Back in November I found out from my sister that my daughter (then 16) came to her fearing she was pregnant. A pregnancy test was neg. My daughter didn't want me knowing for fear that I would tell her dad (we're separated & the kids live with him for financial & other reasons) & she would lose access to her b/f. This happened during a time when her father let her b/f stay the night, which is a scenario I was against but ultimately had no choice in.
Despite my sister trying to encourage her to talk to me so that I could talk w/her openly about it & get her on protection, she did not. I was finally able to arrange a doc appt this past Friday for the main purpose of getting her an Orthopedic specialist referral for her knees. I sat down w/her the night before & let her know the other reason for this appt & that it was her responsibility to let her dad know what & why. She told him today & while he's understandly angry, he feels I went behind his back. Was how I handled this wrong?
2007-03-11 23:10:43 · 14 answers · asked by Lucy_Fur 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
More detail - This is specifically about pregnancy prevention via birth control. Prevention of communicable diseases goes hand-in-hand with that, but I tell you what - condoms break. For sure, I let her know that if she's now abstaining, which I told her would be very good, that this is certainly not me saying "Go for it!" it's me saying that if she decides to go for it, I'm going to protect as much as I can & that's to see that she doesn't get pregnant and the secondary protections (from disease) have to be done by her with a condom. Her & her b/f are each others first, so the margin for disease communicability at this stage is minimal, but can't be ignored.
It was a hard choice for me to handle it this way because I felt her father should know since she lives with him and because he is ('was' now? heh) still letting her b/f stay the night, which is a practice I also told her she should expect to cease as a logical result of her father now knowing.
2007-03-11 23:30:23 · update #1
No i don't think you handled it wrong, your not with her father anymore and he didn't feel the need to take your advice on letting your daughters b/f stay the night. he sounds pretty irresponsible and naive to allow for something like that to take place.
2007-03-11 23:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by mtm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong. It is far better to have your daughter protected than to have her wind up pregnant, with AIDS or herpes or some other horrible disease. Fear and ignorance is not the answer, as her father seems to want to do. Education and safety are paramount. You did a good thing to protect your daughter!
Not only that, but a teenage girl would feel much more comfortable ( generally) talking about such things with her mother than her father. She needs to be able to talk to you and have a sense of trust and openess, so you did not do anything wrong by not telling her dad.
2007-03-11 23:20:17 · answer #2 · answered by bambi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you sound like the most responsible of the two parents. How can her father allow the b/f to stay the night and NOT expect sexual activity? He is either completed deluded or just plain an idiot. He should have been making sure that she was protected in the first place. He didn't so you had to step in and make sure it was done. You sound like a caring Mother to me who is doing her best to protect her daughter while at the same time not completely alienating her at the expense of your relationship with her.
Good job Mom!
2007-03-12 03:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you done the right thing. No daughter is wanting to go to their father and say look dad i am having sex and i think you need to take me to get on birth control.
If she would have talked to him about it first it is untelling how it would have went. She also told your sister first because she was scared to tell you.
I think that it is great that she has taken on the responsibility to use birth control and condoms.
It is better that she is on which ever birth control she is on than to be pregnant at age 16/17.
I myself started having sex when i was 16 and i took myself to the doctor and got on birth control. I am still with my first. We have been together for almost 12 years (Married for one year) and have a 5 year old son together.
My mom knew i was going and she was glad that i was adult enough to protect myself from pregnancy. My daddy however did not know which i didn't think he needed to know.
A father though isn't stupid they can figure that is what is going on when their daughters are having boyfriends and going out.
You were not wrong in doing what you done. You are keeping your daughter from being a teenage mom and just imagine how her dad would have reacted to her being pregnant.
This is what i preach on here is if your going to have sex get on birth control.
Good luck
2007-03-12 01:38:02 · answer #4 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I don't understand "This happened during a time when her father let her b/f stay the night, which is a scenario I was against but ultimately had no choice in." If it were MY daughter you bet your sweet bippy I'd have a choice in it...I'd be talking to my lawyer and to the judge about aiding in the delinquency of a minor (MY daughter) and there would be no way in hell I would allow it. IF I didn't have the means to care for her I would have the court put her into foster care because obviously her father was putting her in a position no 16 year old needs to be in she was a minor.
2007-03-12 00:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO, I think you did the right thing forsure, he should understand that it is embaressing for his daughter as well, and she needs to know she can always trust you, that was a bond between you and your daughter, maybe your husband just didn't realize that, maybe you didn't realize that, but to your daughter, she will always remember what you did for her. My mom did the same for me when I was young I trust her with anything I have. She's my best friend, and without her doing those kinds of things for me, I really don't know where I would be today, Moms are the best, Dads are to, but some things just require mom a little more... Good Luck I'm sure your daughter will Thank you some day as I did my mom....
2007-03-11 23:18:58 · answer #6 · answered by sunnydays 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, not really. You're her mum. She can't go to her dad about that stuff can she??? I know when I lost my virginity a year and a half ago, I openly told my mum, cause I she's a woman, and knows about things. My dad still thinks I'm a virgin. Yew did the right thing. Her dad doesnt have to know things like that. I'm pretty sure he wou;d have prefered it if he never found out lol. Plus, if your daughter didn;t want yew to know, I'm pretty damn sure she wouldn't have wanted her father to know. So doing what she had wanted and not telling her dad before the appointment was for the best. He'll get over it soon. He can't expect his daughter to stay a virgin forever. Women have needs too.
2007-03-11 23:17:07 · answer #7 · answered by ` [ [ E l i e B e a n ] ] ; ; 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While I do think that it is very young for her to be having sex (I'm not judging her its just a personal opinion)...I only have one thing to say... she's really blessed to have you as a mum. My mom did this for me when she found out...years ago now..that I had started to have sex...and while my dad was absolutely fuming... it was a good decision. I think my mom figured that if I was going to have sex before marriage then I should at least protect myself.
I respect the fact that you've explained all the things that go with starting to have sex.
2007-03-12 05:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are absolutly right. You have a chance to see your child and having contact with them is essential. Explain to her the ramifications of teenage pregnacy. Help her make wise choices, do not force her to make bad ones based on your demands.
2007-03-11 23:20:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard because you don't want your 'baby' having sex. But when my daughter grows up I hope that she is comfortable talking to me about it. Again, not wanting it to happen but knowing that more than likely it will.
It is better to be safe than sorry - especially at that age!
2007-03-11 23:35:47 · answer #10 · answered by hottee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋