I'm a step-father and my wife is pregnant. I want to have my child birth date tattooed on me, but not my step childs. Is that wrong? Is that showing favoritism? I love my step-child, but I didn't know her when she was born.
2007-03-11 19:00:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i dont think its bad. I have 3 step kids and i love them very much. I have a three week old daughter my first ,and its different. like i said i love my step kids but there is nothing like my own child from the moment she came into the world the feeling i have just looking at her. I never knew anyone could love someone so much. Just remember to spend time with your stepdaughter too. my stepkids live with there mom and come down every other weekend and i try to spend time with them all and the baby aslo.
2007-03-11 20:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by Mom to Isobelle 2, & Gavyn 8mths 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't show favoritism as long as you are doing it for you. I have a daughter that I put up for adoption, one on the way, and a step son. I myself am a step-child twice around as well. I have 1 tattoo of my first daughter's name and birthdate, plan on getting one for my next daughter this April (after I've had her thank you), and no, I don't plan on having my step-son's name and birthdate tattooed on me. He has a mother, and a father. I am just a second mother because his biological mother is still a very strong part of his life.
I myself would feel weird if my step-father or step-mother would get a tattoo of my birthday on them. It's because they aren't my parents, and I don't think it is there place. Now if you were to do what my current husband is doing, legally adopting my daughter because her father is a deadbeat, then yes I would say get both, because if I was to legally adopt my step-son then I would go and get a tattoo for him to. No name, or date, but a tattoo just for him so he can say he has a special place too.
2007-03-12 05:35:25 · answer #2 · answered by Victoria B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's wrong but it might show favoritism. She might not think it matters if you knew her or not then. What she might see is that your "real" kid is important enough to put on your arm but not her.
It depends on how old she is but maybe you could talk with her about it. Ask her how she'd feel about it. Maybe you could let her help you pick out the design. Taking some part in it might help. Also, I think it would be nice to do something special for her and just her, as well. Maybe like some piece of jewelry with her name on it that you'd feel comfortable wearing regularly. Some sort of symbol you can keep with you and display, in some way, that helps her realize she, too, has a special place in your heart.
Just remember how sensitive kids can be about things like this. Even whole siblings feel hurt by the slightest perceived difference. Knowing that this child is biologically yours and she isn't just makes that so much more magnified. You might be underscoring that by having a tattoo for the new baby and not her.
I would think you talked with your wife about this but if not you should.
If it seems that getting that tattoo might hurt your step daughter in any way you might want to consider not getting it. If it hurts her she becomes a sort of sacrifice to the symbol of your love for your other child. I think that's important to consider.
2007-03-12 02:19:30 · answer #3 · answered by kilorocs 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not favoritism, in my opinion, but just don't make a big deal about the tattoo. If your step-daughter DOES question it, then find some way to make it up to her by doing something special with her and getting memories that you keep close (like a special photo or something) so that she will feel important too.
[edit] I also should mention that I am NOT a step-child, so I might be totally off-base with how she'd feel. Perhaps you should ask your wife how SHE thinks the girl would feel about it, or how she (your wife) would feel about it. If they feel that it's showing favoritism, then it would be in your best interests to get both tattoos.
2007-03-12 02:13:59 · answer #4 · answered by jlene18 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can rationalize and not call it favoritism but, in the eyes of your step-child, what else could it be? After all, it shouldn't be the birth itself that translates to the love of a child, it should be you and the child living your lives together that matter.
If I were you, I would do both or neither. Otherwise, you're just asking for trouble and conflict (maybe loss of respect from the child) down the road.
2007-03-12 02:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by shaboom2k 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
as a mother in a mixed family ( i have a stepdaughter, 2 children with my ex and 2 with my current husband) i can say if i was to get a tattoo with my kids on it i wouldnt include my stepdaughter, not that i dont love her i really do.......but she has a mother that she loves very much and i honestly feel id be stepping on her toes to do it, plus not that it will happen but what if my husband and i divorce? .....then i have a tattoo of a child i have no ties to anymore. i do however have a mothers ring and i have her birthstone included in it. something non permanent is better in my opinion. it would depend on the circumstance though, if she lives with you and doesnt have a relationship with her father that makes it a little more like favoritism.
2007-03-12 06:19:58 · answer #6 · answered by CRmac 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its wrong. And I am a step-parent. My husband loves my daughter who will be 14 at the end of the month. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that will be 7 in May and we have a 9 month old baby. He had our sons foot prints tattooed on his left shoulder blade but no my daughters I didnt care. But I wouldnt put a DATE usually ppl put dates of those that die not those that are born on that date.
2007-03-12 08:29:24 · answer #7 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Slippery slope dude. If you chose not to have your step child's name tatted as well, it will raise the question not only to your step child as well as your wife. If your step child still has a good relationship with her father things will go more smoothly, if not, it's going to be tougher. I understand your concern but there isn't a clear case of what's right or wrong. Go with your heart, but be ready to stand trial.
2007-03-12 02:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by nubbiwan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think what you do for one you do for all. But i do understand in a way.. Why dont you want the other child on your body? does she count you as her dad? does she call you dad? is she proud to have you there? If answered yes then she loves you no matter if you are her 'real' dad. why not return it to the child.... If you insist of not putting step child name on you how about you do a picture that she likes? i mean picks one of you choices. or next to the new baby tattoo do i pic for her under it? I would hate for her later on in life to think shes not worth anything to you as you couldnt treat her the same. Please really think about what you are going to do, before you do it. And also put yourself in her shoes and think what you would have truely thought if your father / step father or mother did that to you and think of how would make you feel.
Good luck but you took on your misses when she had the other child so you took it as a package. Take one take all. How does your misses feel about this.
2007-03-12 02:24:37 · answer #9 · answered by karhs 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to ask yourself, would you have loved your step-child then? If the answer is yes, then you are showing favoritism. My step-father cared more about his kids than my brother and I.
Please, what you do for one do for all. Show her you care even if it is with a tattoo. One other thing, you should not call her a step-child, if she is the daughter of your wife, call her your child, leave the step out. Unfortunaly, most kids don't care about their step-parents until they are older and have kids of their own. I wish you all the luck you can handle.
2007-03-12 02:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by Matt G 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋