How can I deter my son from joing the army?

Question

My son is 15 and he is adamant that he is joing the army. He is in the Army Cadets at the moment and absolutely loves it. However, I am already really worried about the whole army and going to war thing and really dont want him to go, however I have to look to support him. He intesnds to go to Sandhurst and join the RMP. I have convinced him to stay on and do his A'Levels but he wants to go straight in after taking them.

Apart from the obvious getting killed, maimed injured and suffering from PTSD what else do you think would maybe put him off?

At the end of the day I will support what he wants to do but as a mother who desperatley loves her son, I worry.

Thanks

Answer 1

I reckon you have time on your side. You're very much in the right to convince him to stay in for A levels and after those he may well want to go to uni upon seeing his friends/ peers applying, plus youv'e got a good three years to gently work on him.

I completed A levels and went to university for six months before dropping out and joining the infantry and then subsequently transferring to the RMP. My mother was absolutely gutted and totally terrified of what i intended to do but she hid it as best she could and supported me in my choices. I've now been in for four years and am a corporal working on an RMP Close Protection team in Baghdad.

Whilst my family are still worried for me, they are immensely proud of what i do and in those four years i've learnt so much. Im now looking into leaving the Army and going back to uni to become a teacher, so it goes to show there's always time for uni etc, especially with your son wanting to join young. He wont necessarily want to be in the army for ever.

There is always that element of risk, and as a mother that will always play on your mind. No amount of statistics or facts i could give you will ever get rid of that. However, support him, like you said before, and you'll take great pride in your son's achievements. This, in some small measure, will help to make the worry that bit more manageable. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Nothing you do will change your son's belief that he is going to join the Army and be a soldier.

Most soldiers become so from a childhood ambition. Since your son is a member of the Army Cadets, there is little doubt that this has had a major influence on him while he has been growing from a boy into a man.

My grandfather served with the British Army in the Boer War when he was 16, only a year older than your son is today. In WW-One, hundreds of 16 year olds fought in the trenches.

I joined the British Army aged 15 in 1957 and was finally demobed in 1965.

Answer 3

You can't because once he reaches a certain age, his life is his own with which to make his own choices and decisions.

It may come as little consolation but you only have to read the news these days to see there are far worse things for a 15 year old to be into than the Army Cadets. I went to a school that was closely linked with the Air Force Cadets. You may be pleased to know that most of the cadets with high hopes at 15 of joining the forces, had a change of heart before they reached the age of joining.

Perhaps you could encourage him to study and go to Uni so he could join at a higher rank than squaddy level. This would give him more time to think about things.

The more you try to discourage this desire, the more strongly he will fight for it. Your best bet is to remain neutral and support him where needs be.

Even if you do manage to talk him out of it, how will you cope with him resenting you for stopping him from carrying out his childhood dream?

Answer 4

Let him do what he wants. However many of the recruiters are making the military sound better then what it actually is, I have heard so many people complaining about it. So Let him join but let him also go to a couple of miltary funerals. Also take him to a VA hospital near you. If someone is going to make a choice they should see all sides of the coin. Not just the sign on bonus and the career opportunties. This way he knows that not everyone comes back alive, not everyone comes back with all body parts.
My son has decided to join the military however I made sure he knows all sides of it. Not just the positive side. He has decided he still wants to join and of course I don't want him to die or get hurt. Gee I worry if he get home late. Afraid something has happen. . But there is also a side of me that's proud that he wants to service his country. He knows what the risks are and still feels it's his duty to put in his service.
I think you have done a great job teaching your son love of country. If you show him the negative that can happen, and he still decided to join, be proud in the fact that he loves his country and wants to serve.

Answer 5

I would be far more worried, if you were NOT concerned, for your son's safety, - that's a parent's "JOB"! But, - don't worry, - as others, before me, have said, - he cannot join up, for at LEAST THREE YEARS, yet! And, even, if he DOES join up, - there are many months of TRAINING, to undergo, before he achieves his aim! For him to achieve officer status, though, will NOT be easy, at ALL! It means, that he will require far LONGER training, than non-commissioned soldiers. And, there IS, of course, the possibility, that, - although, HE "WANTS" Sandhurst, - "SANDHURST" may NOT "WANT" HIM! How would he cope with the disappointment IF that happened? From YOUR viewpoint, THAT is the "BEST CASE SCENARIO"! Would he be CONTENT, to join the "RANK AND FILE"? I don't KNOW him, - so, I cannot TELL!

In the END, though, - if he still wants to go, when he REACHES eighteen, - the fact is, that you can do NOTHING, to STOP HIM! I am SORRY, if that was NOT what you wanted to HEAR, - but, THEY are the FACTS!

May I wish you, - ALL, - good luck, for the future!

Answer 6

Apart from the obvious your 15 year old son might not be what the army wants lady. And if he is accepted he will certainly be put where the army wants him. There is honour serving in all corps, all are equals, regardless of any bar room bullying. But thats just men having fun. Studying on may pay off for the type of jobs open to him when he enlists...

Answer 7

At 15, he's got some time before he formalizes a commitment like this. But also, he's at an age where he's finding his own way in life. As a military mom, I can sympathize with your concerns, and I can also assure you that there are many benefits to military life, for those young men who feel driven to enlist.

As a military mom it is my job to do my crying and worrying outside of his knowledge... to not burden my son with my own emotional stuff. It's also my job to be my son's cheerleader through life... to support him in ALL his decisions, those I agree with and those I don't. In the end, that support will mean more to him than any well-meaning advice I would ever give.

If you support his decision now, then when the time comes to enlist, you will have more ability to help him choose a career path, because he will know you don't necessarily agree, but you support his decision and want the best for him. If you don't support him now, he could very likely enlist and choose a career path without your involvement. Choosing a career path is critical to smart enlistment. In the US, if a recruit joins with an "open" contract or an "infantry" career path, he will definitely see those things you fear the most. If he chooses a non-combat career path, he would most likely be placed in less threatening assignments.

He's testing his wings and he needs your support, mom. It's time to make a decision you'll need to stick to for the rest of your lives.. whether you're going to continue to control his decisions or whether you're going to honor his desire to serve his country... and the other decisions he'll make along the way.

I wish you the very best... and tell your son "Thank You" from me... for his desire to serve his country.

Answer 8

If he intends to go onto do his A levels,. Then he will have the opportunity to join th T.A. .

This will give him the chance to get a better idea of what military life can be like, without the commitment of signing up for 3 years.

And once he has had a taste of what it can be like in the armed forces he may change his mind.

Saying that the fact that he wants to be an MP, would mean a good chance of not being in the frontline....

Answer 9

sounds like he's going the officer route if he is cadet and planning on college. if that is the case, don't worry because officers make all the money, get all the awards, and never face any danger.
if he plans on enlisting, that is a whole different story, but not hopeless. make sure he doesn't become a grunt, a scout, or a sapper. that way he'll be a poge and he'll never go on missions. sure, trading your dignity for safety sounds harsh, but 91% of the army never goes on actual military missions. the other 9% of us do all the dangerous stuff and watch the rest get hero treatment. sounds bad, but it's a small price to pay for self respect.

Answer 10

I admire you son for wanting to serve his country, so many youngster don't want to work, yet alone do this type of difficult and dangerous job. All you can do is voice your concerns, at the end of the day it's his decision on his future. I am just so sorry that our Government are not treating our soldiers in the way that most people feel they should. Your son is a very brave young man.