A Good Joke?

Question

Top my joke (I'm not saying my joke's the funniest I've ever heard, just looking for ones to top it). Best joke gets the adoration of your friends and family... and ten plus points. Here goes:

The pope is working on a crossword puzzle. He turns to a cardinal seated next to him and says: "say, I need a four letter word for 'a kind of woman', ends in 'unt'?". The cardinal pauses for a moment then turns to the pope, "I believe the aunswer is 'aunt'." The pope says "aunt, yes, yes, of course. Aunt. Say, you wouldn't happen to have an eraser, would you?"

Answer 1

naughty naughty pope!

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

Answer 2

there is a lizard walking through the jungle when he sees a monkey sitting in a tree.He yells up to the monkey "what are u doing monkey"the monkey says I'm rolling a joint come and join me .so the lizard does and soon is very bent and very dry in the throat so he says to monkey"I'm going to get a drink from the river".the lizard runs down the tree and down to the river to get a drink.there was a crocodile watching the lizard have a drink when all of a sudden the lizard falls in the river the croc swims over and flicks the lizard back onto the bank of the river and says "wots wrong with u ,u never fall in ,wots the go"the lizard tells the croc about the monkey in the tree and the croc wants a joint too so the lizard points out which tree the monkey was in and the croc took off.when he got to the tree he looked up and yelled"what are u doing monkey "the monkey looked down and screamed "HOW MUCH WATER DID U DRINK"

Answer 3

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State . She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York
Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers." At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of **** it is unable to fly.

Answer 4

There was a little boy named John. John had a big potty mouth. One day in school, his teacher was going over the alphabet with the class. "OK," she said. "I need someone to give me a word beginning with the letter A, and use it in a sentence." A few kids raised their hands, including John. "Ooh, PICK ME, PICK ME!" He yelled. The teacher didn't want to call him because she knew what he would say. So, she called on Susie. "A is for apple. The apple fell from the tree," she said. "Very good Susie. Next letter..B." John raised his hand again. "PICK ME!!" he yelled again. The teacher chose Billy instead. "B is for banana. The monkey ate a banana." he said. "Thank you Billy.. Next is C." The teacher continued to ignore John's hand, until she reached the letter R. Thinking that there was no possible way for him to make a bad word out of the letter R, she called on him. "OK, John.. Can you give us a word that starts with R, and use it in a sentence?" she asked. John smiled and stood. "R is for RAT. A BIG, F*CKING RAT!!!"



i'm not that good at jokes.. my bf told me that one.. and i thought it was hilarious.. hope i did ok =]

Answer 5

Well, i would not have imagined the pope writing *unt in a crossword puzzle!!!!! Nice one... Deserves a star.

Answer 6

I wonder what the poop erased!?But heres one..What's the defference between a southern girl and a northern girl when they say you can? One says you can and the other one says you All can!!

Answer 7

haha nicely sturdy i've got been given a intercourse joke for you wish you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had in basic terms died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her while she asked how he died her nan replyed by technique of sayin that he had had a coronary heart attack jointly as makin love 2 her kate reported that it grew to become into stupid that 2 previous human beings the place havin intercourse because it grew to become into askin for difficulty her nan replyed by technique of sayin that they used to do it to the sluggish %. of the church bells because it grew to become into in basic terms the superb suited velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on by technique of sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nevertheless be alive on the instant'' :) xxx

Answer 8

Hahaha. the pope wrote c**t.

Answer 9

ahahahaha!
wow that is one funny
joke haha
i have a very stupid pick up line
haha
"im an astronaut and my next mission is to explore uranus"
XD

Answer 10

not bad 7