows. Myself, I just got tired of taking pills, unable to tie my shoe laces, always out of energy, terrible sex life, and just plain miserable. I now go to spinning classes 4 times a week, work out the other 3 and ride my bicycle in the summer instead of spinning. I do not take any medications, my endurance is incredible and sex same. I do enjoy the looks from the women now and compliments from those that support me. Again, sometimes you must be a nagging tyrant as this hurts you as well.

Answer 6

If he was 10 years older and not a drinker I would think you were talking about my partner but seriously keep nagging, my partner had an accident at work and ended up at the doctors -blood pressure to high etc, and the doc told him he was killing himself and had to do some thing- 4 weeks later his blood pressure is fine etc.,-hes not lost weight yet but starts with his personal trainer tomorrow which the doctor organised free on the NHS, so keep nagging.

Answer 7

Other than making him food (which you're already doing), and being a good example (which you're already doing) the only thing I can think of is if you suggest him taking walks with you and getting out more.

It's really frustrating, but you can't make him change. You can tell him you're worried about him, tell him that he is hurting himself and you, and offer to help- but that's pretty much it.

He's lucky to have someone like you that cares for him. Good luck.

Answer 8

Can you make stuff he likes - just healthier? Like, if he likes Mexican, make him a black bean/corn burrito on a whole wheat tortilla. Have it wrapped in Saran Wrap so he can just grab it and go.

Ask him to go for a walk with you......it really can be a chance to talk and share your day.....so its not so much like exercise but a bonding experience.

Finally, have a serious talk with him. Tell him that you hate coming off as a nag, but that its just that you love him and want to make sure youre both doing everything you can to be there for each other for a long time.

Good luck!

Answer 9

you can't. you've already tried. this man sounds like the type that won't change until he's had a stroke or heart attack. Unfortunately, it may be too late at that point. Tell him you're worried and that he should not only care about himself, he should care about you enough to change. If he doesn't change after that, you'll have to let it go or leave him.

Answer 10

The loving approach is advisable.Never ever blame him of his poor life style. And you have to join with him for exercise, make some schedule convenient for him and you. It will work.