I NEED HELP!! I have 2 boys who i am having a extremely hard time ........................?

Question

getting them to mind me.I am a single parent so it is just me.They talk back,are constantly fighting with each other..from the time i wake up in the morning till 11-12 o clock at night trying to get them in bed.I have tried EVERYTHING...yelling,spanking,taking toys/tv away time out....NOTHING works...my stress is to the point that i am having chest pains and anxiety attacks....i don't know where to turn!!! If you have ANY ideas please let me know..thanks!!

Oh they are 9.

Answer 1

Look for a woman's program that will help you with some type of counseling (for you and the boys) and parenting classes. I am totally not judging you, I am telling you because I know how hard it can be. You need to surround yourself with a support system and with people who can give you guidance to get control of your situation.

Answer 2

I was one of your kids when my folks got divorced and I am a Dad now so I have some perspective on this. I don't really recommend this but my Mom reacted by giving me a couple of near death experience beatings. That worked pretty good for a few years. The best thing I could tell you is don't undermine yourelf by yelling at them. It doesn't work. If you are going to use physical punishment do it swift and do it right but don't do it when you are out of control or mad. My wife yells at my kids and then does the "I'll tell your father" thing. I believe in spanking but I rarely have to do it. You have to be firm and give instructions once and only once. If you don't get compliance, don't talk it over, don't yell, just do what you said you would do. End of story. That takes patience and practice,

Answer 3

I can totally relate to you ,I have 4 boys. The best advice I can give is consictancy. Don't give in even if they are driving you crazy!! Stick firmly to your punishments. Make sure that at the same time you reward them when they do what they are supose to.(example..if they go to bed for a week with no problems take them out for icecream or to their favorite park) The other thing I would say is don't let them sleep late . Even on the weekends let them have lots of physical acctivaty so they are more tired. Make them read for a 1/2 hour before bed time.(that will make anyone tired)Good Luck!!

Answer 4

How old are your boys? I ask because sometimes boys that are old enough to have some sort of household responsibility will take pride in doing chores and then being rewarded for it. Try not to focus so much and getting them "to behave", but rather giving them opportunities to good things and earn good things. Most kids will respond to any sort of positive reinforcement.

If your kids are old enough you can have a before school and after school routine set up for them so that they really do not have time to get in trouble. Make them each a checklist. For the morning it could include getting dressed, making beds, brushing teeth, having breakfast, cleaning up breakfast dishes. For after school you could have something similar. If they are able to check off everything (with your approval) for a week then on the weekend you can reward them with a movie or an ice cream.

Just a few ideas. Best to you and keep your cool. They are looking to you to show them how they should live....

Answer 5

And I bet you have givin everything back to them knowing that their behavior is at its worst.If so you are in the wrong.I have 6 boys.I dare them to raise a voice at me.I told my kids(only 5 at the time) to pick up all of their toys off of their bedrooms floors.I told them that if they toys are not put away then I will take them and put them in my room and also warned them that the next time they fight over a toy that I will put them in my room for a long time.I had turned my back and 2 of the boys was hitting each other that fast over a hott wheel and 3 of them was mocking me.Well that did not fly well with me so I took all the toys and put them in my bedroom then the deal was that all of them had to have a perfect week to get their toys back.It took these kids a month to straighten their stuff up.Those toys being in my small room was a big inconvience on me not to mention how
I would bang my legs into the toy boxes when I would get up to use the bathroom at night but I knew I had to stick to my word.They are far from angels but they are not brats who laugh at me and challange my adult authority anymore.Once you say something to a child you must follow through with it and do not give in for nothing.Dont get so stressed,just keep in mind that if you stay strong then you will have halfway decent kids soon.

Answer 6

yelling will just make them ignore you more. Basically it is your house and you make the rules. if you dont want something there, remove it. be it TV-Internet-phone. you pay the bills right? well you can save money by discontinuing things when the time for that kind of discipline comes. also, be sure you are talking with your boys one on one. sometimes its just a frustration problem they have that needs to be talked out. take one of them out sometime or take time to sit down and talk with him and ask him how he is, if he has any problems. and let them be active in making some of the rules. If you are working somewhere wouldnt you like your opinion to be heard by the boss before they make a decision that involves you? its amazing how a little talk here and there can really help.

Answer 7

Positive Reinforcement. Let them earn rewards like TV, ice cream, pizza night only if they follow the rules. And make sure the rules are clear and posted where your kid-o's can see them. For example, Use Your Indoor Voice When You're Inside. Give stars, stickers, whatever to show them their progress towards a big reward. Oh, and since you have two different children with different personalities, make sure the rewards are specific to that particular child. And be consistent! This is the best advice I can give you.

Answer 8

Of course nothing works, because you're tying to punish them rather than discipline them. First of all kids have rights and they are...the right to a roof over their heads, the right to wholesome nutritious food in their bellies, the right to warm, protective clothing on their bodies and shoes on their feet, the right to a warm, safe comfortable environment to sleep in and a warm loving supportive home to live in. THAT IS IT. They do NOT have the right to view television any time of the day or night. They do NOT have the right to have expensive video games systems and every video game known to man. They do NOT have the right to have a computer in their bedroom. They do NOT have the right to have every toy imaginable. Those are PRIVELIGES and should be EARNED rather than just handed to them so that when you need to "punish" them you take them away and it has no effect because they don't care, they KNOW that eventually if they WHINE long enough they'll get the stuff back.
Look at yourself....YOU have gotten yourself to the point of having chest pains and anxiety attacks and these kids are in control. YOU gave them that control, YOU created the monster and just like Dr. Frankenstien you're going to have to kill the monster. First of all set NEW rules. No more television, videos, video games etc unless they have been EARNED. To earn a privelige each day they have to follow all the rules, they have to behave in an appropriate manner, go to bed at a set time, get up at a set time. When they behave, follow all the rules they can have no longer than an hour with whatever privelige they choose. DO NOT back down. Take the televisions and computers OUT of the bedrooms, bedrooms are for rest, relaxation, sleep and reflection, not media rooms. Television, game systemes, computers should be in the family room where their use can be monitored by the adult in the house. No they are not going to like this system at all...especially not in the beginning...But once they start earning their priveliges they are going to want to do it more and more. You will no longer have to take things away because if they don't earn them they don't get them period. If they try to force the issue then you HAVE to get tough...tell them if they try to force it you will unplug the game systems, unplug the computers and put them in the garbage and if they want replacements they will have to pay for them themselves. AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS. Because either you want your kids to behave or you don't. there is NO middle ground. Be concistent, be paitent, nothing is going to work overnight. They've been in control for 9 years...it WILL take time for this to work.

Answer 9

You are going through the challenge of being a single parent. Obviously a lot of extra work is falling on your shoulders. You need to relax and concentrate on what is really essential.

Take your boys aside and talk to them personally.
Try to discover at least one good quality in the boys and praise them for it.
Appreciate them when they behave well
Assign small responsibilities to them
Reward them when they do well.
I can understand what you are going through and my prayers are with you.

Answer 10

I think they may be behaving badly because they are not getting enough sleep, it is a vicious circle. It's very important for children to get enough sleep and at 9 they need at least 10 hours a night.

Don't yell, don't stress, just stay calm and firm. I know it is hard but you have to be in charge, they need you to be. There are a lot of good ideas at this site www.flylady.net.