3 years and she up and leaves...?

Question

My girlfriend and I had been together for about 3 years and she broke up with me recently. The last 5 months were not very good. We argued alot and she just seemed to be holding back on me/ disinterested etc. So one day we get into an argument and she says im sorry i realize now I dont love you blah blah blah. Obviously I was heart broken. She claimed and still claims (its been abotu a week since we broke up) that she just has no feelings whatsoever and she only views me as a friend.

Im trying really hard to believe her and based on the way she had been acting it just seemed like she was changing and she really didnt have any feelings, but its real hard to comprehend that we were in love, had talked about marriage, and then she just magically stops having feelings. My friends all say 'she still has feelings she just doesnt realize or is trying to ignore them.' I dont know what to do. We were best friends and its hard to get over her when im also sitting hoping...

she realizes maybe she made a mistake. I just dont know what to do. I cant like try and get her back cause she just says shes sorry and she just wants to be good friends.

She seems to be giving me mixed signals however (or maybe im just interpreting things that way) but its so hard. My friends tell me to give her time and she'll come back but its hard to believe that. I want that to happen, but it makes it so much harder.

I just dont know what to do. I dont know how to just forget about her. I was used to seeing her everyday of my life and doing everything with her and now shes gone. Im not old only 20 but it was more than jsut a high school relationship.

I cant sleep. Im depressed all the time. I just want to beg for her back at times, but I know it will do no good. Im just so confused.

Any advice for helping myself sleep, for helping myself just be able to function normally in this horrible situation. Im just so darn sad and confused.

I didnt say she stopped loving me over night I said she realized that she didnt love me over night. After 3 years it still seems weird that she would lose EVERY feeling after only several months.

And yeah Im moping man, and no one hates it more than me when people who are in "young love" mope, however, this had been a three year relationship, one that I was fairly certain was something special. I think I would have proposed eventually so its not like its puppy love.

I think to just get right up and move on is almost impossible if you really care about someone.

Answer 1

its terrible,i feel your pain have been thru a similar experience but not after three years,its hard to belive that people can change so drastically in such a short time,but i have come to realize that sometimes some people just don't want to work at it, what happened to u happens to a lot of guys,many girls don't realize that relationships are not all about feelings but also take work and willingness to work at it from time to time. People are often unrealistic when it comes to love,they see it as a powerful feeling of attraction that sweeps them off their feet,but that is not the way love truly is. Lust often misguides people,we see someone that fits our idea of a good partner and after a while we decide that we r in love,then after a year you become tired and say i am not in love anymore,i need someone else,the reality is that most people ask more from love and relationships than these two can deliver. For many of us, this so called 'love" is the last refuge for redemption,the place we go to be saved. we see happily married couples that have been together for years and wonder how they did it,as if it is a wonderful mystery,but in reality we just have the wrong idea of what love is and what it requires. In all honesty i think that one ought to acknowledge that a committed relationship,even a very good one, involves a great deal of frustration and hinges on how well one can bear that frustration that strong feeling of infatuation that we love to call love, will always end at some point,it will loose intensity because our bodies do not have a psychological lock that makes us love only one person forever,true love requires commitment and a good understanding of one's self and perhaps,has a lot to do with luck. I know it's hard but there are other ones out there who will treat you better than that you just need to find a girl that will help u get over it,that's what i did and it worked eventually...just remember that it wasn t your fault,it was her choice.

Answer 2

I've recently lost my girlfriend in a similar situation. She would pick little topics to nag at me. Like I don't wash the dishes and other things that could be resolved really easily, believe me I tried. But she was looking for an "out"

I found out that she was communicating with an old crush of hers and I confronted it about her a bunch of times but she wouldn't tell me until it was too late.

It could be possible that you girlfriend was getting bored with the relationship or just is afraid of commitment. It hurts a lot and I know this first hand. but its better that you focus on getting your life together and eventually find someone else. If you get back together with her again, she'll just do the same thing later.

Answer 3

i'm not sure what exactly you're asking here... all you really can do in this situation is accept it and move on. people change all the time and sometimes, couples do not change together, they change apart. this is quite normal. i've been married and divorced twice so i've had a number of different little separate lives in this one journey... do i regret any of them? no. i am who i am today because of those experiences and i'm grateful that i've had the experiences i've had. i'm grateful that i've loved as much as i've been loved. and that's all we can really ask for, you know? i know it sucks and hurts and all that but for whatever her reasons are, she no longer has the same feelings for you that she once had. respect that and move on.

[edit]
even if she's confused and giving you mixed signals... for whatever reason, she made a decision that it would be better that you two be friends than in a romantic relationship... i don't know all the details of what went on in the last five months of your relationship. i don't know if she's stressed about finances or her career choices or her family or what... but you can't force her to make a decision if she's still unsure about the decision she made. give her time... back off from the pressure... and just be there for her if she needs you to be there...

Answer 4

o, boy, if i only had kinda problem u have. u re 20, what is your problem? and she won't be back. she got disappointed, during those 5 months u were arguing she was monitoring u and giving u second chance. u blew it. now she is gone forever. if a woman is disappointed she won't be back. so try to concentrate on studying or whatever the hell u do there, but it is so stupid to break your head over smth when all your life is in front of u. do u know how many women will dump u in future? do u know how many friends of yours and relatives will die from accident in young age? do u know how many times u will have problems with health? so what re u blubbering here about? a girl dumped u? i wish honestly it will be the biggest disappointment in your life. cos trust me u will have much worse. and plenty. everybody does

Answer 5

dude she didnt stop loving u over night u just said things had been bad for 5 months i'd say that was a very good clue to the fact she had stop caring about u the way she had been listen to her and except the fact she doesnt love you anymore and go on with ur life and find someone that does love u

Answer 6

ouch! we've all been there. having been through that more than a few times myself, i found the best thing to do is give her a little time alone, and then ask her what the turning point for her was. then, at the vey least, you'll have some closure. and don't believe for a minute that she dosn't have feelings involved. this was not an easy decision for her.

Answer 7

At least she is being honest with you. It's better to find out now, rather than down the line when there is children involved. You know the quickest way to get over a broken heart is to find yourself another girlfriend asap.

Answer 8

Sitting and hoping for what??? You already had the fights and the big break up--so get up and start moving---the pity and drama are not worth it..she isn't coming back--back to what anyway-?? fights, ??? get a grip--welcome to young love!!Stop thinking about it--you sound like a girl--be a man. stand tall, get going again, ....sitting--you make me sick.