There this guy I like alot and we're great friends and can talk about anything and everything, we even live next door to each other, anyways, his girlfriend of 4 years died 3 years ago, he hasnt dated anyone else since and is still very upset daily over it,...he gives signs that hes interested in me like that, but i think he feels almost guilty, its like we both like each other but his gf is preventing us both from pursuing anything (she really was a great fantastic woman, I only knew her in passing, but from what he says..wow..she was great) Anyways, should i pursue it w/ him? I mean its been 3 years, right?..or is that being completely insensitive? I dont think he'll ever pursue it, because he still feels he has to be loyal to her ( and i completely understand that)..but hes 24, he has to move on, right? Its like 1/2 of him wants to move on and the other 1/2 feels like if he moves on then shes really gone.
2007-03-11 23:08:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the thing is, you really have to help him through this, you hit the nail on the head when you said he feels guilt... he just cant bring himself to do it.. as is with many widows or widowers...
you should make the first move.. a subtle one.. your good friends so make sure its out there enough to be something you usually wouldn't do together but something that he can easily refuse.. if he isn't ready yet... time really does heal all wounds.. and i think that is really what he needs most... makes sure to let him know that you are friend first right now and if things are meant to be, he will heal and you will have a very strong healthy relationship
2007-03-11 23:18:57 · answer #1 · answered by curls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems that you both are great persons! I'd advise you just to continue to be friends and become even closer in it by sharing everything, your thoughts, your life, and being there for each other. Friendship is the best base for a true relationship. If there is an appropriate moment, tell him that his girlfriend would for sure have liked him to be happy in his life (without hinting at yourself). We never may know how it feels like to lose someone very close until it happens to us. That's the worst what can happen in life. It should be his own decision to move on or being loyal to the end.
2007-03-11 23:50:24 · answer #2 · answered by sslloonniikk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky situation.... my brother died and left behind a fiance to mourn his death. She was stuck with the same dilemma! The thing that helped her move on was knowing that the lessons that she learnt when they were together can never be taken away. She also knew that he wouldnt want her to live life alone so she decided to "trial date" a close friend of hers. Yes now and then theres sad patches but generally the reason why most people dont move past the death is because they fear mostly being hurt, rejected or afraid that they won't adapt. You should tell your friend how you really feel but suggest that you try it out only. You can handle him and thats proven and you know him well so you can tackle this one. Just be gentle and take it easy. He is fragile but basically mended but afraid.
2007-03-11 23:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is really still not over it. Unfortunately I would have to say that if you went for it you would end up being like a rebound for him. Even though its been three years if he's not over it then he shouldn't be in a new relationship. You can be his friend and maybe get him out doing things or even invite him along with a group of friends. He probably does feel guilty but you can show him that he can still enjoy his life. It sounds a little harsh but he is only 24 and he still has a lot of life left to live so he needs to get over it. Do things with him that remind him about his youth.
2007-03-11 23:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by Patrick E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its been 3 years if he wanted he really loved he would have moved on after his gf died 3 years ago i think its holding him back just give it one more try if not just move on
2007-03-11 23:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by aallbeautifulady 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate very much. I met my wife 2 months after she lost her fiance in a plane accident. Now we are married, and I think she is still in love with him. So my advice is to take things very slow. It is not easy. I feel like my wife loves a ghost more than me.
2007-03-11 23:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by G T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's deep....but the way i see it if he gives u sgns that he has feelings for u then u should pursue your happyness. u just haveta convince him that it's time to move on and that there are still great things out there. people who will always b there for him at his time of need
2007-03-11 23:13:37 · answer #7 · answered by Romeo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you say you can talk about anything with him .... tell him how you feel about him ... even if it is printing out this page and giving it to him to read. You have nothing to loose ... and you will know exactly where you stand with him ... and it will stop all the 'girl thoughts' .... :-)
2007-03-11 23:17:04 · answer #8 · answered by Millii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to be there for him not just as a friend and tell him you fully understand what he is going through and that it's okay to move on and that you will never judge him. good luck anyway and I hope your friend is okay.
2007-03-11 23:15:35 · answer #9 · answered by golden tigress 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey,
thats a good question,
i think that u have to tell him how u feel bout him and get him to tell u how he feels bout u,
and u have to convince him that he has to move, and that life does go on,
after all it has been three years,
2007-03-11 23:16:21 · answer #10 · answered by emzisebastain 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋