Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men - most of them are do-it-yourself types.
Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
Sadly, all men are created equal.
2007-03-12 00:38:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Pretty good but I like this one better It's 30 ways to keep your girl happy:
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for *******.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's ***. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her our jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).
21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can.
26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, then don't call.
**
27. When your in bed cuddling, fart, then hold her head under the covers. Girls love sharing personal and private things.
28. Open the door for her (pretending like your a gentelman), Then as she walks by, smack her *** and push her through the door. This will create cognitive dissonance in her.
29. Make her a nice dinner, then pass her a salt shaker which you have unscrewed the cap of. Then as she pours salt all over her dinner, point and laugh at her. Keep eating, occasionally looking up and chuckling at her.
30. 'accidentally' call her sisters name out in bed. Then say, "Thats what I'm calling you from now on."
2007-03-12 00:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by Nehru 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
very funny but Im still thinking of that fried egg in virgin olive oil
2007-03-12 07:43:44 · answer #2 · answered by kicking_back 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is also clever....truthful....and alittle naughty! i'm still liking it good job to keep me interested for this long.
2007-03-19 20:35:07 · answer #3 · answered by jo.joggers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, some are created more than others.......LOL
2007-03-19 21:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Beeeej 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was a good one
2007-03-12 07:56:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny
2007-03-17 05:44:46 · answer #6 · answered by Cleopatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will never now how true this is lol
2007-03-12 09:16:07 · answer #7 · answered by rob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i completely agree with ALL of those statements!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-19 18:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think I'm gonna pass that one on. Thanks!
2007-03-20 03:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by Round mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋