why cant i get along with my step dad??

Question

me and my step dad just dont and cant get along!! hes like the total opposite of me and my mum keeps saying "dont treat him like crap". the littlest things trigger him. is it normal for teens to argue with step mum/dads??

Answer 1

I don't think it matters if he is your real dad or step-dad when you are a teenager. I think your mom is more defensive because he is not your real dad and she is the one who has to say something to you about it. I did not get along with my real dad as a teenager either, so I don't think that because he is your step-dad that is why you aren't getting along. This is normal. You just need to realize that you are the child and they are the adults and you need to be the one to let things go. That is just how adults are. It will be your turn one day and you will be asking why you and your child don't get along. I hope things get better for you.

Answer 2

I never had a step parent, but reading your question compelled me to give you an answer. When my oldest son was 3 (now 17), my husband adopted him. There have been problems with the way my husband would disipline him (and all our children). But now that my son is older, I can see without question the hate that he has for his "dad." It hurts me a great deal that they have never been able to get along.

The truth of the matter is, your step dad will never change. He will always be as hard to get along with. Long ago, I told my son not to argue with his "dad." No matter how unfair it may seem to be to him, there was no arguing with him. Doing this, will make his life much easier, and less horrid. Well, he never took my advice. But his siblings did. They know how to work him and live in peace with him. He is a difficult man, and granted the kids tell me everyday that they can't stand the way that he treats them, but it's just the respect that Men think they deserve. Yesterday, my son got into a big argument with his dad. And for the 'first' time ever I sat quietly in the back listening to them say horrible things to one another. For thirty minutes, they went back and forth. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I went the the two of them and gave them both a talking to.

I told my son, just like all other times; "I have told you many times before, not to fight with your dad, just do what he wants and get it over with. I have told you that doing this will make us all live in peace." Then I told my husband:
"You have spent all these years raising the kids the way that you were raised, and let me ask you? Did the way you were raised make your life any better or worse? Did your father tell you that he gave you such a terrible life so that you yourself would not have the life that he had? Do you think that in raising the kids the way you were raised is going to make them better?"
Now for the last few months me and their father have (for other reasons) been seperated. For the first time in the 15 years that we have been married, he cried.

Will it change him? NO.
Did it bother me that what was happening at that moment caused him to cry? NO.
After all these years, of my crying and begging for change. Yesterday will have made no difference in our lives.
My advice to you, is don't make your mum's marriage harder than it already is. Just do what your step father ask, and don't back talk him. Grit your teeth and go on. Your mother; I'm sure defends you in every way that she possibly can. I know that I do. I have spent all these years protecting and saving my children from his so called "wrath." I swear to you that your mum defends you every moment that she can. Just do as she says, give her the respect and happiness that she deserves. Just hold your tongue, and things will get better.

Answer 3

Sweetie, it is very normal for children to not get along with step parents, but perhaps the reason you keep butting heads with him is you are alot like him. Even children with their normal parents don't always agree and life can be a struggle for them. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like crap. Hey, he could have kicked ya to the curb along time ago but he hasn't has he? Why, cause he does care and just wants ya to instill good values in you. I know ya probably resent him, because he is not your real father, but anyone can be one of those. It takes a very special man to be a dad.You are being way to hard on him. Try to lighten up. By now ya know what triggers him.Then stop doing those things and it might get alot better. Get a piece of paper out and on one side write down his good qualities on the oother his bad, You may just be surprised the good out weighs the bad. Your Mom sounds like a very good Mom and she doesn't deserve to be hurt cause she is trying to love the both of you. You will eventually grow up and move out, but shehopefully will still be li ving with him and he will always love her. You really just want your mom to yourself. Ya don't want to share her.Ask him if he will let you watch the video movie Step Mom.Have Mum and the wicked step dad watch it together and learn from it>

Answer 4

Are you kidding? I've been arguing with my stepfather since I was 2 and now I'm 21! I think it ended when I moved out, got married and started a family of my own. I also asserted my authority over my life. Teen years was not easy because I was told horrible things to my face (you're not worth the effort, I don't want you to go to college because it's a waste of money), but I did my best to prove him wrong. I was happy and that's all that mattered to me. I didn't need anybody else to do that for me.

Answer 5

I am sure it is a 2 way street. Since I have been divorced,I have dated women with children,and have noticed that some children,(not saying you),hold resentment towards their mothers dating other men,or stepfathers,because they still hold a grudge against their mother for not repairing the relationship with their fathers.
Some men,or step fathers ,hold subtle grudges,unwarranted as that may seem or be,against the step children because they are reminders that their girlfriend or wives had relationships with other men.
This is juvenile and childish. People and relationships change ,and you have to change with them. For me,I look at children of my girlfriends,or women that I date as a part of them,and look at them as individuals and treat them as such. I have not had a problem with any children exept for one kid,but he had drug problems,and other mental issues that I had no control over,and his mother also had alcohol /drug issues,so I ended the relationship anyway based on that.
You sound at least that you are trying to mend some kind of relationship with your step dad.
Try and find some common ground that the both of you are interested in ,like music perhaps,or sports.

Answer 6

Maybe you each are jealous of one another! You both love the same person and want the affection from her. He came into a relationship with your Mom, that you were already in. He enters the picture and the scene changes! There is bound to be conflict! You both have to make up your minds to get along with one another, for the sake of the household!

Answer 7

Well, yeah its normal. Especially teens. The instinctive thought to a step mom or dad is that they seem to be replacing the old one. That is not the case, thought. It takes time and a lot of patience to accept and get along with each other. If yo uare willing, though, you can do it, if yo uso badly want to get along with him.

Answer 8

Some of them miss their real parents.So they try to do it on purpose.In your case you must try to get along.Your step-father isn't the same blood as yours.Some times the case might be both of you are jealous of each other.Otherwise it's your step dad's fault.He might be thinking that his partner spends too much of time with you.

Answer 9

Yes, it is normal. Just try to get along. You will be dealing with people like him for the reat of your life.

Answer 10

i'm a stepdad,i get treat horrible by my stepdaughter and ive tried so hard.i'm not trying to replace anybody,we cant but you stepkids resent this.she also thinks i'm trying to take her mum away and admitted shes jealous,no amount of reassurance works.you make life extremely hard for us stepparents