Does he still love me?

Question

He broke up with me among other reasons because of the distance; I'm in New York; he's in Tokyo. We started dating in Tokyo, then I had to move to NY last Sep and we dated long dist. The break up was not mutual, but it was open ended, in that he did not completely rule out the possibility of getting back together once I moved back to Tokyo. I'm moving back to Tokyo to start work there in April; he doesn't know that yet. I should add that another major reason for breaking up was that he did not feel good enough for me due to his educational background, etc, a point of great frustration for me because I don't share in his opinion. He said he could not marry me because he could not make me happy, because he does not and could not have a proper, decent job. I wouldn't mind providing for him, and letting him do what he likes, but he doesn't like such a situation. Now he is being sincere, and I think this makes him even more difficult to read. When we were breaking up, he said his feelings

for me fundamentally have not changed; if he didn't love me he would continue dating me, do I understand? (This kind of consideration for the other person is very much a Japanese style of thought). But then he later said there is no point dating for the reasons he gave (long distance - we cannot see each other; and he can't marry me because he can't get a proper job) and when i asked "then why did you date me to begin with?" he said "my feelings have cooled now and I love you less than in the beginning." He wanted to be friends and as friends, he would email me at the same rate, he said, and I can call him on the phone, we can meet in Tokyo "as friends". But since the break up a few weeks ago he is responding quicker to my emails, initiating conversations, and he writes me: "[my name], hello. [my name], fundamentally there is no problem. [my name], by the way now are you coming to Japan in April?" I am wondering why he wants to know whether I'm coming back to Japan and why

is he talking to me more than when we were dating? When I asked him, he said there is no one new. The last few emails I sent him: "I am going to Japan in mid-April. Dave is coming to visit me from April 10th to the 13th so it will be after that. So it will be in the middle of next month [that we see each other], won't it! I will arrive at Tokyo Narita [airport] on April Xth. Can I see you that week?" He replied: "[my name], good evening. [my name], I think/I am thinking it will be good if/I hope that we can see each other that week. That and [my name], why don't you try telling Dave you love him/asking Dave out." Dave is my best friend and confidante in love and all matters, and my ex knows this, and thinks highly of Dave. Five months ago in Tokyo my ex wrote me: "[my name], for the first time in my life I am seriously hoping and praying for the happiness of someone other than myself. You are after all extremely pretty and lovely. [my name], I honestly seriously love you so much.

[my name], good night (with a throbbing heart mark)." Does he still love me?

Answer 1

He feels threatened by your superior education and as such doubts whether you truly love him and to protect himself and insulate his emotion from a likely heart break, he took the step that he had taken especially when you left for NY.

But now that you are going back to Tokyo which he has gotten to know somehow, he fancies a chance that both of you might still get back together.

He still loves you but needs more assurances from you. However, I wonder whether such a relationship will have an enduring future.

Answer 2

This just sounds so bad on so many levels. I don't know if he still loves you. I don't know if he ever loved you. It sounds as though he was in love with the idea of being in love, but now that idea is difficult to keep up, because you are far away and because reality has a way of creeping in over time. His flip-flopping may be sincere, but it is also manipulative, and that is not respectful to you (or to himself). And personally, if some guy said to me that the reason he loved me was because I was beautiful, I would take that as a huge clue that the guy is just "playing" at being in love (even though he may not realize it).

Answer 3

he is insecure, move on. it may not seem like it now, but in the long run this will save you a bigger headache.

Answer 4

no sorry he does not like you anymore. Some advice do not hold onto something that is not anymore there.