not my fault so why do i feel so bad?

Question

i was in a car accident last week when a bloke was speeding and crashed in to me , and i feel so bad i just cant pick myself up i feel down all the time i feel totaly useless,my partner turned up at the site and he was so angry because the car was a mess, he did not even ask if i was ok or give me a cuddle and i needed one being in such shock , wots wrong with me i feel so down i have lost my confidence within myself but why this is not my doing

Answer 1

Hi mum,
I was in a motorbike accident a few months ago: one of my best friends offered me a lift home after an 18 hours shift at work and I accepted. he didn't have a spare helmet so let me have his, tho i protested. it was nearing 2am and extremely cold, and we suddenly hit a corner that he'd forgotten about. the mist was so thick he couldn't have seen it. we went straight into a tree and the force was so great it snapped his neck immediately. i blanked out and came to about 45 minutes later; i was trapped underneath the bike, with hot liquid dripping onto my leg, the engine still going. i looked around and could just see my friend legs, he was lying in the middle of the road, on of his legs so badly twisted i could see a dark patch where bloood had soaked through his leather trousers. he was so lucky he was wearing a hi-vis jacket cos a car came round the corner at high speed but stopped just inches away from him.
i was in hospital for 6 weeks; both my legs crushed from the weight of the bike, my left hand mangled and unable to be used. i had thirteen operations on my and and twelve on my left leg to save them both. my friend's still in hospital. he opened his eyes and almos smiled for the first time yesterday and i couldn't stop crying. if he hadn't given me his helmet he wouldn't be lying in that bed, so pale and thin he looks like a skeleton. the doctors say he should be able to talk withn a week or so; but the haven't broken the new to him yet that he might never be able to use his hands or legs again.
for the first three weeks after i remembered what had happened, i blamed myself; i curled up in the duvet in the bed and refused to talk to anyone, refused to think about anything other thn the fact that itwas my fault. i hated myself and wanted to end it all.
i woke up one morning two weeks ago and somebody had left a book beside my bed. it was called 'feel the fear... and do it anyway'. i sat up in bed for the first time and read it fro cover to cover. i ate all my food without even noticing and i used my left hnd. it was curld into a fist and i only used it to hold the page down but i used it.
the book made me think. okay yes; it feels like it was my fault because my friend's in hospital with major injuries, yes im in immense pain and just want to be left alone... but look at all the people that im hurting by feeling and being like this...
my mum hadn't leftmy bedside for more than ten minutes since shed travelled 350 miles to be with me; and she begged me every day to open my eyes, to look at her, to smile and show her that im still here. every hour that passed thatiw asn't responding, she despaired and anguish bit away at her more.
the book was incredible- an absolute awakening, and when mum came back into the room i opened my arms and gave her a cuddle.
since then ive gradually gotte bettter and better. yes, there are days that are hard; sometimes i just dont want to open my eyes; others i want everyone and everything to go away. i know i make it hard for the people that love me because they're here for me and trying to help me, yet i can't seem to stop. but i am getting better. i watched a programme on tv yesterday about young children in africa- so many thousand and thousands of people who are so uch worse of than me, and it really made me think. what right do i have to mope around and feel sorry for myself? i till have my life and my family and they still love me.
every morning, when i wake up, the first thing i do is go to the mirror. it's in the bathroo which is about three doors down the hallway from my room, and because my leg is in plaster and cast and bandages, i have to use a walking stick, so it takes me forever. but i do it. i stand in front of the mirror, with my bed hair and my 5 year old comfy flannel pyjamas and i just stare at myself. the left hand side of my face is still covered inscratches and bruises- my left eye is still quite swollen and bumped and my chin jut looks black from the scar left on it. but i don't care. i'll spend 5, 10, 15 minutes in there, just staring at my face, my hand and into my eyes. and i repeat to myself,
'it doesn't matter what others think or what others say or what others do. i'm a strong, beautiful individual and i'm happy to be alive.'
as many times as i feel it necessary i'll say those words aloud, because it's true.
i have just these words of advice for you, mum;
you are not useless; you are not a horrible person and you are not sick. you are a strong, wonderful human being and you are an incredible person. nobody ever has the right to make you feel like you're not supposed to be here.
the most uplifting thing you can wear is a smile, and i ask you to do this. just smile at yourself, every time you pass a window or a mirror; stop, take a deep breath and smile. it';s a incredible thing and it makes others do so too.
if your partner was more concerned about the car than you, then you're with the wrong guy, babe. you need to stand up for youself and tell him to get the hell out because he doesn't deserve you. believe me, i know how hard this is for yu, i know how hard it can be to get your lif eback together after something like this happens, but there are people out here who do care and do want to help.
smile huni, cos you deserve to.
i wish you all the luck and all the happiness in the world my darling, and if you want to talk to anyonw, im here.
my msn add is [e-mail]
just email me and we'll chat.
friendship, trust and love always
indie
xxxxx

Answer 2

Its is a reaction triggered of by the accident. You feel down partly beacuse of what happened and the shock and partly because of the way you have been treated. Your partner could and should have been a little more supportive, after all it was an accident, ok so the cars a mess, you can alswys get a new car, you cant get a new person. You need to accept that it has happened and that , is that, its done. May be talk with your partner about his negative attidtude, and slowly the feelings will pass. However you do need to get back out there on road as the longer you leave it the harder it will be!
Good luck

Answer 3

I think you might feel so bad because of the shock of getting in a car accident and having nobody there to offer support.
It might help if you get back on the road again and prove to yourself that you are a good driver and that it wasn't your fault. You are driving safely and providing a safe environment for everyone out there, whether walking or driving. If i were you I would confront my partner and tell them that you felt neglected and insecure whenever they showed up without seeming to care about your well-being and only the car's.
Your partner probably has a reasonable explaination for their behaviour. Otherwise, you should seriously consider the strength of your relationship.

Answer 4

Feeling bad about something like that in your case l read alot of events at once the shock of someone crashing into you and not taking responsibility made you feel bad at the same time the response of your partner of seeing more value on the car other than care if you were hurt which is naturally more important,it seems you have a nice heart but people take advantage search that part of yourself there's more where this is coming from..this is my opinion

Answer 5

You are feeling down and depressed probably because you didnt get any attention, affection from your man.

Think he brings you down probably and I would be thinking twice about being with a guy who cares more for the car than his girlfriend.

You are also probably still in shock from the crash as well.

Talk things over with a close friend or family as dont think your partner will be all too sympathetic with you.

Poor you :-(((( Hope you feel better soon!

Answer 6

Its just all coming in at you at once, i was like this after i had a car accident. But unlike your partner mine came to see if i was ok not the CAR!! His attitude towards you has affected you also. Not only are you dealing with constantly thinking about the accident you could you have done something differently!! but your also now questioning your relationship!!

And trust me by the sounds of things his not worth it!!
You couldn't have done anything differently, the accident was not your fault and at least your ok that's all that matters you can buy another vehicle but your un-replaceable.

Answer 7

What a bastard! ok bein fair my partner his car is his pride n joy if i was in an accident he would care about if i was ok esp if it wasnt my fault but if it was my fault n i was ok he would go mad lol but i cant believe he didnt even see if u were ok the cheek of it!!! my partner once was worried as i was nearly in an accident not so long ago the car infront hit a guy on a motorbike i had nothing to do with it but my partner was still worried god seriously sit him down n tell him that was so selfish of him to put the car before u!

Answer 8

Probably because of the reaction of your partner. What an **** hole. Dump him and find someone who cares about you not the bloody car. The crash was not your fault, you may still be suffering shock from the accident, but don't feel guilty. Go out with friends and cheer yourself up. You deserve it.

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry too much, you've just got a case of Post Traumatic Stress syndrome. It'll pass shortly and you'll be back to you old self. It's very common after car accidents.
I think that the real problem here is your partner. The first thing he should of done is hugged you and checked you were alright. I'm worried that his immediate worry was the car. Are you sure that he's the man for you?

Answer 10

your probably still in shock seeing as youv had no comfort from the one person you expect bit from,mayb your feeling down because youv realised your relationship is not the one you hoped for. try talking to your partner if hes not supporting get rid and start again,remeber the accident could of been a lot worse,is this a wake up call??you deserve better

Answer 11

You were traumatized by the accident and the person who should have been supportive wasn't....thus further trauma.

It's natural to have some post-accident blues. What you need to do is talk this through with someone, in person. It doesn't have to be a shrink, just someone with some good sense who cares about you. I would suggest that it not be your partner, since you'll need to discuss his response as part of this.

You're okay. You just need to talk this through.