It's an issue....?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. we live together. he told me a long time ago that he wanted to marry me but neither of us wanted to jump into it. people ask all the time when we are getting married. he used to say 4 years from when we started dating, which would be in about 2 more years, but when i answer "maybe in like 2 or 3 years" he gets all... evasive and he's like "we'll see" whats the freakin' deal? to hear him talk about me, you would think i'm the greatest thing ever, people say we seem happy, it's the commitment phobia gonna be a huge issue?? we're young now, 20 and 21, but in 3 years we'll be 23 and 25 and we'll have been dating for more than 5 years... that doesnt seem like jumping the gun to me. i'm not in a rush to get married like now, but i'd like to sometime... while i'm still sort of young... we want kids at some point... much later

Answer 1

I think there are two kinds of engagement...the type of engagement where both people are committed to one another and ready to get married very soon and are excited and start planning their wedding day and honeymoon soon after they announce their engagement. Then there's the other kind of engagement...like yours, you are both young and not quite ready to start planning your wedding as of yet. You are committed to each other,but the idea of planning a wedding is something that is in your future plans, not present. In other words the engagement is just a step in celebrating your commitment to each other rather than the first step in planning a wedding. What I'm trying to get you to understand is that you are only 20/21, and not ready to set a wedding date yet, so stop stressing about how long your engagement is. You wanted to be able to say you're engaged and committed to this person, and now you can do that. When you are both ready to actually set a date you will sit down and do so, but for now...enjoy each other and celebrate your love for each other every day. You've got lots of time before you're ready to have a family, which means the weddng can wait...

Answer 2

To be honest it doesn't sound like he wants to marry you at all. If you've made the commitment in your heart and are already living together.. it's time to get married. There is more to it than just a piece of paper.. it gives you legal rights and makes you next of kin.. right now you may or may not have some rights as a common-law spouse, depending on where you live.

At your age.. although you are young, you have spent two years with this person. You don't want to spent years waiting for him to commit... I'd say give him a deadline.. say six months.. to get formally engaged and set a date. If he doesn't do it... time to move on.

Answer 3

myself and significant other were in a long term relationship and the idea was on the horizon to marry

it wasn't immediate and i was OK with that

we did start dating when i was 20 and he was 21

however when i was looking down the gun at my 27th birthday and still nothing i had to lay a cunning plan

it got to February that year (and a leap year) and valentines day and i said to him - ru going to propose to me today or shall i wait a couple of weeks and propose to you?

after a discussion the ring came out and we married 6 months later!

i am thinking your bf thinks that you have a good thing going and has heard all the drama about people living together who get married then split up - but that is usually people who already have problems in their relationship who think that just by walking down the isle it will magically sort out all their difficulties - and it doesn't - but keep persisting with him for the next step to getting married - i did and neither of us have any regrets now

Answer 4

Well, you're young you don't need to worry about the date this second. Has he told you he actually wants to spend the rest of your lives together? If so, tell him a date that you like and start planning.

As for the 'he's living with you, why would he want to marry you' bunk, just let you in on something my lover has lived with me for 2 years (we're just a few years older than you) and it was him who wanted to have the wedding. I was perfectly fine 'just living together' with the intentions of keeping it that way for the rest of our lives. He, on the other hand, was also happy that way, but wanted a wedding because it's something for his family to enjoy. So, we're getting married, not for us, not for commitment, but simply because our families will enjoy the friggin' party. We are already way more commited than most married couples. :) Good luck!

Answer 5

if you gonna wait 2 -3 years what are you worrying about this now live life don't get caught up in the small thing enjoy your life as a couple before long you will be married kids running around and you'll be wondering what was my issue back then.

Answer 6

You need to read around this site more, you are not the only one in this situation. Basically, he does need to or want to marry - you re living with him - and that's why. Basically, if you want to see if things will change, move out on your own independently, keep dating him, and see what happens. Right now you are being taken for granted. If you want something "more", you have to change.

Answer 7

You have plenty of time, just make sure he is the one.

Answer 8

a bird in your hand is worth thaousands in the sky

Answer 9

He is living with you and may feel why should he marry you .lol