i keep wanting everything i do to be perfect.when things dont go as planned i blame and hate everything around me.what should i do?
2007-03-11 23:40:04 · 7 answers · asked by Iane S 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I don't think we perfectionists can be "cured" per se. I have lived with this for 55 years now. What I can say from my vaunted position, is we can learn how to rationally understand when perfectionism is running us, and when are employing it.
Ah, that sounds so simple, doesn't it?
What has been the most help to me is taking psychology courses, reading psychology books I thought might help, lots of discussions with friends and co-workers, and trying to apply the lessons to my life. I had to re-read several books, and I was surprised to see things on my re-read I didn't take in on my first read. Then, I watched people.
I asked myself, "How are they like I am?" "How is what they are doing working for them?" I watched closely for what I needed to copy, and especially what I needed to eliminate.
I replaced the word "perfectionist" with the concepts of self imporvement, striving for better performance, and the understanding that NO ONE is perfect, nor can we be perfect. I taught myself to accept that. In turn, that allowed me to accept others when they were not perfect, and to identify in myself when the feeling of needing to be perfect was feuling my actions and thoughts so I could mentally stop and "calm the storm."
When I changed the concept of expectation of perfection from myself and others to striving to greater achievement, the effect became inspiration to myself and others. It seemed like such a minor change, but the result changed my purpose, opened my eyes. This did take time and work, and it always will.
Something else I strugle with that I sense in your question is frustration. That's pretty common in perfectionists. We just can't BE perfect, so less than that is so dissatisfying to us. Part of the work we must do on ourselves is to begin turning around the self-loathing; turning it into self-praise for what we have accomplished. This means we must learn where our unrealistic expectations are causing trouble, and re-form them into realistic expectations.
We must understand what a particular task requires, how difficult it is, what is realistic to believe we can accomplish the first try and beyond that. Then, no matter how synthetic and artificial it sounds at first say to yourself, "The next time I hope to be even better."
Whenever we find ourselves grumbling about conditions around us, or starting to belittle ourselves, we must STOP that voice, and pay ourselves a compliment. This works. It's part of my daily routine.
2007-03-12 00:28:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chill Out!!! Remember that no one is perfect. If we were perfect, we would not blame ourselves when things don't go as planned.
2007-03-12 06:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by All Natural Honey 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As with most mental health issues, you have 2 choices:
1) Meds.
2) Pull yourself together.
2007-03-12 06:43:28 · answer #3 · answered by silospen 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
LIGHTEN UP
start recognizing what aspects in life you can control and what fyou can't. FOcus on the solutions to what you can and leave what you can't alone
remember: we can't choose exactly what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to what happens to us.........
go read a Dr. Phil book (self matters or life laws or lessons or something liket hat should help)..;.
2007-03-12 06:58:53 · answer #4 · answered by jennainhiding 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is something in your life that you feel is not in control. Figure out what that is, and try to relax a bit on yourself.
2007-03-12 06:47:33 · answer #5 · answered by T Time 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make the difference what is important to be perfect,and is it depending only about you
2007-03-12 07:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by Srbo Sutaric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get on with life ,whether you like it or not we cant be perfect at everything
2007-03-12 06:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by fatdadslim 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋