Does he still love me?

Question

He broke up with me among other reasons because of the distance; I'm in New York; he's in Tokyo. We started dating in Tokyo, then I had to move to NY last Sep and we dated long dist. The break up was not mutual, but it was open ended, in that he did not completely rule out the possibility of getting back together once I moved back to Tokyo. I'm moving back to Tokyo to start work there in April; he doesn't know that yet. I should add that another major reason for breaking up was that he did not feel good enough for me due to his educational background, etc, a point of great frustration for me because I don't share in his opinion. He said he could not marry me because he could not make me happy, because he does not and could not have a proper, decent job. I wouldn't mind providing for him, and letting him do what he likes, but he doesn't like such a situation. Now he is being sincere, and I think this makes him even more difficult to read. When we were breaking up, he said his feelings

for me fundamentally have not changed; if he didn't love me he would continue dating me, do I understand? (This kind of consideration for the other person is apparently very much a Japanese style of thought). But then he later said there is no point dating for the reasons he gave (long distance - we cannot see each other; and he can't marry me because he can't get a proper job) and when i asked "then why did you date me to begin with?" he said "my feelings have cooled now and I love you less than in the beginning." He wanted to be friends and as friends, he would email me at the same rate, he said, and I can call him on the phone, we can meet in Tokyo "as friends". But since the break up a few weeks ago he is responding quicker to my emails, initiating conversations, and he writes me: "[my name], hello. [my name], fundamentally there is no problem. [my name], by the way now are you coming to Japan in April?" I am wondering why he wants to know whether I'm coming back to Japan and why

is he talking to me more than when we were dating? When I asked him, he said there is no one new. The last few emails I sent him: "I am going to Japan in mid-April. Dave is coming to visit me from April 10th to the 13th so it will be after that. So it will be in the middle of next month [that we see each other], won't it! I will arrive at Tokyo Narita [airport] on April Xth. Can I see you that week?" He replied: "[my name], good evening. [my name], I think/I am thinking it will be good if/I hope that we can see each other that week. That and [my name], why don't you try telling Dave you love him/asking Dave out." Dave is my best friend and confidante in love and all matters, and my ex knows this, and thinks highly of Dave. Five months ago in Tokyo my ex wrote me: "[my name], for the first time in my life I am seriously hoping and praying for the happiness of someone other than myself. You are after all extremely pretty and lovely. [my name], I honestly seriously love you so much.

[my name], good night (with a throbbing heart mark)." Does he still love me? By the way, I am half Japanese, half western and he is Japanese, some people have assumed I'm american, but this is not the case...nonetheless, maybe some of you are correct in mentioning the possibility of bigotry against mixed couples like us?

Answer 1

Oh this is heartbreaking. It sounds to me very much as tho he is still in love with you but for all the reasons he has stated he is trying to let you go so that you can get on with your life and start with someone he thinks is better for you than him.

When you go bak to Tokyo why don't you both just take things slowly, build up your friendship with each other and then maybe things will take off from there, have you thought about the fact that he is maybe afraid that when you go back it will again only be for a short time and he is worried that if you pick up where you left of he will end up hurt again?

Good luck with this and I hope it works out for you both.

Answer 2

This is a difficult question to answer. I have lived in Japan for ten years. I know many Japanese men. They can be very indirect, this is part of the culture. It is called (aemae) and means indirect communication. I know that Japanese men are proud and like to be in control of relationships. About sixty years ago women finally got their rights here, but the good old boy attitude still prevails.

Does he love you? I feel you will have to wait and see for yourself, but don't count it out.

Answer 3

thats a man right there, wanting to provide for a woman. Since he is not american, I cant really tell if he is lying or not and being honest, I think he still loves you very much.

Answer 4

no
and you know it
the longer the question the more the self deception

Answer 5

he still love u maybe, but he have to let u go... sometimes if u loves someone too much..its best u let them go.

Answer 6

nope

if he did he would have moved the earth to try to still be with you. (metaphorically speaking)